confused83 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I know woman hate insecurity and my girlfriend thinks or says im insecure but I dont get why, I have never questioned her when shes out or checked up on her and every time either of us had a tiny issue we spoke about it and reassured each other and fixed it which we both said at the start its how we wanted it to be but lately she doesnt want to do that back for me and its making me feel so unloved and frankly awful. We was spending around 4 - 5 days a week together and all of a sudden she said she needed space from me to do her own thing and just wanted to make sure i wouldnt kick off if she did, i said fine go out with friends go see your family etc etc no problems. I have never given her a bad msg about her going and doing that. Now heres the problem, I went up 2 days ago to suprise her at her house and all i wanted to do was take her flowers, say i love you, kiss her and go home as a nice little gesture as I was up her way after work. she invited me in and then said 'are you checking up on me' i couldnt believe it, i said no obviously because i wasnt, anyway a day later she comes to mine and asks if i pulled at the weekend when i went out, in my head i felt so angry because i no its that type of question the other way around that she'd go mad at me for asking but all i did was reassure her and make her feel better. A day later i found out she'd text her ex and the msg ended with a kiss, they do have a kid together but hes never around and she hates him nd never put ksises before but this one had one, i didnt think too much of it but did bring it up when i got to her house because id reassured her the other day and this was the kind of relationship we both wanted so all i said was 'bit suprised he got a kiss on his msg though' and she flipped, went mad at me for not trusting her and no matter how much i sat there and said 'please just calm down i do trust you, etc etc' she didnt listen. shes now deleted my number, took me off everything and ive tried to text her 3 times and call and she hasnt replied. To be honest i just feel so low at the moment like i cant go on, i jst dont get how its been amazing for so long and then all of a sudden she needs space and just stops reassuring me. Feel i either ask something thats on my mind and its over or I dont ask and suffer in silence and stay together theres no middle ground for me
Andy_K Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 She wanted to break up with you and was looking for an excuse. Sorry. What you actually said doesn't matter. It was just something for her to use as an excuse, so stop worrying that you've done something wrong. Time for you to accept your loss and move on.
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 oi. Writings on the wall man. She's checked out. Sorry man.
Syreeni Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 She wanted to break up with you and was looking for an excuse. Sorry. What you actually said doesn't matter. It was just something for her to use as an excuse, so stop worrying that you've done something wrong. Time for you to accept your loss and move on. Agreed. And I've experienced it. They start making off the wall accusations that leave your mind completely boggled. The once normal exchange becomes twisted. Instead of being open they begin to become closed off, secretive, easily annoyed with you. Their feelings have changed toward you and they are purposely, or even more commonly, unwittingly distancing themselves from you. Actually, you did great to notice that so early on before you spent the next 4 to 6 months in progressively worse arguments that end in even more damage. Or worse, even more months of it dragging out the relationship that could end in being cheated on. ( in your case, the ex making a reappearance, a change in texts with this person and secretiveness about it) This is early on...so if you break it off ( which you should), she may flip out and say she doesn't want to break up and let's work on it. Things will be ok for a very short time (days to weeks) then the weird distancing behavior will start up again. What's going is she doesn't want you to be the one to end it- some people like to feel they won ( broken it off instead of being broken up with) or they don't like that gap between relationships. Don't fall for it. Break it off now, leave it broken off, don't play the back and forth game, it will only hurt you more in the end. And this includes contact. She's not the girl for you. Clean break, move forward, the take the time to process the relationship, then get yourself out there again. Your forever girl could be right around the corner and your wasting time in an already dead relationship. Seriously, great job on noticing the signs and questioning them. You may not appreciate that now, but you will later.
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 She sounds completely unstable. Either that or manipulative. Either way, she's checked out. Time to move on...
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