LDR = Expensive!!

[justwhoiam]

As the older guy, it is, unfortunately, my responsibility to step up to the financial plate when it comes to seeing each other. She has no career yet, but is almost a personal trainer. A few weeks left and she will be.

1) Who's paying for her education? If she is, she has a job and some money in her pocket. If she doesn't, her parents might give her some money for her own expenses too.

 

2) You used the word "unfortunately", and no matter how much you are sugarcoating it for us, you are in a situation you basically don't like. So that means you need to rethink/reconsider your views, way of life and priorities.

 

$500 flight.... her airport is ridiculous expensive

We don't know where she is, but New York is served by Newark, La Guardia & JFK. Look into all of them + trains/bus services.

Also, even if you pay for her flight, 3 times out of 4 seems like a decent deal. She needs to contribute for as much as she can. With frequent flyer deals, you get discounts, if you don't have one and travel so much, you are planning wrong and missing out on big discounts/free flights. Learn to be wiser, given you claim you are "older" (not sure how old you are).

 

$350 hotel

For 2 nights, that seems good for NYC. But why should you stay in NYC every weekend she comes there?? You can move like 40 minutes up North and take her to the Hudson river towns. Lots to see there, nice mansions, nature, cheaper hotels.

 

$200+ coat, hat, boots

Please. Really? Tell her to shop online for herself. She can buy from ebay or whatever. Is she so dumb that she can't take care of herself? If she is, then she shouldn't be traveling on her own at all. A wool cap is cheap, it shouldn't even be in the budget...

I wouldn't exclude there are shops in her area, just she doesn't know about them. Where does she live? What city?

 

$500 entertainment budget

There are free museums, you know? And food can be cheap in NYC.

On a side note, you are treating her more like a doll than a person. It looks like she's not your girlfriend, rather a girl you'd like to be your gf. If she were your girlfriend, you'd cook for her, or she'd cook for you... or you'd have a sandwich or a slice of pizza, and budget wouldn't be an issue.

When I was in NYC last time, we ordered food through room service and it was around $30, or we could grab something in the street, or even stop by at some cosy place/café. It's a weekend, it's not like you need full meals all the time, your health/habits won't be affected; also, being in love and wanting to make the most of my visit with him, I was focused on other things, not so much on food............................

 

there isn't really any way to reduce this stuff.

Oh yes, there is. And I just proved it.

 

You'll be back on here in a few weeks saying you blew 2k, and never even got a feel of a tit.

Oh my!

 

Maybe not being a d#ck and caring about other people vs just myself is why I have so many girls in my life... hmmmm... go figure.

You sound like a womanizer, more than a boyfriend.

 

This is why guys hire escorts. Way cheaper. lol

It seems like you live above your means. Luckily some guys still value one-to-one relationships as in bf/gf vs hiring escorts. Or human bonds would soon disappear and everything would turn to business (to men's disadvantage).

 

Sometime this year, my boat should be done. At that time, my financial drag and hosting issues will be over.

My opinion on this is if you have your own place + a boat, it's all fine. But if you invested everything you have in a boat, just hope it doesn't get involved in some natural disaster, or you lose everything. Hopefully, you get a nice full coverage with some insurance company that will protect you from getting broke and homeless.

 

I will go to Goodwill to *donate* the coat eventually though.

Why? She won't come to your place ever again?

[gaius]

We don't know where she is, but New York is served by Newark, La Guardia & JFK. Look into all of them + trains/bus services.

Also, even if you pay for her flight, 3 times out of 4 seems like a decent deal. She needs to contribute for as much as she can. With frequent flyer deals, you get discounts, if you don't have one and travel so much, you are planning wrong and missing out on big discounts/free flights. Learn to be wiser, given you claim you are "older" (not sure how old you are).

Granted I don't know exactly where she lives but United has a hub at Newark and some of the best deals I've gotten from Tampa have flown through there. Just out of curiosity I checked flights from there to New Orleans, Savannah, Houston all 3 weeks in advance and they were all under 100 each way. If shes not even willing to haul it to the nearest big city airport I don't know what to tell you.

There are free museums, you know? And food can be cheap in NYC.

On a side note, you are treating her more like a doll than a person. It looks like she's not your girlfriend, rather a girl you'd like to be your gf. If she were your girlfriend, you'd cook for her, or she'd cook for you... or you'd have a sandwich or a slice of pizza, and budget wouldn't be an issue.

When I was in NYC last time, we ordered food through room service and it was around $30, or we could grab something in the street, or even stop by at some cosy place/café. It's a weekend, it's not like you need full meals all the time, your health/habits won't be affected; also, being in love and wanting to make the most of my visit with him, I was focused on other things, not so much on food............................

I'll admit that one of the allures of an LDR for a guy is that they're more exciting when your're actually together than a normal relationship. There are no lazy nights where you just grab some subway and redbox. As a man you come off as much more studly than you would otherwise. Everytime I went down to see Disenchantedly I had two months of dating budget saved up so we were usually going someplace exciting and a little expensive each time. You can easily get wrapped up in it. I'm sure part of the appeal for sully is looking like the super manhattan stud and he probably feels the need to spend accordingly, but getting carried away like that can easily start causing you problems. You're absolutely right about cost cutting in New York. I think you can even reserve museum passes from the library.

[justwhoiam]

There are no lazy nights where you just grab some subway and redbox.

Actually, last time I rented a redbox movie. We were in bed while it was on, and he didn't really watch it..........

Oh well, we tried. It just didn't work well. I guess it would have worked if we were living together... not 100% sure though. Only sure if kids were around.

[Emilia]

$500 for going out to drinks, meals, cabs, museums, stuff like that... is pretty normal here. Have you ever been? Last out of town guest cost me a grand too. This is why guys hire escorts. Way cheaper. lol

Yes I have been to Manhattan. 3 times.

 

Your priorities are skewed. It should be about getting to know her more not about dazzling her with high end expenses. Focus on the connection, not the entertainment. If you are only after the latter, you don't need to fly someone in from 'deep south'.

[carhill]

IDK, when visiting NYC regularly (had friends there), I used the airtrain (JFK), subway and walked and ate 'local' at the local delis and 'hole in the walls' and stayed at a clean inexpensive apartment hotel, or one of the chains on points (free). Got to be a regular visitor at the TKTS booths (theater tickets). Went for walks in Central Park. Took the Staten Island ferry (free). Etc, etc.

 

NYC doesn't have to be expensive. It can be, sure. Who introduced me to 'inexpensive' NYC? Well, it was the locals. Talk to people and immerse. Even the beat cops were a treasure trove of information.

 

IMO, the best value in LDR is learning to travel inexpensively. That leaves more resources for more trips and personal interaction. It can be done. No problem.

[Els]

Honestly, OP, if you want to splurge on the weekend, then do so. It's your money and your decision how to use it. FTR, when my guy and I were LDR, we spent as much on entertainment in 1 week as we do in several months living together now. I guess there is that element of wanting to cram everything in into a short period of time. We did spend lots of time on the couch together at night, but other times we were like tourists - going everywhere, trying everything, etc. It was great fun.

 

However, just bear in mind that you don't HAVE to if you don't want to. If this girl is in love with you, she'll want you just as much if you take her to a coffee place as she will if you take her to an upscale bar. So you have a lot of say in how expensive or frugal you want the weekend to be. It's all up to you.

[soccerrprp]

However, just bear in mind that you don't HAVE to if you don't want to. If this girl is in love with you, she'll want you just as much if you take her to a coffee place as she will if you take her to an upscale bar. So you have a lot of say in how expensive or frugal you want the weekend to be. It's all up to you.

 

Yes. This is so true, of course! When I visit my gf, she takes us to lodges, movies, pays for meals, etc. She does her part, but she's also very happy staying in and just being together. I recently had a talk with my gf about traveling and the costs involved and she suggested that i stop sending her flowers weekly. Funny, this is my lazy way out! I usually send something I've made, or some other little gift, but lately, being so busy, it was and is easier to send her flowers. But definitely not cheaper.

 

Again, for now, I can afford it AND I know that it will end (the traveling) by this summer. So, there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me and the pay-off will be HUGE!

 

I must admit, that at first, it was a tad bit concerning b/c you just don't know how serious you are with the person you're visiting. So, putting all that money into a LDR is risky. But I put 100% into the people I REALLY LIKE/LOVE, so I did and continue to do so. Again, an investment.

[CherryT]

Honestly, OP, if you want to splurge on the weekend, then do so. It's your money and your decision how to use it. FTR, when my guy and I were LDR, we spent as much on entertainment in 1 week as we do in several months living together now. I guess there is that element of wanting to cram everything in into a short period of time. We did spend lots of time on the couch together at night, but other times we were like tourists - going everywhere, trying everything, etc. It was great fun.

 

However, just bear in mind that you don't HAVE to if you don't want to. If this girl is in love with you, she'll want you just as much if you take her to a coffee place as she will if you take her to an upscale bar. So you have a lot of say in how expensive or frugal you want the weekend to be. It's all up to you.

 

I haven't read the whole thread, but this post is exactly it.

 

I would rather try and see each other more often, then spending frivolously each visit to be 'wined and dined'. My fiancé and I are in different countries, but we share a border. It costs about $400 for us to fly to one another and we both try and visit each other's country once a month (seeing each other every 2 weeks or so). When we see each other, we stay home and do things like cook together, relax, couple sh*t. We knew we wanted to be together eventually and we had to plan to endure the distance for awhile before I would eventually move. We have spent thousands in plane tickets in the last 2+ years, but if we were spending like you, our visits would be half the amount… and for us, our priority was seeing each other as much as possible. There were visits where we could do the nice things, but we didn't have to do it most times. Because we just enjoyed each others company.

 

We both have mortgages, bills, and other responsibilities. And although we both are doing well in our careers, spending $1000+ each month just wasn't necessary. We were serious about each other and had to plan for when I would eventually move, because that would cost us. And that was way more important to us then going out to nice restaurants for each meal during each visit.

[theothersully]

IDK, when visiting NYC regularly (had friends there), I used the airtrain (JFK), subway and walked and ate 'local' at the local delis and 'hole in the walls' and stayed at a clean inexpensive apartment hotel, or one of the chains on points (free). Got to be a regular visitor at the TKTS booths (theater tickets). Went for walks in Central Park. Took the Staten Island ferry (free). Etc, etc.

 

NYC doesn't have to be expensive. It can be, sure. Who introduced me to 'inexpensive' NYC? Well, it was the locals. Talk to people and immerse. Even the beat cops were a treasure trove of information.

 

IMO, the best value in LDR is learning to travel inexpensively. That leaves more resources for more trips and personal interaction. It can be done. No problem.

 

I've lived here 8 years now.

 

I don't like tourist stuff like Broadway, Times Square, etc.

 

Also, the girl is from the deep south. There is snow in central park and it was like 10F this morning. Same with riding the Staten Island ferry. Not a great way to keep a lady interested! lol

 

I live here (again after being away for many years). It is very expensive. There is no getting around that.

 

A cab to the 'hood i like to go out in is $20. Then $20 on the way home. I do not take women out to walk to the train in 10 degree weather.

 

I have to say, some of the input on this thread makes me wonder how you all will get/keep women. You have to be a man and take care of her, not a total penny pincher to the level your dates are boring and your girl is suffering.

 

Ny is what it is. All prices are bare bones at this point to still keep this girl interested/happy.

 

Nobody should be made to suffer on a date weekend so I can save $200 or $300.

 

I also eat pretty much only at whole foods and at restaurants with similar food.

 

Being cheap on food will cost you your health. Being cheap on dates will cost you your love life. I am not wiling to sacrifice either.

 

But it is very expensive compared to dating local. $500 plane tix, winter clothes and hotel are my items that are because of LD. The rest is just life in nyc. A local date would be like $500 for the whole weekend.

[Envy_rodge]

Ldr's are not beneficial for men. People in ldr's tend to cheat a lot. If I were you, I wouldn't so it, there are so many women out there.

 

Always remind yourself, there will always, always be a woman out there that can make you more happy, than the one you are with now. Even if you don't agree with this statement, it might help you one day.

 

Good luck.

[theothersully]

Yes. This is so true, of course! When I visit my gf, she takes us to lodges, movies, pays for meals, etc. She does her part, but she's also very happy staying in and just being together. I recently had a talk with my gf about traveling and the costs involved and she suggested that i stop sending her flowers weekly. Funny, this is my lazy way out! I usually send something I've made, or some other little gift, but lately, being so busy, it was and is easier to send her flowers. But definitely not cheaper.

 

Again, for now, I can afford it AND I know that it will end (the traveling) by this summer. So, there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me and the pay-off will be HUGE!

 

I must admit, that at first, it was a tad bit concerning b/c you just don't know how serious you are with the person you're visiting. So, putting all that money into a LDR is risky. But I put 100% into the people I REALLY LIKE/LOVE, so I did and continue to do so. Again, an investment.

 

Agreed. No idea how serious,but since my divorce, this is the one i have hit it off best with. It really felt strong because we clicked so well, went out separate ways, then she came back.... and i missed her when we did part. So.. well worth exploring.

 

She also is very interested in my normal life of boats and stuff. A possible candidate for doing that with me. I have to check if this might work out because there are so few people/women with an open mind and who are down to earth and willing to travel.

 

So just a little more here she has to offer than any local city girls. Even my other similar, but mean miami chick wasn't this open minded and she goes around all day trying to be.

 

So i really have to look into this and not blow it... lol

[carhill]

But it is very expensive compared to dating local. $500 plane tix, winter clothes and hotel are my items that are because of LD. The rest is just life in nyc. A local date would be like $500 for the whole weekend.

 

Ha, dating frugal women broke me of that habit and where did I find frugal women? In a similarly expensive city, Moscow! Added plus was they didn't mind walking in 10 degree weather (we did many times) and looked absolutely lovely in their mink coats to boot. I recall the cross-eyed looks I'd get when 'splurging' on box seats at the theater instead of the pit. Worst of these was the doctor I dated. I still have the wool scarf she made for me since, as a California guy, I had never seen such consistent cold. Inexpensive homemade gift; maximum impression.

 

Some of we frugal daters have done just fine in life. I did all the 'lifestyle' stuff too, and was married to boot and traveled the world. Things don't have to have big numbers to be meaningful. Sure, you can choose that. Why not try something novel? Talk to your LDR 'date' about it. See what she says. Good luck.

[theothersully]

Ldr's are not beneficial for men. People in ldr's tend to cheat a lot. If I were you, I wouldn't so it, there are so many women out there.

 

Always remind yourself, there will always, always be a woman out there that can make you more happy, than the one you are with now. Even if you don't agree with this statement, it might help you one day.

 

Good luck.

 

I know what you mean. I will be back to boat life soon though. And who knows... maybe I'llbe the one that cheats. Or..... she will move here. She has been kinda hinting that she wants to come to wherever I am. Time will tell. Because of the possible compatibility, I have to put a quarter in and pull the handle though. Life is full of risks and i take a lot of them. ha ha ha

 

So...even if it doesn't work, I still have the Miami chick around part time (she is going to Burning Man with me if this new one doesn't develop).

[dreamingoftigers]

I would like to make a minor suggestion.

I have travelled extensively throughout Canada/USA for employment and as a personal jaunt when I was younger.

 

If she is from the deep South, you are of course aware that she is not used to the temperature.

 

Her extremities will most likely actually HURT in 10F.

 

I am Canadian and mine hurt around 30F without gloves.

 

There are hand and foot warmers that come in (usually orange) packets sold in the camping/sporting goods section of walmart.

Those things have saved me from frostbite countless times.

 

One layer of cheap, dollar store stretchy gloves, one hand warmer and then layer a pair of warmer gloves on top.

 

The toe warmers have adhesives that stick to socks. I put one on my heel and on under my toes. Then I put a foot warmer in the arch of my foot. It's lumpy to walk on but it is much better than freezing toes.

 

Very cheap too. $1.27 CDN a pack. So, cheaper down there.

[theothersully]

Ha, dating frugal women broke me of that habit and where did I find frugal women? In a similarly expensive city, Moscow! Added plus was they didn't mind walking in 10 degree weather (we did many times) and looked absolutely lovely in their mink coats to boot. I recall the cross-eyed looks I'd get when 'splurging' on box seats at the theater instead of the pit. Worst of these was the doctor I dated. I still have the wool scarf she made for me since, as a California guy, I had never seen such consistent cold. Inexpensive homemade gift; maximum impression.

 

Some of we frugal daters have done just fine in life. I did all the 'lifestyle' stuff too, and was married to boot and traveled the world. Things don't have to have big numbers to be meaningful. Sure, you can choose that. Why not try something novel? Talk to your LDR 'date' about it. See what she says. Good luck.

 

 

That's true. I'll broach frugality a different time though. I want to just have a normal time here in Manhattan, seeing how we do as an official type thing. We can cross other bridges later. As a matter of fact, frugality will be easily introduced on rv and boat trips. I will go to see her by rv next, if i an get away a bit.

[gaius]

I have to say, some of the input on this thread makes me wonder how you all will get/keep women. You have to be a man and take care of her, not a total penny pincher to the level your dates are boring and your girl is suffering.

 

Ny is what it is. All prices are bare bones at this point to still keep this girl interested/happy.

 

Nobody should be made to suffer on a date weekend so I can save $200 or $300.

 

I also eat pretty much only at whole foods and at restaurants with similar food.

 

Being cheap on food will cost you your health. Being cheap on dates will cost you your love life. I am not wiling to sacrifice either.

You know I used to think that too. Hence plopping down $115 just for dinner on my first date. But after that she actually steered me away from that level of extravagant spending. We weren't going to the olive garden but there are ways of enjoying yourself and making a woman feel special and taken care of without spending what you're spending, at least when she actually gives a **** about you on some level. I think mine enjoyed the time I plopped down 35 bucks at an all vegetarian bistro I found that had some great unique food that was right up her alley more than our $115 first date.

[theothersully]

I would like to make a minor suggestion.

I have travelled extensively throughout Canada/USA for employment and as a personal jaunt when I was younger.

 

If she is from the deep South, you are of course aware that she is not used to the temperature.

 

Her extremities will most likely actually HURT in 10F.

 

I am Canadian and mine hurt around 30F without gloves.

 

There are hand and foot warmers that come in (usually orange) packets sold in the camping/sporting goods section of walmart.

Those things have saved me from frostbite countless times.

 

One layer of cheap, dollar store stretchy gloves, one hand warmer and then layer a pair of warmer gloves on top.

 

The toe warmers have adhesives that stick to socks. I put one on my heel and on under my toes. Then I put a foot warmer in the arch of my foot. It's lumpy to walk on but it is much better than freezing toes.

 

Very cheap too. $1.27 CDN a pack. So, cheaper down there.

 

^^^^^^^^ This! Exactly.

 

Half of my last 10 winters were spent in Florida, the last 4 consecutively. 30 degrees was painful at first! Then my body remembered all the years of snowboarding.

 

But i will do just that. Thanks for the reminder.

[theothersully]

You know I used to think that too. Hence plopping down $115 just for dinner on my first date. But after that she actually steered me away from that level of extravagant spending. We weren't going to the olive garden but there are ways of enjoying yourself and making a woman feel special and taken care of without spending what you're spending, at least when she actually gives a **** about you on some level. I think mine enjoyed the time I plopped down 35 bucks at an all vegetarian bistro I found that had some great unique food that was right up her alley more than our $115 first date.

 

This isn't even about her. I refuse to eat sh#t food and compromise my health. As many meals as i can will be at the whole foods buffet for about $40 for both of us. When eating out it is more tricky. It just costs to get good food. I don't want to eat sh#t food. That is my health comment.

 

Date wise, if your girl is made to suffer early on because you, say...are not keeping her warm when she is visiting you, I guarantee she won't be coming back.

 

The expensive stuff is the ldr stuff, not 2 typical nights out in Manhattan. I spend $300 myself a weekend usually going out. Another $200 to spend the weekend with a sweet girl who is very interested in you, 19, 5'1", 100 lbs tops, a personal trainer, super hot and fun to be around?

 

Priceless. Ha ha ha

 

PS: $5 noodle dinners in Chinatown are on the list too. Great stuff! But for the experience, not the cheapness.

[justwhoiam]

Yes I have been to Manhattan. 3 times.

Me, 6 times in around 2.5 years.

 

Not a great way to keep a lady interested! lol

You get what you pay for. You don't win a woman's heart through money spent on entertainment.

I have to say, some of the input on this thread makes me wonder how you all will get/keep women. You have to be a man and take care of her, not a total penny pincher to the level your dates are boring and your girl is suffering.

If you are a [man who uses] external entertainment to keep her interested, the chances for a relationship to work are very slim. You don't build a solid base for a relationship like that. You have a distorted vision on how to deal with women. And you'll eventually learn that the hard way. Or maybe you already did, as the women in your life, at least some of them, keep being around, taking advantage of what you have to offer, but not taking any step further with you and leaving their options basically open. You're good until the next one comes around.

I did things that were expensive in NYC, but they were:

1) one-time experiences

2) to-do things I wanted to share with him at least once in my life and have that memory for the rest of my life

 

I also eat pretty much only at whole foods and at restaurants with similar food.

I do too, when I'm at home, and I'm quite picky about hygiene and quality (talking about restaurants and food places). But I didn't have to eat whole/organic food while I was with him.

Always remind yourself, there will always, always be a woman out there

I agree. Especially if you splurge money easily, they'll flock. But at that point, maybe escorts are a good option. Anyway, this girl is only 19. Right now she's intrigued by the boat idea, but maybe she never set foot on one. Take her out on the high seas for a couple of months straight, in the company of a man with no entertainment other than fatigue tasks on the boat (is it a sailboat or a motor boat?), and see what happens. Edited January 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Conforming content retained.

[theothersully]

I was married for 10 years up until last year, in a relationship for 12. Have had mostly long term relationships through my life before that marriage.

 

I am no longer married due to a severe (diagnosed) mental health issue my ex had that turned her into a different person.... essentially, the woman I married died.

 

You are a tourist. You know nothing about American women or New York.

 

Ha!!!! and you know nothing about 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom catamarans either!

Edited January 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Conforming content retained

[theothersully]

Just curious, but do you know this for a fact? The same exact thing seemed to happen to my ex it was really ridiculous... and sad. She used to be so sweet and she turned into some crazyyyyyy person.

 

unfortunately, mine was diagnosed with about a 4 different mental illnesses. Her mom is schizophrenic, her great aunt had a lobotomy. I was her caregiver for 12 years, losing much of my life to helping her overcome what ran in her family. it was rough. Lots of meds, lots of helping her sort through thoughts. Lots of convincing her the voices she heard were not real or going to harm her.

 

Under all of that, she was a sweetheart.

 

But, we ended up loosing control of her condition. She snapped one night and was gone.

 

A complete reversal of personality. Died her hair blue, drained the joint account of $60k loves everything she used to hate and hates everything she used to love....including me.

 

She essentially died. That was who I would have been spending my life with.

[William]

Let's be done here before members are removed. Thanks!

[FitChick]

Because it has snowed in the Deep South, she might have already bought a coat, gloves and boots, so you can save money.

[Els]

I haven't read the whole thread, but this post is exactly it.

 

I would rather try and see each other more often, then spending frivolously each visit to be 'wined and dined'. My fiancé and I are in different countries, but we share a border. It costs about $400 for us to fly to one another and we both try and visit each other's country once a month (seeing each other every 2 weeks or so). When we see each other, we stay home and do things like cook together, relax, couple sh*t.

 

In our case, the flight cost $2000, so we could only see each other twice a year, for a couple of weeks. We did splurge a lot on the dates when we were together, but I guess we saw it as no different from splurging on an anniversary or birthday, due to the infrequency of visits. Food/entertainment in my country was REALLY cheap after currency conversion, so even after all the splurging (fine dining, etc) the damage was probably $500 or so. We could have whittled the cost down to $100 by staying home most of the time (and I specifically told him that I didn't mind that), but in the end we figured that since we'd already paid $2000 to even get there, might as well go all the way...

 

I digress. I think the point I'm trying to make is that you and I approached our visits with different mindsets re: spending, and yet here both of us are, still going strong. So, I think how much or little money is spent is probably irrelevant to the longevity of the R either way.

[CherryT]

In our case, the flight cost $2000, so we could only see each other twice a year, for a couple of weeks. We did splurge a lot on the dates when we were together, but I guess we saw it as no different from splurging on an anniversary or birthday, due to the infrequency of visits. Food/entertainment in my country was REALLY cheap after currency conversion, so even after all the splurging (fine dining, etc) the damage was probably $500 or so. We could have whittled the cost down to $100 by staying home most of the time (and I specifically told him that I didn't mind that), but in the end we figured that since we'd already paid $2000 to even get there, might as well go all the way...

 

I digress. I think the point I'm trying to make is that you and I approached our visits with different mindsets re: spending, and yet here both of us are, still going strong. So, I think how much or little money is spent is probably irrelevant to the longevity of the R either way.

 

I agree! We both spent how we felt was right. If I saw my SO every 6 months, I would definitely be splurging. But in our situation, we chose differently. At the end of it, we both wanted to be with our SO, whether we went out on a nice fancy dinner or if we stayed at home.

 

I think for the OP, if you're complaining that it's expensive or outweighing whether it's worth the expense or not… while having a 'back up' girl (Miami girl) in your back pocket, then it's up to you to decide whether it's in your means to date her. I know you said that it's YOU who doesn't want to eat crap food all weekend, and I totally understand that because I am very picky with the quality of my food as well. But there are ways to get around that. You can have a really nice, healthy, well-cooked meal at home with great ingredients. You can splurge on a nice bottle of wine or two. Cooking together, I think, is romantic and entertaining and you get a chance to really talk and get to know one another. Balance something like that with a night of going out and I'm sure you can slash your costs down. But I think if you're justifying the expense and feeling the need to splurge on dates then maybe you feel that she won't like you unless you take her out? In that case, you have to choose if that's the kind of woman you want to be with.

 

In the end, after 2+ years of LD and thousands of dollars spent on airfare and going out… to us, it was worth it. It was an investment we made so that today we could be in the same city.