My handsome boyfriend thinks he's "kinda ugly" but is okay with it??

[GoldPenny]

I'm not talking from a girlfriend/bias point of view, but in general. Even when we were complete strangers, I thought he was very good-looking the moment I saw him, and I have very conventional taste in men too. He mentions how strange girls have flirted with him on the streets and elsewhere because he thinks it's funny as if he's clueless about how attractive he is. He says he's a confident and happy person and just doesn't let his so-called ugliness bother him. To be honest, it does somewhat bother *me* that he thinks himself as ugly even though he's a happy-go-lucky kind of guy who treats me with a lot of positive attention. I've asked if he's just being overly modest or something, and he insists that he isn't. I compliment him on his looks every now and then, but he brushes them off/deflects them because he disagrees strongly.

 

Would this bother you in the same situation?

Edited January 27, 2014 by GoldPenny

[Philosoraptor]

"I'm ok with it too". Either he is fishing for complements or has low self esteem... or he's really ugly and you have rose colored glasses on. Either way that's his issue. If he argues with you regarding physical complements then start complementing his other qualities.

 

When he eventually brings up the fact that you don't complement his looks anymore just let him know it was too much of a hassle and since he couldn't take the complement you stopped offering them.

[Haydn]

He loves it! I used to as well!

 

 

I'm not talking from a girlfriend/bias point of view, but in general. Even when we were complete strangers, I thought he was very good-looking the moment I saw him, and I have very conventional taste in men too. He mentions how strange girls have flirted with him on the streets and elsewhere because he thinks it's funny as if he's clueless about how attractive he is. He says he's a confident and happy person and just doesn't let his so-called ugliness bother him. To be honest, it does somewhat bother *me* that he thinks himself as ugly even though he's a happy-go-lucky kind of guy who treats me with a lot of positive attention. I've asked if he's just being overly modest or something, and he insists that he isn't. I compliment him on his looks every now and then, but he brushes them off/deflects them because he disagrees strongly.

 

Would this bother you in the same situation?

[soccerrprp]

Yah, i was either thinking that he has SERIOUS self-image issues or he's full of crap. He is uncomfortable with or fishing (sneaky) for compliments by pretending that he is not what you and other women see.

[Haydn]

Nah he loves it. I was always fishing. `Yeh i look terrible` When actually loving myself and loving the attention. How old are you guys? I am in my very early 30`s. It does change. Did for me.

 

Yah, i was either thinking that he has SERIOUS self-image issues or he's full of crap. He is uncomfortable with or fishing (sneaky) for compliments by pretending that he is not what you and other women see.

[Eau Claire]

My boyfriend is about 5 out of 10 on looks but a 9.8 on fitness. He carries himself with confidence. He's the sexiest guy in the world to me.

 

I have two knock out sisters and all three of us have 'ok' looking partners. After about the age of 18 or so none of us gave a hoot about a guys looks. We had all had the good looking boys. Personality and a flat stomach trump a crooked nose or wonky eye.

[d0nnivain]

Until he met me, my husband had no idea how good looking he is. (really, he's just not that good of an actor). When I saw him my heart skipped a beat or two. All my friends & my own mother told me not to go out with him because he was too good looking. Honestly when I met him I thought based on his movie star good looks alone that he was a player. He's the farthest thing from a player.

 

 

Now he at least recognizes when women are hitting on him but while we were dating & probably through at least the 1st year of our marriage he had no clue.

 

 

He still thinks he doesn't look like anything special.

 

 

Some men, like your BF, just can't see what's in the mirror.

[Eau Claire]

Until he met me, my husband had no idea how good looking he is. (really, he's just not that good of an actor). When I saw him my heart skipped a beat or two. All my friends & my own mother told me not to go out with him because he was too good looking. Honestly when I met him I thought based on his movie star good looks alone that he was a player. He's the farthest thing from a player.

 

 

Now he at least recognizes when women are hitting on him but while we were dating & probably through at least the 1st year of our marriage he had no clue.

 

 

He still thinks he doesn't look like anything special.

 

 

Some men, like your BF, just can't see what's in the mirror.

 

What men need to understand is that I bet you wouldn't love him a smidgen less if he wasn't good looking. He obviously is loyal man who is there for you.

[d0nnivain]

My initial attraction to my DH was ALL about his looks. Sorry in the beginning I can be that shallow. As the relationship grew & deepened it became more about him. I forget how gorgeous he is sometimes. It's funny 'cause I'll hear other women making comments or I'll catch him out of the corner of my eye in a crowd & think wow that guy is sexy before I realize yeah me, that guy is my DH!

[todreaminblue]

everyone is beautiful to someone,

 

everyone is distasteful to someone else,

 

beauty and ugliness is relative on where you stand,

from what perspective you find true beauty to be,

it is quite possible he finds him self to be unattractive,

because he is not attracted to how he looks......

 

doesnt mean he has low self esteem,

doesnt mean he is fishing for compliments,

he fails to find beauty when he looks in the mirror

i think actually this is quite common,

people rarely will admit to it

 

he simply doesnt see the attraction that his looks may hold for another

[gaius]

What men need to understand is that I bet you wouldn't love him a smidgen less if he wasn't good looking.

Not all women are like that. Not by a long shot.

Would this bother you in the same situation?

No, it's probably better that way. If a very in shape woman thinks she's fat she'll make way more effort than normal to stay in shape. Perhaps the same thing happens when a good looking guy thinks he's ugly. Put's in more effort on dressing well, etc etc. Plus he might turn you in for a better looking woman if he had a bigger ego about it.

[TouchedByViolet]

All my friends & my own mother told me not to go out with him because he was too good looking. Honestly when I met him I thought based on his movie star good looks

 

He knows he is physically attractive. You took the bait hook, line and sinker.

[crederer]

"I'm ok with it too". Either he is fishing for complements or has low self esteem... or he's really ugly and you have rose colored glasses on. Either way that's his issue. If he argues with you regarding physical complements then start complementing his other qualities.

 

When he eventually brings up the fact that you don't complement his looks anymore just let him know it was too much of a hassle and since he couldn't take the complement you stopped offering them.

 

raptor beat me to it...

[acrosstheuniverse]

My first serious boyfriend of four years thought he was ugly. His belief in that was sustained from during our friendship throughout our relationship and I never doubted it... he had some serious issues about the fact that he had acne, and that he was going bald at the age of 19!

 

But to me, I thought he was stunning, I never got sick of gazing at him, I thought he was bloody gorgeous. Realistically he was probably average but I could see why with the skin and hair issues he hated his appearance. I did compliment him fairly often but he could never take it, after a few years he started being able to just say 'thanks' instead of bat it off and tell me I was wrong.

 

It's very very very frustrating going out with somebody who can't take a compliment and genuinely thinks they are ugly. Does your boyfriend's belief about himself manifest itself in other ways? For example my ex didn't have mirrors in the house, wore a hat allllll of the time as he felt less exposed, was constantly looking at himself in mirrors when we DID go out (at first I joked it was vanity until I realised that actually he was just paranoid about looking awful in daylight). The day we got together he told me I wouldn't want to be with him because of something I didn't know, I was all ready for 'the big reveal' until he took his shirt off and showed me he had severe acne on his back, to which I breathed a sigh of relief because he made it sound much worse than acne and hand on heart, it never affected my attraction in the slightest.

 

If he says he's 'okay with it' then to me that would probably imply he doesn't really hate his appearance after all.

[d0nnivain]

He knows he is physically attractive. You took the bait hook, line and sinker.

 

 

It was really tasty bait.

 

 

He honestly doesn't know how good looking he is. He was shy in high school. In the marines . . . well that haircut looks good on so few people. He was always socially awkward & shy so he really didn't have a lot of positive feedback.

 

 

In the end, it doesn't really matter. I love him just the way he is & would still love him for the man that he is, even if his looks were gone tomorrow.

[GoldPenny]

"I'm ok with it too". Either he is fishing for complements or has low self esteem... or he's really ugly and you have rose colored glasses on. Either way that's his issue. If he argues with you regarding physical complements then start complementing his other qualities.

 

When he eventually brings up the fact that you don't complement his looks anymore just let him know it was too much of a hassle and since he couldn't take the complement you stopped offering them.

 

I am very good at being unbiased, and besides, even when I first laid eyes on him as a complete stranger, I thought he was just as hot, so it is definitely not "rose colored glasses" lol. Good advice though. I did notice that he's taken pictures of himself with sexy poses, so I don't know if he's just got his good and bad days of viewing his looks.

 

 

Nah he loves it. I was always fishing. `Yeh i look terrible` When actually loving myself and loving the attention. How old are you guys? I am in my very early 30`s. It does change. Did for me.

 

He's 21 and I'm 27. However, I don't think age is relevant as I've met people who would be even more self-deprecating about their looks but would fish for compliments well into their 50s and up.

 

My boyfriend is about 5 out of 10 on looks but a 9.8 on fitness. He carries himself with confidence. He's the sexiest guy in the world to me.

 

I have two knock out sisters and all three of us have 'ok' looking partners. After about the age of 18 or so none of us gave a hoot about a guys looks. We had all had the good looking boys. Personality and a flat stomach trump a crooked nose or wonky eye.

 

Physical attractiveness is a must for me and pretty much always was. I tried to just focus much more on my ex-boyfriend's great personality b/c he was about a 6 in the face and a 4 in the body, but I couldn't see him that much more than a friend with benefits no matter how much quality time we spent together. With my current boyfriend, I have a much, much stronger romantic and sexual connection than I did with my ex, as he's very physically attractive head to toe in addition to being the great person that he is.

 

Until he met me, my husband had no idea how good looking he is. (really, he's just not that good of an actor). When I saw him my heart skipped a beat or two. All my friends & my own mother told me not to go out with him because he was too good looking. Honestly when I met him I thought based on his movie star good looks alone that he was a player. He's the farthest thing from a player.

 

 

Now he at least recognizes when women are hitting on him but while we were dating & probably through at least the 1st year of our marriage he had no clue.

 

 

He still thinks he doesn't look like anything special.

 

 

Some men, like your BF, just can't see what's in the mirror.

 

My boyfriend has always recognized when women are hitting on him. He and his friends have told me stories of how easy it's been for him to get laid by women coming to him at clubs and other places back in his home country (he's an intern from Bulgaria). Even here on the streets of US, girls are really friendly with him when I'm not around. He just acts stupidly clueless as to why they do it like, "Oh, they were probably drunk as hell."

 

My initial attraction to my DH was ALL about his looks. Sorry in the beginning I can be that shallow. As the relationship grew & deepened it became more about him. I forget how gorgeous he is sometimes. It's funny 'cause I'll hear other women making comments or I'll catch him out of the corner of my eye in a crowd & think wow that guy is sexy before I realize yeah me, that guy is my DH!

 

It's just nature to be attracted to someone initially just because of their looks.

 

Not all women are like that. Not by a long shot.

 

No, it's probably better that way. If a very in shape woman thinks she's fat she'll make way more effort than normal to stay in shape. Perhaps the same thing happens when a good looking guy thinks he's ugly. Put's in more effort on dressing well, etc etc. Plus he might turn you in for a better looking woman if he had a bigger ego about it.

 

He is very much a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy and works out regularly but not obsessively. Plus, he doesn't really watch what he eats (and it's so unhealthy, just normal foods).

 

My first serious boyfriend of four years thought he was ugly. His belief in that was sustained from during our friendship throughout our relationship and I never doubted it... he had some serious issues about the fact that he had acne, and that he was going bald at the age of 19!

 

But to me, I thought he was stunning, I never got sick of gazing at him, I thought he was bloody gorgeous. Realistically he was probably average but I could see why with the skin and hair issues he hated his appearance. I did compliment him fairly often but he could never take it, after a few years he started being able to just say 'thanks' instead of bat it off and tell me I was wrong.

 

It's very very very frustrating going out with somebody who can't take a compliment and genuinely thinks they are ugly. Does your boyfriend's belief about himself manifest itself in other ways? For example my ex didn't have mirrors in the house, wore a hat allllll of the time as he felt less exposed, was constantly looking at himself in mirrors when we DID go out (at first I joked it was vanity until I realised that actually he was just paranoid about looking awful in daylight). The day we got together he told me I wouldn't want to be with him because of something I didn't know, I was all ready for 'the big reveal' until he took his shirt off and showed me he had severe acne on his back, to which I breathed a sigh of relief because he made it sound much worse than acne and hand on heart, it never affected my attraction in the slightest.

 

If he says he's 'okay with it' then to me that would probably imply he doesn't really hate his appearance after all.

 

 

Yeah, it is frustrating and also kind of a turn-off. I want to be with a person who feels good about their appearance even if they generally act confident.

 

No, he has mirrors in his house- in his bedroom and living room. He lives with 2 other guys so it's not like it would be up to him though. He doesn't seem to obsess over his looks, just checks them every now and then like a normal person. I have noticed that while he deflects my compliments for the most part, he would go "awww" when I would compliment him after going for a week or so without doing so at all. Maybe he is bluffing.

Edited January 29, 2014 by GoldPenny

[mario_C]

It's more normal for men to hate the way they look. Women are conditioned to always believe you're beautiful and hot and the best (which you are) and men are conditioned to believe we're dogs and horrible and ugly (which we...are?).