jjc82 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 The relationship in bullet points: -Met in college -She was seeing someone else while seeing me before we were "official." Didn't tell me until months later. Though having apologized, she never once considered this cheating. I ended up contracting HPV and genital warts from this. -Moved on from previous incident. Overall, a great relationship. Good communication, depth of feeling. -Were together 8 years before I suffered from GIGS. She moved out despite my protestations. I quickly changed my tune and begged her to come back. -The weekend after she left, she ended up in bed with another guy. Didn't have sex because no condom. -We started talking, seeing each other, and dating. We talked about getting back together and said "I love you" constantly. I was desperate. -She told me of plans to go visit an ex in another city for a party. She ended up sleeping with him. A week later, she traveled to another city to meet the previous guy. She slept with him. -We continued seeing one another, she told me about the other men, and though hurt, I accepted it. -She moved back in with the promise we were starting a new relationship and a proposal would follow. -I had great difficulty in dealing with my emotions from her seeing other guys. We got into numerous fights. She expressed no regret or sympathy. At one point, she even said she regretted apologizing for the guy from the beginning of our relationship. This made it difficult to want to propose. -The honeymoon period wore off. She put no effort into making a new relationship and fell back into old habits. I began to despair and eventually stopped putting effort into moving toward a proposal. She gave me multiple ultimatums: if there's no ring by a given date, she's gone. -She moved out in November, having looked for apartments and deciding before even telling me. She says she gave plenty of warning. -We tried staying together while living apart. It was difficult for me and she broke up. -We were unable to maintain NC and having been seeing each other at least once a week. -We went to a counselor and tried to formulate a plan to move forward. Where I stand now: I'm reeling from her moving out and the loneliness and rejection I feel. I have zero self confidence and self worth. It's sapped the enthusiasm I once had in trying to keep the relationship together. She remains unrepentant and says she won't go back to the way the relationship was. Multiple times she's said she won't move back with a ring. Thoughts?
flightplan Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 For some reason I get an image of an octopus falling out of a tree. This relationship is all over the map. Just based on what you wrote... consider yourself lucky and be done with it. Move on. Too many bones in the closet to overcome. It's not meant to be. A bona fide healthy relationship is not that hard if both are committed to one another. I'm not seeing that here. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Other than the initial affair 8 years ago, which you already forgave her for, what does she have to be repentant about? After you dumped her, she went out & lived her life. She didn't do anything wrong (except maybe over share). Your relationship is over. Why it's over or whose fault it is, don't matter as much as the fact that you wanted out. Once you got out, you decided you made a mistake but I submit that maybe you didn't. You got back together & found new stuff to be mad about. You simply replaced one set of a problems with another. She has now again. It's time to accept that it's over & move forward. Yes change is scary. Yes you will be lonely for a while but this is a new chapter in your life. Find a way to enjoy it. 1
Recommended Posts