MissTrudy Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I am constantly told that I am a catch by males and females alike, yet I am still single. Everything I read tells me that I am doing something wrong, but the examples of what I am supposedly doing wrong are not illustrative of my behavior or outlook. I honestly don't think I am doing anything wrong. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate... I am okay being single but I think romantic companionship would be nice. I've been going on dates but not chasing anyone, and right now I am on a dating detox because it's downright exhausting to meet men who seem into you but then go cold. Or not meet men at all when you put yourself out there. I don't have self-esteem issues and even though I think I am pretty awesome I am not cocky and I am humble and kind to everyone I meet. I make it clear when I like someone but I don't make myself too emotionally available. I don't play games though and I am not melodramatic. So this is what I am wondering, I am wondering if guys are intimidated by me, even if I am interested in them and they know I am interested. For example, one guy I used to date would comment on how I would earn more than him in the future because of the degree I am pursuing (obviously not a keeper, even though his income didn't bother me). Others never gave me such a tangible take-away, but would always tell me that I deserve better than them. I thought it a tactic guys use to break up with girls they're not into so that they don't seem like total dicks, but maybe they really meant it? Like they didn't feel worthy of me for whatever reason? If a woman is the whole "package" (highly intelligent, very attractive, socially competent, visibly into you, and humble) are you intimidated by her? Even if you click? Do you try to ensure that she's your's ASAP or do you drop her like a hot rock? I feel like women scoop up guys who are the whole package but I am starting to think that guys don't. All the girls I know in stable, healthy relationships right now have serious self-esteem issues or other problems and I keep being told that I can't find Mr. Right because I have low self-esteem or some other ailment, and as far as I can tell I am fine. Some of my pretty sane friends are in relationships but for each one that is, I know two crazies (some of whom are pretty) or bland (in terms of looks AND personality) who also are in relationships, and 2 pretty sane girls who are not in relationships but want to be in one. I am curious what others think.
Phantom888 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Everyone has their own preference, and chemistry is everything. You can definitely be a catch on paper, but if there is no chemistry, there can't be a relationship. My GF is amazing on paper (beautiful, intelligent, highly-paid executive, funny, interesting, well-traveled and HUGE natural boobs. ) Those are very desirable traits, but I couldn't be sure until that 1st kiss on our 1st date. OMG I was determined to "lock her down". There was NO WAY I would ever let this one go....she's perfect for me. But keep in mind, desirable men and women can be picky, because they can. If you want to lock down the perfect catch, you don't necessarily have to be perfect yourself. You just have to be perfect in his/her eyes, which may surprise you. I never imagined a sexy bombshell would be interested in an average Asian dude like me, but apparently, I was EXACTLY her type....even though she didn't know before she met me. 6
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 What is your income rate? I am still a student so he was referring to the income I'll have after I get my doctoral degree. I can't say for sure what my income will be once I get a job, but given the jobs I'm looking at and my academic "pedigree" (degrees from two ivy league institutions, competitive fellowships from national and international organizations, etc) I am likely to make $90,000 +/- $20,000. But this isn't a given and I never talk about money, and my earning potential, I am very humble about that because again, I don't know what's going to happen. I might end up working as a waitress with my two degrees, who knows. But I think I have enough drive and creativity so that even if I don't get the job I'm studying for, I will have a fulfilling job and financial security. What are your dating requirements? You're probably asking this because you think I have some crazy list but I am super proud to say that if anything, I should have more requirements lol. I am pretty open to who I date and I've dated a diverse range of guys from different races, cultural, economic, and social backgrounds (I've dated someone from every inhabited continent except for Australia). But for requirements: 1. He's taller than me (which is easy as I am 5'4"ish; most of the guys I've dated are around 5'7" - 5'10"). 2. He has a college degree OR a VERY good reason for not having one. Fail this requirement and it's probably a deal breaker for something long-term. I did date someone who did not have a college degree (he barely made it out of high school) and while it was a concern it wasn't the deal breaker. For me being intellectually engaged is important, and while I know that a degree does not ensure that someone is an intellectual, it is a good sign that education is important to the person and education is extremely important to me, for reasons that are not entirely relevant to this thread. 3. Drug/Cigarette free. I'd prefer that he never used drugs at all but he definitely cannot use drugs currently. I've never used drugs and I have asthma. My ex was a smoker and he knew it was an issue for me but I liked him a lot so I overlooked it/he wouldn't smoke around me. That is not why we broke up, although if we were to have continued our relationship I probably would've pressured him to quit not just for me but for his own health. 4. Treats people with respect regardless of their race, religion, and socioeconomic class. I feel like this shouldn't even have to be stated as a requirement as it should be common sense... 5. Honest with me and good communicator. 6. Within my age range (24 - 30ish...I don't think I'd date anyone over 34, the age of the oldest guy I've dated). I've been lenient on all of these things except for number 4, 5, and 6. Fortunately I've never encountered a guy with which #4 turned out to be the deal breaker. Two past relationships ended because of failure to meet expectation #5. And when a guy who is 40/50 hits on me (I'm 25 but a lot of people think that I look like an undergraduate -_-) that's just creepy and I DO NOT have to justify my feelings about that. 1
KaylaP Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I am constantly told that I am a catch by males and females alike, yet I am still single. Everything I read tells me that I am doing something wrong, but the examples of what I am supposedly doing wrong are not illustrative of my behavior or outlook. I honestly don't think I am doing anything wrong. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate... I am okay being single but I think romantic companionship would be nice. I've been going on dates but not chasing anyone, and right now I am on a dating detox because it's downright exhausting to meet men who seem into you but then go cold. Or not meet men at all when you put yourself out there. I don't have self-esteem issues and even though I think I am pretty awesome I am not cocky and I am humble and kind to everyone I meet. I make it clear when I like someone but I don't make myself too emotionally available. I don't play games though and I am not melodramatic. So this is what I am wondering, I am wondering if guys are intimidated by me, even if I am interested in them and they know I am interested. For example, one guy I used to date would comment on how I would earn more than him in the future because of the degree I am pursuing (obviously not a keeper, even though his income didn't bother me). Others never gave me such a tangible take-away, but would always tell me that I deserve better than them. I thought it a tactic guys use to break up with girls they're not into so that they don't seem like total dicks, but maybe they really meant it? Like they didn't feel worthy of me for whatever reason? If a woman is the whole "package" (highly intelligent, very attractive, socially competent, visibly into you, and humble) are you intimidated by her? Even if you click? Do you try to ensure that she's your's ASAP or do you drop her like a hot rock? I feel like women scoop up guys who are the whole package but I am starting to think that guys don't. All the girls I know in stable, healthy relationships right now have serious self-esteem issues or other problems and I keep being told that I can't find Mr. Right because I have low self-esteem or some other ailment, and as far as I can tell I am fine. Some of my pretty sane friends are in relationships but for each one that is, I know two crazies (some of whom are pretty) or bland (in terms of looks AND personality) who also are in relationships, and 2 pretty sane girls who are not in relationships but want to be in one. I am curious what others think. Idk but maybe u seem too picture perfect if that makes any sense and its not working in your favor? Talk to someone about it ASAP.
Weezy1973 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I am constantly told that I am a catch by males and females alike, yet I am still single. Everything I read tells me that I am doing something wrong, but the examples of what I am supposedly doing wrong are not illustrative of my behavior or outlook. I honestly don't think I am doing anything wrong. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate... I am okay being single but I think romantic companionship would be nice. I've been going on dates but not chasing anyone, and right now I am on a dating detox because it's downright exhausting to meet men who seem into you but then go cold. Or not meet men at all when you put yourself out there. I don't have self-esteem issues and even though I think I am pretty awesome I am not cocky and I am humble and kind to everyone I meet. I make it clear when I like someone but I don't make myself too emotionally available. I don't play games though and I am not melodramatic. So this is what I am wondering, I am wondering if guys are intimidated by me, even if I am interested in them and they know I am interested. For example, one guy I used to date would comment on how I would earn more than him in the future because of the degree I am pursuing (obviously not a keeper, even though his income didn't bother me). Others never gave me such a tangible take-away, but would always tell me that I deserve better than them. I thought it a tactic guys use to break up with girls they're not into so that they don't seem like total dicks, but maybe they really meant it? Like they didn't feel worthy of me for whatever reason? If a woman is the whole "package" (highly intelligent, very attractive, socially competent, visibly into you, and humble) are you intimidated by her? Even if you click? Do you try to ensure that she's your's ASAP or do you drop her like a hot rock? I feel like women scoop up guys who are the whole package but I am starting to think that guys don't. All the girls I know in stable, healthy relationships right now have serious self-esteem issues or other problems and I keep being told that I can't find Mr. Right because I have low self-esteem or some other ailment, and as far as I can tell I am fine. Some of my pretty sane friends are in relationships but for each one that is, I know two crazies (some of whom are pretty) or bland (in terms of looks AND personality) who also are in relationships, and 2 pretty sane girls who are not in relationships but want to be in one. I am curious what others think. OP what are your flaws? Nobody is perfect! Often it's our vulnerabilities that connect us the most with others. It sounds from your post that you are intent on being "a great catch" which to me sounds like you might be a perfectionist. Which is actually not at all healthy (regardless of how much the perfectionist accomplishes). Guys can smell a perfectionist a mile away and tend to run away pretty quickly...wayyy too much pressure!
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I grew up in a tough coal mining area. Most people were liberal democrats and a few libertarians. When I went to college I was exposed to more of the conservative suburban type girls. Quite a few were the perfect catch types, beautiful, wealthy, and very social. I dated my share and honestly I got very bored with them. There wasn't anything wrong with them but I was really bored. Now I'm not saying your boring but maybe some of the men you have dated feel that way. Honestly I avoid that type of girl now and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just keep looking for that right guy or stop looking and maybe one day he will appear. 1
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 OP what are your flaws? Nobody is perfect! Often it's our vulnerabilities that connect us the most with others. It sounds from your post that you are intent on being "a great catch" which to me sounds like you might be a perfectionist. Which is actually not at all healthy (regardless of how much the perfectionist accomplishes). Guys can smell a perfectionist a mile away and tend to run away pretty quickly...wayyy too much pressure! I can be kind of shy sometimes (it takes me a bit of time to open up to people). I am very humble about my achievements (I won one of the highest achievements at my university and didn't tell anyone..my advisor spilled the beans to my colleagues) I am an academic overachiever. I admit that I can be a perfectionist with my work; I am always prepared. I don't half-ass things and in the work environment I know it intimidates others because I always come in with polished presentations. I am really into the aesthetics of my work, the food I make (I love cooking), and how I dress. I don't come off as high-maintenance because I don't wear designer labels or make-up but I do try to look good and take pride in my appearance. Based on interactions with other students in my programs, I think I do intimidate them because of my preparedness...but I don't think I come off as intimidating to guys...but maybe I do?? Everyone seems to comment that I have it all together, or at least I put off the vibe that I have it all together. Once I start seeing someone though I am very clear and open about my background and that I've always had to work hard for everything that I've achieved so in that sense I am not perfect and never aim to be.
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I grew up in a tough coal mining area. Most people were liberal democrats and a few libertarians. When I went to college I was exposed to more of the conservative suburban type girls. Quite a few were the perfect catch types, beautiful, wealthy, and very social. I dated my share and honestly I got very bored with them. There wasn't anything wrong with them but I was really bored. Now I'm not saying your boring but maybe some of the men you have dated feel that way. Honestly I avoid that type of girl now and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just keep looking for that right guy or stop looking and maybe one day he will appear. Yay coal miners! I grew up in a granite quarrying town so I know exactly what you mean...my experience in undergraduate was very much like your's in terms of meeting new types of (boring) people. who knows, maybe I am just a little too far out of the comfort zone for the types of guys that populate the area I'm in now. 1
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yay coal miners! I grew up in a granite quarrying town so I know exactly what you mean...my experience in undergraduate was very much like your's in terms of meeting new types of (boring) people. who knows, maybe I am just a little too far out of the comfort zone for the types of guys that populate the area I'm in now. Maybe so just hang in there, you'll meet the right guy.
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Coal will replaced by nuclear and these dangerous mines will be closed. Lmao, let's not get all politico.
Eau Claire Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 (edited) This thread is more akin to the guys who go on about what a good catch they are but no woman wants them. Then is shifts to but...but... Hint..millions...tens of millions...hundreds of millions of women find great men to be with with. What have or are they doing that catches the proverbial Mr Right? Forget the other great gals who also can't get a guy. That is just giving your self esteem somewhere to hide behind. In the real world restaurants don't fold because their food is too good. Teams don't lose because they are too good. Armies are not defeated because they are too good......women do not stay partnerless because they are too good. When you were asked for your flaws, you answer like on a job interview..'I work too hard'. No what are your actual flaws? Why do you think you are not attracting the right man...and stop with 'because they are not worthy'. Men will try to pick up a fire hydrant or the Queen. It's not about the men. Men are not that discriminating. Edited January 28, 2014 by Eau Claire 1
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You're probably asking this because you think I have some crazy list[/Quote] Admittedly, yeah. Because I run into a lot of guys I would consider catches, but then again, what a straight man and a straight woman consider a "catch" are probably very different but I am super proud to say that if anything, I should have more requirements lol. I am pretty open to who I date and I've dated a diverse range of guys from different races, cultural, economic, and social backgrounds (I've dated someone from every inhabited continent except for Australia). But for requirements: 1. He's taller than me (which is easy as I am 5'4"ish; most of the guys I've dated are around 5'7" - 5'10").[/Quote] Understandable. I would say this is fair. 2. He has a college degree OR a VERY good reason for not having one. Fail this requirement and it's probably a deal breaker for something long-term. I did date someone who did not have a college degree (he barely made it out of high school) and while it was a concern it wasn't the deal breaker. For me being intellectually engaged is important, and while I know that a degree does not ensure that someone is an intellectual, it is a good sign that education is important to the person and education is extremely important to me, for reasons that are not entirely relevant to this thread.[/Quote] I view academia the same way, I'm an honor student and think education is very important. At the same time, I realize education is largely relegated to people who have the time and money to go to school and there are some naturally smart people who simply don't have the same opportunities. If a girl didn't have a degree but I could tell she was legitimately smart, I would be alright with it. 3. Drug/Cigarette free. I'd prefer that he never used drugs at all but he definitely cannot use drugs currently. I've never used drugs and I have asthma. My ex was a smoker and he knew it was an issue for me but I liked him a lot so I overlooked it/he wouldn't smoke around me. That is not why we broke up, although if we were to have continued our relationship I probably would've pressured him to quit not just for me but for his own health.[/Quote] I'm with you here. Ideally I'd like my future long term partner to have never done drugs as outside of alcohol, I've never done any, but I know that's asking for a lot in this day and age. I guess all I'd ask is that if they were smokers/drug users/partiers before, that that part of their life is now over and they're not going back to it. 4. Treats people with respect regardless of their race, religion, and socioeconomic class. I feel like this shouldn't even have to be stated as a requirement as it should be common sense…[/Quote] Completely agree. 5. Honest with me and good communicator. [/Quote] Ditto. 6. Within my age range (24 - 30ish...I don't think I'd date anyone over 34, the age of the oldest guy I've dated).[/Quote] Agree with this as well. Well, personally I see nothing wrong with your vetting process and actually my process is eerily similar to yours. So I guess the question would be how much attention do you get from men? What are your prospects like? Do you get hit on/asked out often? This is not to insult you by any means, but you may feel you are all these great things, but the men just don't see it the same way. Being a "catch" is a subjective term. You may consider yourself a catch, but any given man may see things differently.
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I spent one year in West Virginia. It was pure hell. I criticized the coal industry for having unsafe mines and instead of reasonable debate I got threatened. Well the thing is that's the only work those guys have up there. I don't live in WV but I have family that moved there after arch mineral left east ky. Everyone that worked the surface mines are laid off right now. Most of those guys that work in the coal industry probally vote for the same politicians that you do. Do you really want more of the other side in office? If someone from another state came and said your job was dangerous and needed to be done away with, how would you react?
InnocentMan Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 They may well be intimidated by you, or you may actually just not be their type in some way. Men have 'dealbreakers' also. Some are totally irrational, and can be as stupid as the way you laugh, or order your food. Being a great catch on paper, doesn't always translate into real life. The reality is, humans are not that compatible with other humans on a grand scale. The mysteries of true compatibility are just that, a mystery. Most of us just get bored of the ****, and settle for a close match. Others search for perfection all their life. Some find it, most don't. It's best just to keep an open mind, and one day, perhaps one of these dudes without a college degree will surprise you. 3
emva07 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 totally with you on the self-esteem thing....it seems that people are quick to point the finger and say single girls have low self esteem and taken girls are the best thing since slice bread when ironically enough, the girls in relationships I know are in relationships where they are being treated like crap but stay in the relationship because they don't want to be single and desperate to get married by 30. Making excuses for guys and putting a happy face to the world. Pfft. You DO sound like a great catch, but yes, compatibility in personality is a factor here. Also a big factor here...most guys your age aren't looking for a good catch...they're looking for a good lay so it may take you a while before a guy likes you for your personality...you just have to be patient, it will happen. Guys looking for a good catch are out there. 2
Disillusioned Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 My problem has always been that the wrong kinds of women think I'm a catch... while the women I think are catches just don't have the hots for me.
emva07 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 My problem has always been that the wrong kinds of women think I'm a catch... while the women I think are catches just don't have the hots for me. i think this is most people. Two people catching each other is like a needle in a haystack. 1
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 This thread is more akin to the guys who go on about what a good catch they are but no woman wants them. Then is shifts to but...but... Hint..millions...tens of millions...hundreds of millions of women find great men to be with with. What have or are they doing that catches the proverbial Mr Right? Forget the other great gals who also can't get a guy. That is just giving your self esteem somewhere to hide behind. In the real world restaurants don't fold because their food is too good. Teams don't lose because they are too good. Armies are not defeated because they are too good......women do not stay partnerless because they are too good. When you were asked for your flaws, you answer like on a job interview..'I work too hard'. No what are your actual flaws? Why do you think you are not attracting the right man...and stop with 'because they are not worthy'. Men will try to pick up a fire hydrant or the Queen. It's not about the men. Men are not that discriminating. I think the qualities I listed are why I am not attracting the right men, but since you think I answer like I am in a job interview, let me rephrase them so it's more palatable: 1. I am shy. I don't go out of my way to socialize with people. I could put myself out there more to make new friends both male and female. It takes me time to warm up to people. 2. I don't talk about myself. I mean, if you ask me a question about myself I will answer it but I don't go out of my way to tell a person my life story. I don't get buddy buddy with strangers. I flirt but I am not a flirt. 3. I am an intelligent, high-achieving woman and to be blunt I know that intimidates some men. There are men who hit on me who I would never go near because they do not meet the basic requirements that I listed earlier in the thread. I am selective in that sense, because I have a list, but I think my list is valid. There've been men who've hit on me and we'll go on a date and there's no chemistry, so it ends and I understand. What I don't understand is why a man will hit on me, go out with me, and there is chemistry, but then all of a sudden when things are going well (like we'll date for a month or two) he will back out and say I'm too good for him or some other crap. So I'm attracting non-committal types. I recognize that. I don't make myself too emotionally available because of that. Yet it still happens. So I don't know what's going on. 1
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I forgot to post this.... Are you going about your relationships in the same way you go about your work? Maybe your over preparing or over thinking your relationships. I've had this problem in the past, and yes it can scare your partner away. I don't think you have self esteem issues you sound very confident and sure of your self. I'm probably not the best person to take relationship advice from. I actually started posting on here to get advice on how to avoid advances and women that where interested in me. But I am a workaholic and have been down these roads before. Best of luck
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Well, personally I see nothing wrong with your vetting process and actually my process is eerily similar to yours. So I guess the question would be how much attention do you get from men? What are your prospects like? Do you get hit on/asked out often? This is not to insult you by any means, but you may feel you are all these great things, but the men just don't see it the same way. Being a "catch" is a subjective term. You may consider yourself a catch, but any given man may see things differently. Ha it seems like our lists are tit for tat! In answer to your other questions, simply walking down the street I'll get attention from guys that don't fit my education and age requirement. I totally agree with you about education and how access to it is stratified, and I am sensitive to the fact that this is an issue, but these guys would never pick up a book if it was given to them for free so it just wouldn't work. I don't really go out to places where guys my age hang out (bars, clubs, etc) and when I do I'll get hit on maybe once or twice that night. Unfortunately most of my hobbies (art, cooking, gardening, aerobics, volunteer tutoring) are solitary or dominated by females so I have not met a guy through those activities. Any tips for where to meet decent guys in my age range? I've done OLD and I've gotten a decent amount of attention from that, on sites like OKC maybe 2-3 messages from new guys a day (half of them I'm actually attracted to from photos alone, but if the guy meets my requirements and isn't a creep I will message him back regardless of photos) and other sites maybe 5-6 messages. On OKC I would also initiate contact with guys that I had a high match percentage with, shared interests, and physical attraction towards; about half of them would respond. It is very likely that I am not a good match for the majority of the men where I live, I take no offense to you mentioning it. Many of the men here are very intelligent and I know some of them are super picky (one of my guy friends dumped a girl because he didn't like her nose. Nothing was wrong with her nose, in fact it looked kind of like mine and he asked me out a few months later lol). They all have similar hobbies and I joke with my friends that they're all the same looking for the same kind of girl. When I was studying in Europe last year I got more attention from guys (and attractive guys at that) than I've ever had in my life, and I don't know why but maybe I just am more in tune with them culturally. I think a renewed student visa might help my cause.
Author MissTrudy Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I forgot to post this.... Are you going about your relationships in the same way you go about your work? Maybe your over preparing or over thinking your relationships. I've had this problem in the past, and yes it can scare your partner away. I don't think you have self esteem issues you sound very confident and sure of your self. I'm probably not the best person to take relationship advice from. I actually started posting on here to get advice on how to avoid advances and women that where interested in me. But I am a workaholic and have been down these roads before. Best of luck This is a really good point. I don't think I approach my relationships like work but I need to think about it harder. I do overanalyze stuff generally but because of this I try REALLY hard not to do this in relationships...with mild success lol. I do put work before a lot of things but I want to be in a relationship so I am making room for that...it's not going before work and my family but I am giving it a lot of attention such that it doesn't interfere with my career but my career doesn't interfere with me dating. I do put my best foot forward and maybe I come off as too serious sometimes? Surely not helped by the fact that I am reserved by nature. It does take me some time to loosen up and some of my first dates have been awkward in my mind but apparently not awkward enough for a second date to be out of the question. This is definitely a possibility though, thanks. 1
DL2mer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 This is a really good point. I don't think I approach my relationships like work but I need to think about it harder. I do overanalyze stuff generally but because of this I try REALLY hard not to do this in relationships...with mild success lol. I do put work before a lot of things but I want to be in a relationship so I am making room for that...it's not going before work and my family but I am giving it a lot of attention such that it doesn't interfere with my career but my career doesn't interfere with me dating. I do put my best foot forward and maybe I come off as too serious sometimes? Surely not helped by the fact that I am reserved by nature. It does take me some time to loosen up and some of my first dates have been awkward in my mind but apparently not awkward enough for a second date to be out of the question. This is definitely a possibility though, thanks. Being reserved can cause issues meeting people. Men have more trouble with this than women do. You may need to keep an eye out for a guy that is reserved yet meets your criteria. Granted it may take some time and work to get a guy like that once you find him. The good thing about a guy like that is he's not just interested in sex, money, and might be pleasantly surprising. As far as places to meet guys first off I would avoid bars, gyms, and matchmakers. Go to a book store or art shows or places where you can explore a new hobby. Even if you are making time in your life for a relationship doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship next week take your time.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Crazy girls are better in the sack,there could be truth to what you're saying. I am constantly told that I am a catch by males and females alike, yet I am still single. Everything I read tells me that I am doing something wrong, but the examples of what I am supposedly doing wrong are not illustrative of my behavior or outlook. I honestly don't think I am doing anything wrong. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate... I am okay being single but I think romantic companionship would be nice. I've been going on dates but not chasing anyone, and right now I am on a dating detox because it's downright exhausting to meet men who seem into you but then go cold. Or not meet men at all when you put yourself out there. I don't have self-esteem issues and even though I think I am pretty awesome I am not cocky and I am humble and kind to everyone I meet. I make it clear when I like someone but I don't make myself too emotionally available. I don't play games though and I am not melodramatic. So this is what I am wondering, I am wondering if guys are intimidated by me, even if I am interested in them and they know I am interested. For example, one guy I used to date would comment on how I would earn more than him in the future because of the degree I am pursuing (obviously not a keeper, even though his income didn't bother me). Others never gave me such a tangible take-away, but would always tell me that I deserve better than them. I thought it a tactic guys use to break up with girls they're not into so that they don't seem like total dicks, but maybe they really meant it? Like they didn't feel worthy of me for whatever reason? If a woman is the whole "package" (highly intelligent, very attractive, socially competent, visibly into you, and humble) are you intimidated by her? Even if you click? Do you try to ensure that she's your's ASAP or do you drop her like a hot rock? I feel like women scoop up guys who are the whole package but I am starting to think that guys don't. All the girls I know in stable, healthy relationships right now have serious self-esteem issues or other problems and I keep being told that I can't find Mr. Right because I have low self-esteem or some other ailment, and as far as I can tell I am fine. Some of my pretty sane friends are in relationships but for each one that is, I know two crazies (some of whom are pretty) or bland (in terms of looks AND personality) who also are in relationships, and 2 pretty sane girls who are not in relationships but want to be in one. I am curious what others think.
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