Kaiten Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 So I've been in the wrong relationship before. I know better now. I'm in my early 20's and I am trying to start my own software company, which I earnestly believe will be worth a lot. It's hard work doing it alone, but I know it will be worth it in the end. After my last breakup (which went as bad as a breakup can go) I learned 2 things: 1) Never judge a girl's character by what people say about her, or who she is around, or what she does for a living. 2) I shouldn't have to put my significant other on a pedestal to make and keep her happy. So with those two facts and the fact that I am trying to be an entrepreneur, I have, for the most part, chosen to forgo relationships for the time being. And for a long ass time, I didn't even meet a girl who I would even like enough to want to ask out. But I don't mean to sound vain. I got rejected quite a few times too Then it happened. I was actually at an event for performers, and I met this girl. She and I really hit it off, and there was just something about her that attracted me to her. I don't want to over-mystify it. But there was really a kind of feeling about her that kept me wanting to talk to her, even though I had no clue (at the time) how she felt about me. It was a two-day event, and I really enjoyed her company, and she and I laughed a lot. At the end of the event, I told her that I would like to see her again. Now, I've said that before, but I always expect the girl to just kinda bull**** and say something like, "Oh...uh...I mean...that'd be...cool?" That's not what happened at all. She immediately responded, "Yes. I want to see you again. We need to set something up." At which point I was taken aback. It's rare you meet a girl like that. We exchanged social media info and kept contact through that. She then gave me her number the next day. We've been kinda talking and getting to know each other. And we talk about how much fun we had together. And so the problem... The problem is that she is a few years younger than me. Just a few. But, I know that can be a big deal. I already like her because she is not involved in church. So she doesn't have people trying to control her life, and impose a "divine will" on her. If we were to be together it would be an interracial relationship. I find that quite interesting. I've never been in one, but I must admit there is just something about the very idea that is really just me. (What I mean is: I love it when things are more difficult. I love when there is something different about me in a room full of people. And I also like to cause a ruckus) She lives just one state over. I also like that for now. It's just a couple hours drive is all. It puts a gap in there that allows for us to miss each other. Just thinking. She is still in college and she is planning on going to nursing school at the moment. I have heard how arduous a task that is. In all honesty, my third mind tells me that it'd be unwise to go for her right now. I could see myself losing her by just not going to hang out with her. If that were the case I'd have regrets, but I certainly wouldn't die. As of now, there is another event that we both plan to attend in exactly one month. Should I just wait an entire month or would the magic of the first weekend die away? This seems difficult to me and that's why I like it. What would you do?
ja123 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You've given too fickle of an assessment of her. It is what it is, though, a chance meeting at an event. Don't go over board with contacting her now, but wait to see how you feel at the next event. Keep your eye on your business. Good luck! 1
GemmaUK Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If we were to be together it would be an interracial relationship. I find that quite interesting. I've never been in one, but I must admit there is just something about the very idea that is really just me. (What I mean is: I love it when things are more difficult. I love when there is something different about me in a room full of people. And I also like to cause a ruckus) Forgive me if I am wrong but this sorta sounds like you are interested in dating her for the reaction you may get. 2
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I didn't read the whole post but completely disagree with your first point. I fully believe in the old phrase "you are the company you keep". It's not the whole picture but it's a good window into the person.
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You should learn to trust your gut. Just because you had a couple of relationships that didn't work out doesn't mean your radar is off now. It just means those girls were a stepping stone that were suppose to be in your life for a while, just not forever. People change. People grow. Sometimes they grow together and sometimes they grow apart. No worries. As far as this new girl, just take it easy and try not to overthink it. You're going to totally take all the fun out of it if you analyze it to death. Just treat her the way that you would like to be treated. If you'd like to hear from her, reach out. If you'd like to see her, make plans. It's really just that simple. 3
Emilia Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If we were to be together it would be an interracial relationship. I find that quite interesting. I've never been in one, but I must admit there is just something about the very idea that is really just me. (What I mean is: I love it when things are more difficult. I love when there is something different about me in a room full of people. And I also like to cause a ruckus) She lives just one state over. I also like that for now. It's just a couple hours drive is all. It puts a gap in there that allows for us to miss each other. Just thinking. ....... This seems difficult to me and that's why I like it. What would you do? Your attraction to difficulty is your main issue. I understand curiosity, I get that way too sometimes and I am much older than you. I have also learned however that if I'm attracted to a challenge, it's not likely to work out. When something feels difficult already without even starting to date, it means you are setting up obstacles for yourself to avoid succeeding. Each challenge in itself presents an opportunity to sabotage a relationship: cultural differences (are they really big? Was she born in the US?), long distance, your lack of time. Because I want a relationship, I don't look for difficulties. Interracial/intercultural is not something I view as a challenge, I have been in several but the person's values need to be compatible with mine. As for the rest: lack of time combined with long distance to 'miss each other'... Personally, I think that's recipe for disaster. I don't think you are emotionally in the right place for a relationship, you should be honest with yourself.
FitChick Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 He is a performer so he likes attention. One reason I don't date them. 1
Author Kaiten Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Ja123 that's what I meant when I said I don't want to overmystify this.
Author Kaiten Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Crederer, I see what you mean but I'm telling you from experience that a lot of times a person's "social resume" is just like any other resume...It's purpose is to get you in the door and it's dressed up with fancy wording.
Author Kaiten Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Your attraction to difficulty is your main issue. I couldn't agree with you more. You may also be right in that I am not ready emotionally. I think it could go either way right now. My main thing is this: I don't want to be in "just another" relationship, JUST LIKE everyone else. I want a girl who wants to go conquer the world. A girl who wants to tackle problems and make this planet a better place. I know now that that is a lot to ask. But I still ask.
Author Kaiten Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 You should learn to trust your gut. Just because you had a couple of relationships that didn't work out doesn't mean your radar is off now......just take it easy and try not to overthink it. You're going to totally take all the fun out of it if you analyze it to death........It's really just that simple. This is, by far, one of the best response I have gotten or seen on this forum. it really is that simple huh? I have been overthinking this whole thing and that is probably a turnoff anyway. I just need to slow down. Lead myself. And just let the game play out. I remember Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink talked about the importance of split-second decisions. Thanks again. 1
Recommended Posts