blueberry13 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 This past year I have posted here a few times. Once bc of finding an inappropriate text to a female that my husband met at a bar, and also bc I found out my husband had lied numerous times regarding strip clubs and lap dances. My last post was about husband hanging out in hot spot nightclubs frequently when on business trips and fun guy trips, wondering if this is acceptable. Not only that, but the business men he meets with had hired high class prostitutes (lol high class) for those interested and they hung out at the club with them this past year. Being my husband told me this I should assume he doesn't participate. Married 18 years with kids... Most recently, husband went to vegas (for a convention) with extremely wealthy and not so trustworthy people and I didn't ask a single question. He solicited to me that it was a mellow trip bc the guys were jet lagged and that they just went to dinners and gambled. He said he didn't go to clubs. However, he got a new phone and his old phone was lying around. Yes I peeked and saw his conversation with the guys and he was clubbing it up. Mentioned how great the club was he went to and that he was going to his favorite club the following night. SOunded so childish to me. I get it's a guys white lie, but now they are adding up. I've kept it to myself bc I don't want to be a pestering wife. But lies just hurt. It's making me feel terrible and not trust what he says. Thank you all for any encouraging words...
tiredofitall2 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 This past year I have posted here a few times. Once bc of finding an inappropriate text to a female that my husband met at a bar, and also bc I found out my husband had lied numerous times regarding strip clubs and lap dances. My last post was about husband hanging out in hot spot nightclubs frequently when on business trips and fun guy trips, wondering if this is acceptable. Not only that, but the business men he meets with had hired high class prostitutes (lol high class) for those interested and they hung out at the club with them this past year. Being my husband told me this I should assume he doesn't participate. Married 18 years with kids... Most recently, husband went to vegas (for a convention) with extremely wealthy and not so trustworthy people and I didn't ask a single question. He solicited to me that it was a mellow trip bc the guys were jet lagged and that they just went to dinners and gambled. He said he didn't go to clubs. However, he got a new phone and his old phone was lying around. Yes I peeked and saw his conversation with the guys and he was clubbing it up. Mentioned how great the club was he went to and that he was going to his favorite club the following night. SOunded so childish to me. I get it's a guys white lie, but now they are adding up. I've kept it to myself bc I don't want to be a pestering wife. But lies just hurt. It's making me feel terrible and not trust what he says. Thank you all for any encouraging words... Sounds like your H is acting like a frat. Only you know if you can deal with this or not. I can't tell you if he is cheating or not. It sounds to me more of a man that hasn't grown up and has poor boundaries. Either way it's inappropriate as he is not single, but only you can decide how you will address the situation.
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 what boundaries have you set in place??????? What are your deal breakers? have you gotten good and angry? drawn your lines in the sand? This is DISRESPECTFUL to you! have you told him so? His disrespectful behavior has hurt you deeply, yet you still seem to be tolerating, minimizing his juvenile, good 'ole boy behavior. STOP it now! How would HE feel in a mostly naked man was grinding his private parts into your face while stroking you? A lap dance. Go get one. tell him you plan to do this because he is, and since he doesn't think it is cheating, no harm, no foul, right? Go visit your out of town cousin and go clubbing. Do NOT pick up his calls....minimize your trip. Sometimes, unless it happens to THEM, some of these patriarchal macho men do not realize how threatening this can be. they see you only as the chaste wife and mother so you are NO threat. They forget you too can be a sexualized woman desired by others. I advise to give them a taste of their own medicine. When confronted, go dark and elusive and mysterious....claim it was a "quiet" weekend. watch them dissemble. you are perceived as "safe." Stop that now. get unpredictable. Shake his preconceived illusions. Retort with, well YOU DO this TOO and expect me to be okay with it,...so WHY NOT ME?
painfullyobvious Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Where there are little lies there is often trouble. There should be no lies period. My exes affair was discovered by a string of weird events and small lies.
Author blueberry13 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Interesting outlook. I hear what you are saying. Thank you for the thought provoking reply. I agree about the communication, that definitely needs improvement.
Author blueberry13 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thank you for your response. I do find his behavior disrespectful. I see many men and women have such varying opinions and varying boundaries. He just left for another trip today, and I will likely take your advice this weekend. Best wishes to you.
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