Traindreck Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I just want to ask something, thinking about that lately. Is there a difference between dumped by a hot (literally, hot. Tall, nice body curves, nice face and smart) and a decent girl (you can put all the rest here) Im not judging people by their looking, im not a handsome boy, im tall but yeah, im average but the girl who dumped me after 10 months of relationship (my first long-term relationship, and i did my best there) i have started to think about that issue : - Cause, if you are a very hot & sexy more male person tries to hang out with you, saying beautiful things, treating you in a great way and i think if you are hot, you can get over the break up faster than a decent one and find a great boyfriend (smart, handsome, rich, succesful lets call it "better than ex?") than "average" looking girls. Do you think am I right, if I'm not please tell the reasons, Thanks !
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I just want to ask something, thinking about that lately. Is there a difference between dumped by a hot (literally, hot. Tall, nice body curves, nice face and smart) and a decent girl (you can put all the rest here) Im not judging people by their looking, im not a handsome boy, im tall but yeah, im average but the girl who dumped me after 10 months of relationship (my first long-term relationship, and i did my best there) i have started to think about that issue : - Cause, if you are a very hot & sexy more male person tries to hang out with you, saying beautiful things, treating you in a great way and i think if you are hot, you can get over the break up faster than a decent one and find a great boyfriend (smart, handsome, rich, succesful lets call it "better than ex?") than "average" looking girls. Do you think am I right, if I'm not please tell the reasons, Thanks ! Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I had really attractive girls hitting on me after my stuff, but NO WAY was I wanting to date them because I was broken up over what I had. She wasnt close in terms of attractiveness as the ones I was being hit on, but I cared about her, so it didnt matter. So, no I do not think you're right. I know tons of ugly people who moved on in a week and many attractive people who still arent over their ex after years. 4
guest572 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Uh, no. I dont think a persons attractiveness makes a difference in how quickly they cope with a breakup?? I guess a persons opinion of themself may make a difference in terms of self esteem etc.
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 My ex is very beautiful. Having a hard time getting over her which is a new thing for me. In the past I've been able to do it relatively easily. I tell myself that it's just cause she was hot but deep down I think Im just really in love with her.
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I think the depth of feelings and the investment you put into a person determines how long it will take to get over a break up...makes sense if the feelings run deep ...then to break the surface its going to take you longer...th more shallow the feelings.....the more superficial , you break the surface way before someone who falls deep..water doesnt care what you look like when you are swimming...nor do break ups adjust by how you look to help you get over them quicker when you are ready to move on....you will regardless of looks..not before then...deb 3
Els Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If anyone feels that there is, the girl who dumped them (be she 'hot' or 'decent') certainly did the smart thing.
Musing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I'm not a guy so I can't really talk from a male POV with a girlfriend. However, we usually chose people we are attracted to. The one time I went against my own attraction, I ended up feeling trapped in the relationship ~2 months in. It's all part of chemistry. That said, I've had many "hot" guys before my most recent ex. One was an aspiring model, one was a bodybuilder, and one was full of tattoos (something personally I'm into) My most recent ex is a great looking guy but I suppose for different reasons than the others. But I was not as intensely drawn to him as I was my past endeavors. But I feel just as drawn to my most recent ex as I did with them after we broke up. As a matter of fact, I think I feel worse because, frankly, those guys were either idiots, "bad boys" or just plain jerks. This one was worth keeping but fate didn't have it in its cards. Just because he wasn't the hottest I'd been with doesn't mean it's any easier. YMMV, but I assume it's the same deal for the opposite sex. 2
sw2020 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 By the time you're at breakup stage, looks have zero effect in helping to get over it. 2
Author Traindreck Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Sorry about my English, will try my best to tell the story. It might be long, im warning you. (I know she does not know here so i can feel free to tell everything) First of all, little background of me : I'm 22 years old boy, i can say i'm succesful (i have my own record label company, founded when i'm 17 years old and it's one of the best one at the market right now, not making billions of dollars but it's profit rising day by day and i'm extending it with new imprints under that), not that bad looking, smart (i was not a prodigy but i can easily say that i was different) not a social person (let's say self-conscious). At high-school, i was loving a girl, never talked with her and i never have a girlfriend there. At University, i had try to find but when i did, i always realized they were not for me. Believe me or not, my ex-es tried to make sex with me but i refused them cause i knew we would break-up soon (we did, i dumped them) and i afraid to make them feel "used". I'm not that type person, and believe me i'm that "good guy" on the stories. After a few attempt, i decided to give it to time. (my all relationships were finished after 3 months, at max) After a while, like 1 year ago i met with this girl. She smart, not cavalier, she is really really beautiful (make you look easily when you see her on street, or a bus) and her hobbies, her interests are matching with mine, she was studing at one of the best law school and yes, i realized she was "the one" ! With one problem : When i met with her, she was suffering from love pain, she was talking about her ex (not really ex but they were about to split up) and i was cheering her up. I was really disappointed but i decided to take her as a friend on my life. We met, we spoke a lot, then she found that her "love" lied to her (he said he did not sleep with anybody but after a while she found out when they were in braek, he was sleeping with girls, it was the final mistake from him then their relationship was over). After that point, we were getting closer, actually, she was encouraging me. I was unexperienced on that things, i just did not know how to do but i really really was hoping to see her as a girlfriend on my life. She said we had to go slow in first place, i accepted. After 2 months she accepted to be my love and made my the happiest man at earth (literally). After attempting with many girls, i finally found my "the one" ! Things were perfect, we were hanging out, i was bringing her to some fancy restaurants, we were speaking a lot and i feel she was loving me. Sometimes she was mentioning her ex-boyfriend and after a while she stopped to do this also. The most painful thing was knowing that, i was loving her more than she was loving me. Really, i can feel that cause i was blind. I was in love. We went to holiday in August, we had problems but in that 7 days, yeah i can call that it was like a dream. I want to add that, i dont have a car but i was picking her from home with taxi, we were going to places with taxi, then i was leaving her to home with taxi. Why? Cause i just wanted to make her feel relaxed and comfortable. Also, in a bus people could disturb her, i would not accept that. (Im telling this to see how much i was caring for her.) Well, in our relationship, the biggest problem was social media. I become jealous when somebody likes her photo you know that type stuffs, we had some arguements based on that issue but we always found solutions. Nothing big. One day she made a problem about "giving flowers" (i never give till that point) and huffed to me, i sent 1000 roses to her home after one day to solve this issue. (She deleted our photos after 10 days from breakup but keeping that roses on her instagram still, at breaking-up talk she said she will keep that but im not sure how much). More ? I rejected to study at Harvard Music Business cause i wanted to stay with her, she knows that. She knows i stayed for her here (Im not living at USA). Im not saying she should love me to forever cause of that issue but come on, is not it big? Her taste on music is delicious, she was loving a band (not that famous but yeah, they have a decent fan-base) and as i knew it, i talked with them (i have a force at music business) and made an agreement, then they made a song with her name with a great lyrics about love. She called herself as "the most lucky girl on earth" but as it looks she decided her mind later, yeah? I can put many things on table like that, i'm telling that stuffs cause i thought i found my soulmate after a long in search of love but it looks i was mistaken. From December 15, i have started to feel something is wrong. She has started to act cold to me, she was spamming me and always wanting to meet-up but i was really really busy and could not meet her like 10 days, then we went to a club to celebrate new year, it was great, she was looking happy but at night, she said she is tired and wanted to sleep. Okay, it was a no worry for me. PS : Before me (about the guy she was loving) her ex-bf was forcing her to make sex but she declined that, she told me (she was a virgin) and wanted to not to do that mistake from me cause as far as i understood it was a big deal on her past relationship) I told her to just believe me. In that 10 months, i never asked to make sex with her. As far as i can remember, in November she mentioned that she was ready to do and i said "okay no rush" i just wanted to make her relaxed about that. It was not a big issue for me, i just wanted to see her on my life, to forever. Back to story, after new year party, at January 2, she woke up, made coffee and she said she had to see her aunt and her cousin, she was acting cold and i went to home. After that point, i had to go to my family place as i was having issues with my family, we were talking really really less. Sometimes only "hello-how are you-done". I was really jelaous cause i was caring about my mother and my father and she was hanging with her friends and i was making problems on phone, whatsapp etc. Then she said "we have to talk" i felt it was coming. I asked "what are you gonna do, breakin up with me?" and she said "no i did not mean that, just talking" then i said okay. After 2 days, she said "check your inbox, i have sent a mail". I checked the mail. She was grouching about the relationship, she said that she is in really emotional period, she cannot think clearly, calling me "the most valuable person on her life" but she said she cannot keep that relationship alive. She is 21, she said she was in perma-relationship with three different person me, her ex, and before him she had another one. 3 year, without a break relationship and she said she realized, for that 3 years she never was able to think for herself and her life. She said she is bored to fix things on a relationship. I can understand her, but you cannot realize how much i was broken. I begged her on phone, i cried after 6 years, for first time. She said if i love her i have to leave her alone. After that words, i could not do anything. After that day we met. It was not that bad, we spoke little, i tried to explain things, i tried to explain how much things are bad on my family etc. etc. Then i went to home. January 15 was her birthday. When we met in 2013, i promised to make a great birthday (we were not a couple) but i could not manage it and she was really pissed of. To fix last year, i decided to book her favorite 3 bands from Europe and was planning to make a great event for her, in exclusive way. (she explained she wanted to break up with me before her birthday cause she knew i would do something big, and she did not want to do this but everthing was already planned) i told about this thing, she looked happy anyway. Well, apart from that issue, even i'm still a student, i saved money to buy her favorite fancy bag (i know she was planning to buy that bag with her first salary but i wanted to bought that for her) and i was creating new compositions (mostly piano, and some indie tunes, in collabration with her favorite bands this time) i put all tracks in a CD and i put the CD on bag, then mailed it to her. She became speechless, she said "you acted as you are again, im really sorry but i could not" I said i did not do that to make her sorry, i did this to cheer her up a bit. We spoke a little again, then silence. I went to NC after that time, but unfortunately i favorited one of her tweet accidentally, i dont know if she saw it but after that i went to NC again, like 5 days ago i was checking her on whatsapp and speaking with a friend in same time and BOOM wrote to her "come oooon" (i was going to write to my friend for sure) then she said "in what way?" then i explained that im not that iron-hearted and sometimes i check her, then she only said "it will be over soon" At short, after 10 months of great relationship, i lost her. Then i closed whatsapp, and now not checking her social media accounts also. Went to NC, Day 5. I just wanted to share my story with you people, i love that place, i got many many great suggestions already and yeah. Will keep you updated. TD. Edited January 29, 2014 by Traindreck
Philosoraptor Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss. She was clearly not over her ex and sadly was using you to heal. You were stuck with someone who was rebounding, and had a history of jumping from one relationship to the next. She wasn't "the one" as the relationship had issues on both sides. You had a lot of jealousy issues and she was rebounding. The relationship was sadly doomed to fail from the beginning. Stay with NC and work on moving on.
Author Traindreck Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss. She was clearly not over her ex and sadly was using you to heal. You were stuck with someone who was rebounding, and had a history of jumping from one relationship to the next. She wasn't "the one" as the relationship had issues on both sides. You had a lot of jealousy issues and she was rebounding. The relationship was sadly doomed to fail from the beginning. Stay with NC and work on moving on. Agreed. I just cannot believe i was a rebound. I tried my best to make her forget his past but as i can see, i could not manage that. Thanks for nice words, i will try to keep my head up. Im feeling very very sad but at the same time im relaxed cause i tried my best. I never did anything wrong, i never made a big issues on relationship and i put my maximum effort.
Author Traindreck Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Please check my last topic too see whole story, My ex gf, who dumped me, is not removing one of my gift photo (she was clingy about flowers and i sent 1000 rose to her) while she deleted our photos. She just cannot find a new bf with that way. I just wanted to ask why does she keep that in instagram, facebook, twitter? She told me at last meet up, she will not delete it cause its really special one for her but keeping comments? Dunno really. Been 1 month, im trying to do nc, never spoke to her but i just cannot resist to checking social media accounts.
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