Colleen Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Hi. Okay so my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago, and of course I am heartbroken about it. He says that he still loves me. He also said that no time in the near future he wants to get back together but, maybe in the future. he wants to remain friends through it all and see how it goes and possibly start new. My question is , is that a good idea? I mean i have heard of couples getting back together but how ..it seems so hard to go from lovers to friends..I am desperate for advice please...thank you
agnf666 Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Let me tell you a little story.... I dated this guy for a little over 4 months.... We lived about an hour away from each other. So, it was very hard to see each other because I didn't drive. So, he would drive to see me a few times a month. (Not a very good relationship). So, he never called me.. So, we had a falling out. It was a mutual break up. We had mutual breakup. He wanted to be friends but that never happened. So, in your case maybe I would just go on and see what happens. I wouldn't hold my breath to be friends. That is a hard step after a break. I wish you luck on that...
LilacGirl Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 In my experience of three ex's (I'm not counting the most recent, because obviously, I don't know where it's going to go), it's been difficult to maintain a friendship with two. One I just didn't want to deal with anymore, the other spread vicious rumors about me and tried to get my friends to "unite against me" (I swear, those are his words, not mine), so that kind of killed the potential friendship. I've forgiven both of them now (they were years ago), but we're friendly should we happen to see each other - not friends. The rumor-spreader and I share a few friends, and though they hang out with both of us, I haven't actually talked to him in at least a year. And then, the third boyfriend. We didn't talk for 6 months after the break up. I wanted to, so badly, but he refused to even make eye contact with me. So, after a few weeks of this, I figured that was it, we weren't going to be friends - ever - so I gave up and moved on. Almost 6 months to the day of our break up, he came to me and said "You wanna come play frisbee?" and I said he. Since then, he remained one of my best friends for the better part of 4 years - we even hung out with each other's new significant others, and it didn't hurt. Since then he's moved halfway across country, and we really only talk when he's in town, which isn't much. But I'm thankful, both for the relationship, and for the many years of friendship that followed. I think it's possible but rare to go from lovers to friends. Just go with the flow - real friends don't come together through any grand effort. If it's meant to be, it will be. Good luck to you with everything!!
Cupcake Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 When you are in love, it is impossible to surpress those feelings. Obviously, your XBF does not love you as much as you love him. For him, it is possible to just be friends with you since he's not in love and there are no feelings to surpress. But he must respect your feelings. This same thing happened to me. My XBF came to me one day and told me he was burnt out with our situation and wanted us to date other people. I was so in love with him, I didn't want us to date anyone else. I refused to surpress my feelings for him. I also didn't want to see him with anyone else. So I broke up with him. He became seriously involved with another woman just a few days after our break up. Although he kept trying to contact me despite his new girlfriend, me and my XBF had no contact for six months. After six months, I still loved him, and I still didn't have a new boyfriend. Out of desparation, I gave in the my XBF's request for friendship. By this time, he was engaged to be married to his new girlfriend. But he came to visit me, we talked about everything, and we had sex. Now, a month later, he has broken off the engagement with his new girlfriend, but they are still together. He calls me almost once a week. The only thing we talk about is our love, and our sex. He's still with his girlfriend, but he does not want me to have a boyfirend or have sex with any other man but him. He believes that one day we will get back together. Just not right now. He wants us to just be "friends." Colleen, Do you see how this situation works out perfectly for my XBF, but it totally sucks for me. He's having his cake and eating it too! I still love him. And there is no way he can possibly love me if he's with someone else. By keeping contact with him, I am making it easy for him to take advantage of me. If I stop having sex with him, he will be upset. If I don't contact him, he will be upset. Either way, I lose. The most important point is: It's a waste of time for you to have any type of relationship with someone when the two of you don't share the same interest. You love him. He doesn't love you. It won't work. Someone will get hurt every time.
Author Colleen Posted January 14, 2005 Author Posted January 14, 2005 Just wanted to thank all of you for your input it really helps..Acutally I have dont alot of thinking to myself. I decided I am not gona give him the best of both worlds and that we can't be friendsd afterwards..I can't be friends with someone I love ..acutally the last two days i have been showing him that i just don't care anymore..b/c i don't call him and try to get him back..hell I don't even return his calls..it's funny b/c it seems he is more into me when I don't want anything to do with him..who knows?? I can say though that it's his loss I am moving ..I don't plan on going back out with him..who knows thought what will happen anything is possible, but I am not getting my hopes up I am moving on. ..colleen
Naive Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Good for you!!!! I think it's for the best. In the long run you are going to get more hurt, that's if you still have feelings for him.
mlncoolj2000 Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 hey i know exactly how you are feeling. My boyfriend just broke up with me on Thursday, and he wants to be best friends still. we still hold hands, and he says that he still loves me. And he still calls me babe and stuff like that. I am so heartbroken. We were going out for 3 and a half months. I have been crying all the time. I am going to be moving soon so that is why we broke up. But anyways if you ever want to talk about anything, I am here for you and my email address is [email protected]. Okay I hoped that I helped. Me and my ex plan to get back together when I turn 17. We were planning on moving in together when I turned 17 too. But anyways if you want to talk then just email me okay.
mlncoolj2000 Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Oh, I know a bunch of colleens that live in Missouri. Well thats all I wanted to know. I wasn't trying to be nosy.
justmeincctx Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 I was married for 19 years and after my marriage I started dating again I met a person on a personal sight and we started chatting and we dated a few times and had our fun but since then we have decided not to be in a relationship with each other because we choose to be BEST FRIENDS she has given me great aspects on life and I feel has been very helpful in going through my divorce and the loss of my mother after my divorce she is the one if I am in a relationship and need advice she tells me how it is from a woman's point of view and I do the same if she is in a relationship. I love her and will always be there for her sometimes people I am in a relationship become jealous of her but we have a vow to each other that if we are either one involved in a relationship we will be faithful to the person we are with so we are just best friends I wouldn't trade my friendship with this person for a relationship if life depended on it it is so hard to find a REALLY TRUE FRIEND in life
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Ok, Thank god this post is here... coz recently my my 5 year old bf (x bf) has been trying to me everyday after just 3 weeks of breaking up... and yesterday I asked him what was up... was he missing me or was he trying to be friends.. he said with u i just wanna be friends.. i told him i am not cool enough to be friends with him... and its wrong of him to not let go of me..when he knows i love him...and would always want more... so he got all angry and said well i cant be your bf and u cant be my friend..so no point talking.. at which i said if he did ever miss me he could call me and i would be there for him if he needed me... anyway after a huge argument...he finally thought i was right....
AndrewJ Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I'd agree with cupcake, It is hard to remain freinds after breakup if the scales are not balanced refreing to ones emotive feelings. In my experience just go your own way and the sun will shine again.
theone44 Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by Colleen Hi. Okay so my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago, and of course I am heartbroken about it. He says that he still loves me. He also said that no time in the near future he wants to get back together but, maybe in the future. he wants to remain friends through it all and see how it goes and possibly start new. My question is , is that a good idea? I mean i have heard of couples getting back together but how ..it seems so hard to go from lovers to friends..I am desperate for advice please...thank you A friendship is impossible after a recent break-up,cuz the feeling are still there. i do believe two people that was once involve can be friend once time had pass,and the healing process is over with.
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