luvlost88 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 This is a long one so sorry in advance. Well, me (25) and my ex (28 ) have been together for 1 year and 8 months and we moved out together after only 3 months (too soon most likely). Things were so amazing in the beginning but in time my actions (was a jerk to him at times) caused us to break up 3 times after several warnings from him that i just ignored. the first 2 times I was able to get him to come back the next day. the last time he had enough and we left the apartment and went back with our families. the first 2 months after the breakup we still texted each other every day, saw each other once or twice a week and would still mess around, make out, hold hands and act like we were together. I was even invited on two 4 day trips to his family vacation house like we always did when we were together. everything post breakup seemed better than it did before the breakup and when I told him I missed him I would always get a "I miss you too", or "I miss you when your good" reply. He even always said when I said I want us to get back together that if I got my stuff together and showed him I can be the person he fell in love with and not the jerk I have become that I may just get another chance. than I started noticing him getting a little more distant from me all of a sudden and I would start freaking out and calling him telling him to take me back and that I have changed (I know, big mistake) he said to chill out I would only push him away doing that. I asked him why he even still talks to me and he said because he knows deep down I'm still the good person he met, he knows I can change and he still really likes me. 2 days later he calls me to tell me that he met a new girl and they were just talking the same way me and him were talking, nothing serious because he wasn't ready for anything now. also that they met up one night. I asked if he noticed I got myself back to the where I needed to be and this new girl and him were dating would I still have priorty over her, and he said of corse thats why he's kept so close to me. he also said no matter what happened he would always keep contact open with me and try to see me a few times a month. fast forward to now the last 2 weeks he completely cut off all contact with me and reads but won't reply to my texts ( I only sent 2 texts in the 2 weeks so as not to bother him) I know they been seeing each other but the thing about the girl he told me the very last time we spoke on the phone before he went NC is she too just got out of a 3 year relationship with her ex and on top of all that she still has her ex living with her. (for money issues and he got a DUI she said) she still has pomes on her Facebook about how she will always love this ex and that she will see if time will take down the wall between them, she also has tons of pictures on her Facebook of her and her ex. I still am deeply in love with my ex and would do anything in the world to have another shot with him as it was me that drove us apart in the first place. I just don't know if he is ever going to talk to me again (maybe he needs some time before he can talk to me) I just don't see his new fling working out as she seems to still be very hung up on her ex and he rushed into it with her so quickly. I am so hurt and just don't know how to move on. the worst part is knowing it was my actions that drove him away in the first place. I just wondered if anyone had any opinions or ideas of why he cut off all contact with me the past 2 weeks, if you think this new girl he is seeing is just a rebound and or she is using him to get her mind off her ex. I really don't think they are a match but who knows for sure. I'm sure he still cares for me, misses me and has love for me somewhere inside because we had so many good times and memories as well. I do think that if it didn't work out with this new girl he may start talking to me again. I just don't get the lack of communication now. We had our whole futures planed out together and even wanted to get married. Does anyone have any ideas or input? I know deep down we were meant to be.
erklat Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 How does he love you if he wants you to change or loves you 'only when you're good'? The point in loving someone is accepting their flaws. Don't contact him. You're both dumped and he has someone else. Keep your self-esteem in tow.
Author luvlost88 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for the response. I understand what your saying however I do believe this guy put up with way more than any other person in the world would have. I grew up in an verbally abusive family and have had issues my whole life which he knew. He even told me that no one else would have got as far as he has and he kind of left the door open for the future (before he met someone else) anyways I have finally gotten professional help for my issues not so much to fix this relationship but for any other relationship I start in the future. I know if I was in his shoes I would have left me way sooner than he did. his patients and love for me through everything is what made me believe we were truly made for each other.
HeartinPain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I understand your pain and guilt. It is highly possible she is a rebound, but you can't look at it like that. Some rebounds last a long time. This situation does fall into your favor because their relationship did start on rocky ground. IMO, you need to cut contact, grieve the relationship and improve yourself. He has met someone and is exploring that relationship now. He is in the honeymoon period bliss land right now playing with his shiny new person. At this point, there is very little you can say that will change his mind. The more you push, the more he will pull back. He probably stopped contact with you because you were probably emotional and he did not want to deal with it anymore. Cut contact, improve yourself and start to move on. If he does come around, he will be impressed and re-attracted to the new person you have become.
erklat Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I had a same situation with my parents. They really made me feel bad and not wanting to get up from the bed for the bigger part of the last year. Their poor choices combined with my depression and codependecy led to the demise of my past relationship as I got needy and clingy and placed her on the pedestal. I also rationalized I was lucky she endured that long. NO! Guess what? I solved most of the problems. I'm going away from my family and I got out from my depression. Was she good ? No. Life is a struggle. She bailed. She is worthless in the long run. Whatever he said about the future is only me me me for relieving his guilt. He is not that into you. Suck it up and move on. You'll make it. 1
jjc82 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I understand what your saying however I do believe this guy put up with way more than any other person in the world would have. I grew up in an verbally abusive family and have had issues my whole life which he knew. I have finally gotten professional help for my issues not so much to fix this relationship but for any other relationship I start in the future. I know if I was in his shoes I would have left me way sooner than he did. his patients and love for me through everything is what made me believe we were truly made for each other. Good to hear you say you're getting help. But don't deify because he "put up with you." Honor the fact he was a good man if you truly believe you caused him undue stress, mourn the fact you lost someone willing to be with you through your difficulties, and use the professional help to work on these issues.
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