amarieoh Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Its been a month since my relationship of almost three years ended. Our relationship ended on bad terms. My ex began physically abusing me during the last eight months of it. My ex was attacking me one night and I had to defend myself which is resulting in me being charged with a felonious assault charge due to him self inflicting wounds so he wouldn't get arrested as he has a criminal past and a previous domestic violence. His grandmother and I were very close and she is the only person that knew and I talked to about the abuse, she lost her battle to cancer just yesterday. I have not had any direct contact with my ex since the BU other than seeing him at court. The false accusations my ex is spreading is that I attacked him and stabbed him several times and that he did not touch me. I'm so upset over this and the death of his grandmother. I need advice in regards to attending the viewing/funeral, my family is telling me it would be a bad idea to go but I would like some others insight. Thank you.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I'm really sorry to hear of everything you've been through, but I really don't think it's a good idea to attend the funeral. Your ex sounds like very bad news for you. In a month you'll have done a lot of healing that can be undone very quickly with a traumatic experience and if his family are aware you've been convicted of assault against him (whether you did or didn't, they'll believe him) you won't be welcomed there. The day risks becoming about this drama of you attending and not about them saying goodbye to their family member, and I think it'll be really emotionally damaging for you to attend too. If she's at a funeral home and you wish to view her you can generally go and do that without appointment but I'd be wary in case you bump into his family there. The best thing you could do is say goodbye to her in your own personal way, and stay the hell away from your ex and his family. Maybe spend the day listening to her favourite music, watching her favourite film, going for a walk someplace she loved, or whatever works for you. If you show up around his family I guarantee no good will come from that. And you don't know what kind of retaliation members of his family might want against you. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 It would be an extremely bad idea for you to attend the funeral. You have an on-going court case against this man. How do you think it will look in court when he says that you harassed him at his grandmother's funeral? Because that is surely what he WILL say. You need to stay away from him. If you want to say goodbye to his grandmother then you should visit the grave at a later date, when you can be alone with her and your memories. 2
Emilia Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 The best thing you could do is say goodbye to her in your own personal way, and stay the hell away from your ex and his family. ^^^^ This. My mother went to her brother's funeral despite huge family issues (not like yours, OP) and it was awful. I helped her to find her own personal way to help her mourn without visits to the grave afterwards.
Author amarieoh Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 Thank you all for your replies, my ex ended up reaching out to me via Facebook the other night letting me know that his grandma wanted him to let me know when she had passed, and said that regardless of our differences his grandma wanted me there. I did not message him back and did not attend the viewing tonight. I'm feeling really uneasy about all of this though, and feel like a bad person. I feel like I should at least send a card or something, if not to him then to his parents? Would that be a bad idea?
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Sorry for your loss. She sounded like quite a woman, you were lucky to have her in your life. My suggestion is, don't go to the funeral. She would totally understand why you didn't go - Instead, light a candle and remember her on the day of her funeral. Maybe visit her grave site in a few weeks or when you feel ready to. If you go to the funeral, it will cause other family members stress and that's something they don't need. Unfortunately whatever lies that are out there about your R with your ex, this is his family and you showing up will cause some drama..Just not worth it. No guilt, okay? His grandmother would not want you to suffer or feel bad about this. Hope this helps.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Thank you all for your replies, my ex ended up reaching out to me via Facebook the other night letting me know that his grandma wanted him to let me know when she had passed, and said that regardless of our differences his grandma wanted me there. I did not message him back and did not attend the viewing tonight. I'm feeling really uneasy about all of this though, and feel like a bad person. I feel like I should at least send a card or something, if not to him then to his parents? Would that be a bad idea? He sounds manipulative, OP. Don't reply. His Grandma would have wanted you safe an away from him. You're not a bad person. I would be super wary of making ANY move whatsoever, as it could be used against you in court if he's that way inclined. Remember his Grandma in your own way... a card is essentially a hollow token, I get that you might feel you want to send it to his parents and most people would, but try and remember that it could backfire horrible. It wouldn't look great on you to send it.
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