Disco Lemonade Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I have a date coming up with a person I had gone out with a few times last fall. It lasted from August to mid-November, but we didn't really go out that much. There were circumstances at that time that made it difficult for both of us. One of the biggest problems for me is that she was kind of a rebound.I started seeing her right after my ex, who I had been in love with. It was really impossible for me to have feelings at that time, even though I did see positive qualities in this new person. I kind of phased her out and had started seeing someone else, just feeling like I needed to start over fresh. I haphazardly asked her out again though, and she said yes. I have a fear that she is going to ask the obvious questions of why I stopped talking to her and why I suddenly asked her out again though. Do I tell her the full truth about the situation before, or do I try to focus on only the positive aspect of it? The positive that I see is that things are more normal in both of our lives now and there is a better chance of this actually working. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to be dishonest. What do you think?
mammasita Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I think you can find a balance between being honest while also making sure that nothing sounds rude. I don't see anything wrong with the truth though, something along the lines of: "I was in a bad place after my breakup and needed to figure some things out, but I feel like you're a great person and would like to see where things go now that my head is clear....if you're willing" 1
deathandtaxes Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Be entirely honest. Do you want this version 2.0 of you two to be based on falsehoods? If she can't handle the truth, then she's not meant for you.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Honest but tactful is your best bet. It sounds to me like you ended before had very little to do with her & everything to do with where you were in your life at that time.
Author Disco Lemonade Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Be entirely honest. Do you want this version 2.0 of you two to be based on falsehoods? If she can't handle the truth, then she's not meant for you. You are probably both right. I think it just worries me because I know that it is not something I would want to hear in reverse. Will see if she is a stronger person than I
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I would tell her that you didn't feel you could completely give yourself to a relationship at that time, and that it wouldn't have been fair to her to continue dating then. You can explain that you needed some time to re-set your life a little bit in order to feel ready to commit to make any commitments. Leave any mention of your ex/feelings out of it; simply let her know that you feel more sorted out now and would like another chance.
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