rderrick Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Technically it isn't quite a relationship - I've been dating a coworker for about two months now but I have no idea if it is going anywhere. We've had a great time so far but she is most likely moving back home (15 hours away) in June which will end the relationship (she's considered staying and we've brought it up before but obviously not trying to decide anything serious now). Anyways, she was gone for about a week and came back today. We were both excited to see each other but ended up not talking too much (she was a little stressed and had to stay late). Disappointed, I texted her and told her I would've liked to see her a little more and asked her to come over for dinner tomorrow. She texted back a couple of hours later saying probably not but maybe Wednesday or Thursday. To me, this is weird because we've gone out probably near ten times and not once has she ever said no or was not excited. I do sort of think it's a little off-putting to offer to cook for someone and that person say no but then say maybe to two other days while not considering your plans/schedule. I don't like to admit it, but I tend to over-analyze and think the worse. I'm having a hard time figuring out if this is just stress related (maybe it's that time) or if there is something more. I'm also not one to over-text someone thinking there is something wrong (actually haven't responded to the above text). I would just like some thoughts on what this might be about. I already think in the back of my mind if something is not right then I should jump out because she is probably leaving in a few months and I'm already pretty into her. Thanks.
Survivor12 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Give her a break. She just got back today after being away for a week. She likely has things to catch up on--laundry, bills, food shopping, sleep to name a few. It's also possible that she may have some "personal" grooming she wants to take care of before seeing you. Relax! 2
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You are over analyzing. The fact that she suggested an alternative date is an indication that you remain important to her but she has scheduling issues, that's all. Relax. Enjoy dinner.
John Derrick Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks for the advice! I ended up telling her well see about tomorrow or Thursday but I don't think I will end up trying one of those days. I don't want to be too readily available which I think I've been. Honestly, we've spent probably too much time together in the past two months. We work together 40 hours per week and see each other probably 2-3 times including weekends. Do you think it might be smart to back off and let her come back and want to hang out? Most of the time I initiated but it was always well received. I've treated her very well but I don't want her to feel like it is a routine or get accustomed to it. Maybe a little space is a good thing. Thoughts?
Shosh Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Women in general don't like it when a guy they have started to date suddenly pulls back and contacts them less. So I would not necessarily suggest you do that. What you could do instead is put the ball in her corner. For example she said maybe Wednesday or Thursday. Don't ask her about it again but wait for her to suggest it. If she does not, let it go and don't mention it again. It will surely make her wonder. Ask her out again in a few days, if her answer is not 'Yes'. Ask her to let you know when she wants to go out. That way you show interest but you put the ball in her corner. Whether she actually gets back to you and suggests dates tells you whether she is still interested or not.
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 She texted back a couple of hours later saying probably not but maybe Wednesday or Thursday. See now if she'd just said "probably not" or "sorry I'm busy" or whatever then I would agree with you that it is a blow-off. But she didn't she suggested alternative dates. What do you mean she didn't consider your schedule? She told you that she could not make your suggested date but offered up two alternative dates that she could make! This is an invitation for you to choose one. Why not just say "thursday is good for me, I'll pick you up at 8" or whatever? Not sure why you're making this so hard for yourself!
Emilia Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 This is a 'relationship' that indeed isn't going anywhere. This means any kind of investment by both parties will be a complete waste of time and emotions. Maybe she is realising this before you are.
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