Do women avoid real life venues for romantic prospects

[irc333]

A woman I met on POF, who is ALSO on Meetup says she actually doesn't view the Meetup groups as a venue for romantic prospects, JUST the activities and typically avoids men in said groups that give an inkling of "dating" interest if they are attempting to get to know her at the events.

 

She's also on Plenty Of Fish, where she sees it as a more VIABLE option to meet romantic prospects.

 

I find this outlook rather odd as in my area, about at least 90% of the people in Meetups are unattached/single and plus there are people always dating from within the groups or at least split off from the group after they've coupled up or even get married.

 

But why do some women prefer to keep the two separate. Ever heard the phrase "and never the twain shall meet"? (ThinkI might've used that expression before here)

 

But it's funny how women prefer to keep certain places they visit, physically, sepearate from areas of where they would prefer to meet future dates.

 

Like the gym,a lot of women can't stand it when men approach them in a gym, in fact, it's gotten to the point where "Women's only" gyms now.

 

THat's just an example

 

Some women don't like it if you cold approach them at a line in a store.

 

They liked to be "prepared" for the encounter, not caught off guard. Yes?

 

Men, honestly, I don't think they care either way, lol

[Scales]

I think you can meet women anywhere as long as you do it correctly. The problem is guys either are so shy they end up not talking about anything and not getting a number, or are overt and talk about their friend that lives in their pants. Subtlety is key in communication when attracting women. As long as it doesn't seem that you are hitting on them while being flirtatious, you should be fine if you pass her initial screen.

 

I stopped doing OLD to meet women in real life. It has been a great amount of fun. Honestly though I'm considering to trying OLD again because so many guys are having trouble with it and so many girls are on there looking.

 

Either way, talking to women is fun

[Omei]

You based that off one women's ideals.

 

And there are plenty of men only places as well.

[d0nnivain]

There is a line of thought that says you get to know someone better on line because you can think about what they have said, take the time to formulate the response & you probably haven't been drinking.

 

 

I always need the sensory in put that only comes from a face to face meeting.

[Imported]

OP, there is stuff women tell guys they have no interest in.

 

 

 

If a girl sees a guy she wants, what she just told a guy she has no interest in will be thrown out the window.

[TheyCallMeOx]

I agree that most women don't like to be pursued while at a gym unless she has been watching you bench press for the past 20 minutes and is getting all swampy. Otherwise, if you just randomly approach her when she's least expecting it, then she'll be like "I'm sweaty, on my period, and take kickboxing lessons. Go **** yourself." Of course, there's a time and place for everything. If she's at the water fountain, taking a break from working out, then she may be open to being pursued. Of course, you can't be a friggin creep and say **** like "those yoga pants look good on you." You also can't go up to her while she's bench pressing 500 pounds and have your balls levitating inches away from her face and say "yo babe, lemme spot you fo a minute. Then I wanna take you out to eat some vegan restaurant cause I'm sure you eat all healthy and ****."

 

Also, if a woman is at a funeral...it's not a good idea to pursue her. Or a family reunion. She might be a cousin that you've never seen before.

 

But if it's like places like the library, a restaurant, or anything else when they're more relaxed and not thinking about sweat and/or death, then she's open for business. What she says largely depends on how you present yourself. She may say she doesn't like being pursued by men while at the library, but that's a load of horse ****. Sometimes...they just try to reject someone without it seeming mean.

[irc333]

But if it's like places like the library, a restaurant, or anything else when they're more relaxed and not thinking about sweat and/or death, then she's open for business. What she says largely depends on how you present yourself. She may say she doesn't like being pursued by men while at the library, but that's a load of horse ****. Sometimes...they just try to reject someone without it seeming mean.

 

Even librarys or bookstores, restaurants or the mall cafe court, I don't think women are opened to being approached there either.

 

Also, I usually don't strike up a conversation with a woman in said place unless I have reason.

 

An example I'm referring to was once during the holidays, I was ordering some coffee at a local bookstore coffee shop. When I made my order, a woman behind me who was by herself was behind me, so I stood aside so she could make her order.

 

She ordered the Pumpkin Spice and when the barista when behind the scenes, I said to her, while we were both waiting, "Pumpkin Spice? Never had that before, what's it like?"

 

She looks at me with kind of a blank stare and goes, "It's good" and looks back at the menu, perhaps faking reading it.

 

I tried to talk to her about the coffees in the shop and other such things, but she had this, "Why is this guy trying to talk to me" look on her face. She kept looking straight ahead as she answered very abruptly. She was rather short with me.

 

Though, I could be in a situation where most women in my town are taken or it's such a cliquish "Fishbowl" community, that people are simply not open to making new friends when they've have had established friendships since grade school...regardless if they are 40-somethings. lol

[clia]

But why do some women prefer to keep the two separate. Ever heard the phrase "and never the twain shall meet"? (ThinkI might've used that expression before here)

 

But it's funny how women prefer to keep certain places they visit, physically, sepearate from areas of where they would prefer to meet future dates.

 

Like the gym,a lot of women can't stand it when men approach them in a gym, in fact, it's gotten to the point where "Women's only" gyms now.

 

THat's just an example

 

Some women don't like it if you cold approach them at a line in a store.

 

They liked to be "prepared" for the encounter, not caught off guard. Yes?

 

Men, honestly, I don't think they care either way, lol

 

Maybe on that particular day, at that particular time, the woman does not feel like getting hit on or is not looking for a future date. Maybe she's already in a relationship. Or maybe she has other things on her mind and doesn't feel like making chit chat. Or maybe she just wants to buy her cup of coffee and not have to engage in conversation with a stranger. (I can relate to this.) Or maybe she just wants to work out and get home.

 

Regarding the Meetup and OLD scenarios, perhaps the woman you mentioned does not want to screw up her ability to go to Meetup events by dating the men in the group. If things don't work out, then she may have to run into the man at other events, or it may be awkward for her to talk to other men. Or she doesn't want to get a reputation in the group for dating all the single men. So, I can kind of see where she's coming from.

 

That said, I suspect she told you that because she isn't interested in you and it is an easy excuse.

[irc333]

 

That said, I suspect she told you that because she isn't interested in you and it is an easy excuse.

 

Actually, the answer to that is no, we met initially on POF, she just told me she felt no connection.

 

We had a "Sidebar" conversation about the Meetup groups and that's when she revealed she has this "no dating within Meetup" policy. Meaning she won't date any man in the group at all in the Meetup, she prefers strangers I suppose * shrug *.

[strive]

She looks at me with kind of a blank stare and goes, "It's good" and looks back at the menu, perhaps faking reading it.

 

I tried to talk to her about the coffees in the shop and other such things, but she had this, "Why is this guy trying to talk to me" look on her face. She kept looking straight ahead as she answered very abruptly. She was rather short with me.

 

When she didn't engage the first time, you should've backed off. She wasn't interested. When you tried to engage her further you just became the "annoying weirdo."

 

Or maybe she was having a really bad day and just wants the whole world to back off and you didn't pick up on that vibe.

 

What if you've been thinking that women don't like being chatted up when all this time it was your approach that was wrong?

[TheyCallMeOx]

Even librarys or bookstores, restaurants or the mall cafe court, I don't think women are opened to being approached there either.

 

I can't make a generalization and say that all women are the same, so I won't deny the possibility that there are some women that don't like being pursued at certain locations. However, I pursued a woman at a restaurant and I got her number. Maybe it's a rarity, but it does happen. My philosophy is...you don't know until you try. And I mean really try instead of half-assing it. I can't say it doesn't happen, but I can't say it does all the time, either. Humans are complicated, so there's too many factors to consider. In general, I'd say that it's better to pursue a woman at the library than at a funeral. Just a guess, though.

 

I tried to talk to her about the coffees in the shop and other such things, but she had this, "Why is this guy trying to talk to me" look on her face. She kept looking straight ahead as she answered very abruptly. She was rather short with me.

 

Like I said, there's a time and place for everything. Sometimes, we don't always know when a good time is. You can't always tell when a woman is in the mood to be pursued. Of course, if you were the most attractive man in the world...I'm sure she could be convinced real quick to have a conversation with you, but we mostly have to learn a woman's body movements. Also, when we are about to buy something...a lot of us take on the business role. When you're doing business, you act professional. "Hey, what can I get you today?" "Hey. Can I get a mocha choka lotta mocka tuna tundra latte supreme tall, please?" "Sure, that'll be 18 dollars and 96 cents please." You gotta have a little bit of common sense and good understanding of body movements. If a woman is reading a book at the library, she's reading a book. She's ****ing busy. Leave her the hell alone. But if she's looking at the cover of a book and reading the introduction and you just so happen to have heard a lot about it, you can say "man, I heard that was such a good book. I really want to read it, but I'm still reading [super awesome popular book that you probably read a long time ago]." And then she'll say "I read that book. That was good. Which part are you on?" And then you'll say "I'm on the part where..." and guess what...you've established an interest. However, if you talk to a woman while she's got money out to buy coffee, she probably is too focused on paying for the product and doesn't care about the creep breathing down her neck trying to figure out what to say to her because she's so freakin' hott.

[irc333]

What if you've been thinking that women don't like being chatted up when all this time it was your approach that was wrong?

 

Saying "My approach was wrong", there is no such thing as a "wrong" approach, so its irrelevant. Unless I broke wind in front of her and made some sort of funny remark related to it or something unacceptable like that.

 

In all honestly, I'm not saying ALL women are like this either, but in my experience some women prefer to be left alone when they are out running errands, grocery shopping, etc.

 

I've even seen women admit to this on message boards (even this one) that they aren't of the mind of being approached in certain venues.

 

"Singles" mingles, yes. Speed dating also. Usually anything geared towards a "Singles" theme, women are likely to be "ready" to be approached.

[xxoo]

I guarantee you, if a woman met a man at a meet up, and he played it cool and got to know her, and was charming and fun without every overtly hitting on her like "fresh meat", and she started getting a little thrill being in his presence, hoping she'd see him, wanting to be next to him and have him charm her....

 

...she'd date him.

 

She just doesn't want meet up to be a dating site. She wants to get to know people naturally, and see if anything clicks. Realize that she could mingle with 100 men on a weekly basis and only feel that "click" with maybe 3-5 over time. Men, well, some seem to feel "click" with any pretty woman, haha!

 

The nice thing about meet up is that you don't have to go on a date to see if there is "click". You are already spending time together. If she declines a date, it means there was no interest.

[irc333]

Yeah, I do concur, I have a friend of mine that tends to "wait it out' to see if a woman winds up being a psycho or not at an event.

 

I recall this rather attractive woman in our outdoors group. Well, we usually do just single day outings, which is not enough time to really get to know someone.

 

But, one day they planned a full 3-day weekend trip to the Smokey Mountains, this meant spending the night in cabins in a Federal Park, and of course, even being on MORE of an intimate level.

 

The said attractive woman wound up being a lot of peoples enemies almost by the end of the trip. LOL She was demanding and bossy most of the time, even some of the men that fawned after her couldn't stand to be around her. lol

 

Kind of funny, because before we all met her in real life, she did have a dating profile on POF for a good while before making her way out to the real world. Her dating profile was just as demanding.

 

 

I guarantee you, if a woman met a man at a meet up, and he played it cool and got to know her, and was charming and fun without every overtly hitting on her like "fresh meat", and she started getting a little thrill being in his presence, hoping she'd see him, wanting to be next to him and have him charm her....

 

...she'd date him.

 

She just doesn't want meet up to be a dating site. She wants to get to know people naturally, and see if anything clicks. Realize that she could mingle with 100 men on a weekly basis and only feel that "click" with maybe 3-5 over time. Men, well, some seem to feel "click" with any pretty woman, haha!

 

The nice thing about meet up is that you don't have to go on a date to see if there is "click". You are already spending time together. If she declines a date, it means there was no interest.

[Eau Claire]

I guarantee you, if a woman met a man at a meet up, and he played it cool and got to know her, and was charming and fun without every overtly hitting on her like "fresh meat", and she started getting a little thrill being in his presence, hoping she'd see him, wanting to be next to him and have him charm her....

 

...she'd date him.

 

She just doesn't want meet up to be a dating site. She wants to get to know people naturally, and see if anything clicks. Realize that she could mingle with 100 men on a weekly basis and only feel that "click" with maybe 3-5 over time. Men, well, some seem to feel "click" with any pretty woman, haha!

 

The nice thing about meet up is that you don't have to go on a date to see if there is "click". You are already spending time together. If she declines a date, it means there was no interest.

 

True. Good to see men in action. Interacting with guys in a real life situation. Also really important to see the way a man treats a woman who is not a potential partner...one who is married, much older, etc. If he treats women in general well then that's such a plus.

[irc333]

Funny story, there was actually this Russian woman in Meetup, she was widowed and living with a man in his late 50s. She was originally from up north and had moved to this area.

 

We got to know each other a bit, I got her # and we went out on a date. Apparently she had no car, no licence and 2 children, NO Job, and was living with this guy she was apparently. "Keeping the house clean" for.

 

Turns out, as part of some kind of "arrangement" she got her to agree to marry him...when she moved herself and her kids into his home, she backed out of the proposal, so now he's sour grapes about it.

 

I found out all this after I dropped her off....a couple of houses down the street (per her request). Apparently , he didn't want him seeing her out on a date. Again, sour grapes.

 

I headed for the hills. LOL

 

Apparently, the "Russian American Society" put her in touch with this guy, and thus her current living arrangement. Kind of felt sorry for her, because it's not entirely her fault that she's a former Mail-order bride now totally destitute and dependent upon someone that she friendzoned.

[pickflicker]

Saying "My approach was wrong", there is no such thing as a "wrong" approach, so its irrelevant. Unless I broke wind in front of her and made some sort of funny remark related to it or something unacceptable like that.

 

 

When you don't take no for an answer, that is the wrong approach. She didn't want to be chatted up, you persisted. Wrong approach.

[irc333]

When you don't take no for an answer, that is the wrong approach. She didn't want to be chatted up, you persisted. Wrong approach.

 

Now you're just splitting hairs. Or really reaching.

[pickflicker]

Now you're just splitting hairs. Or really reaching.

 

No, not really.

 

Look, I get what they mean about Meetup. There's nothing wrong with calling a distinction between a place to make friends, and a place to meet potential mates. There's no reason why they need to be mixed. And must one always be on the lookout for a mate? Sometimes, dating is exhausting, and there are times when you don't want to be chatted up. A woman is not going to miss the boat and become a total spinster, just because she rejects some guy's advances in a bookshop on a Saturday morning.

 

It's called options, and quality women have them in spades.

[MissBee]

A woman I met on POF, who is ALSO on Meetup says she actually doesn't view the Meetup groups as a venue for romantic prospects, JUST the activities and typically avoids men in said groups that give an inkling of "dating" interest if they are attempting to get to know her at the events.

 

She's also on Plenty Of Fish, where she sees it as a more VIABLE option to meet romantic prospects.

 

I find this outlook rather odd as in my area, about at least 90% of the people in Meetups are unattached/single and plus there are people always dating from within the groups or at least split off from the group after they've coupled up or even get married.

 

But why do some women prefer to keep the two separate. Ever heard the phrase "and never the twain shall meet"? (ThinkI might've used that expression before here)

 

But it's funny how women prefer to keep certain places they visit, physically, sepearate from areas of where they would prefer to meet future dates.

 

Like the gym,a lot of women can't stand it when men approach them in a gym, in fact, it's gotten to the point where "Women's only" gyms now.

 

THat's just an example

 

Some women don't like it if you cold approach them at a line in a store.

 

They liked to be "prepared" for the encounter, not caught off guard. Yes?

 

Men, honestly, I don't think they care either way, lol

 

Women's only gyms aren't a new thing, they didn't come about because of men picking women up at the gym .

 

Irc333, the thing I notice is that you will experience something one woman prefers or has done and then pose the question as though all women feel this way. Why couldn't you have simply chalked it up to THAT particular woman not feeling that way. It's fine for women to have differing preferences and opinions that don't reflect women as a group.

 

In any case, you should have asked the specific woman who said this why she felt that way. I wouldn't feel that way personally if I was someone going to such groups. However, at the gym I do prefer a woman's only space as I don't feel self-conscious and can just focus on working out and not subconsciously trying to look good or having to worry about being picked up.

[Imported]

Now you're just splitting hairs. Or really reaching.

 

You should seek professional help. And I don't mean a hooker.

[BlametheIrish]

Saying "My approach was wrong", there is no such thing as a "wrong" approach, so its irrelevant. Unless I broke wind in front of her and made some sort of funny remark related to it or something unacceptable like that.

.

 

There is such thing as a wrong approach. The wrpng approach can make a nice guy seem like a creep, a rather intelligent guy sound like a know it all and a sweetheart seem like a needy wuss.

 

Spme people don't even realize how yhey come off to women until s friend points it out

Here's an example, I'm at the bar having a dtink.with a large group of friends. One of my friends likes our waitress. He is very handsome, kind natured and fun to be around. But to the waitress he comes off as overly confident in himself.

 

 

e debates with a friend about asking for his number. I tell him good luck with that, she's not interested. He didn't believe me and asked her out. Rejected in a nice enpugh way, no.blow,to his ego. But he did ask how I knew she wasn't interested. I said because although sje was being nice to you I could see the look of annoyance on her face whenever you talked to her. Of he could act like he does arpund his buddies he would get more women. But instead he puts up.a front to.beautiful women only to.get rejected.

 

Just one example out of many on how your approach can ruin your chances.

[irc333]

You should seek professional help. And I don't mean a hooker.

 

Is that the best you could come up with? lol Funny.

 

Let me put it this way, if he's attractive, he could pretty much say anything in regards to light conversation, and he's pretty much "in".

 

If he's not attractive (to her), then it wont' happen.

 

I once had a woman attracted to ME at a Game Night, and I was my usual self, no big deal. Was humorous, playful, and kept the conversation light...she just liked me for whatever reason. So there's that once in a blue moon situation where I would have a woman attracted to me through light conversation.

 

It took a few Meetups to become familiar with each other, until she made some flirtatious remarks and asked if we'd like to exchange numbers. We did just that and then we went out on a date the other day.

 

Though, I wasn't really "feeling it" on the date, I had a nice time with her. She lived further than I thought from where I lived, so it wouldn't work out considering our schedules, but we enjoyed each other's company.

 

Of course, my "approach" was pretty much effortless, because:

 

1. We were sitting next to each other

2. We were there for the same reason, board games

3. We had seen each other at these events on more than one occasion.

 

So I suppose there has to be certain conditions in place in order for it to even work. A cold approach with a waitress that you've never seen before in your life may even be considered unapproachable, because waitresses are already being hit on at restaurants anyway, and that may have been why she was annoyed. She was probably thinking, "Wow, another dou** -bag trying to get my number, I'll tolerate him with a nice smile, so I can at least get a decent tip until single guy # 10 is gone and I can clock out".

Edited January 30, 2014 by irc333