MrTurk Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Started emailing a woman on the dating site. 2 days in I ask for her number, I call her on the 3rd day. We talk about an hour, and at the end she asks what time I get home from work the next day, and if I'd like to call her when I get home. I call her when I get home, we are on the phone about 15 mins, and she says she has to run in a store, and she'll call me back. That was about 6pm on friday, never heard from her the rest of the night, no call, no text, nothing. So 2 days later on Sunday, I send her a message on the dating site....saying, "I guess we're not talking anymore, do you just ditch guys like that all the time?" She replies 15 mins later and tells me she's sorry, she at the hospital, her sister got admitted, and she's been there all weekend. Now my question is.....if you are checking your messages on a damn dating site..... Then why in the hell can't you send a guy a text saying "sorry just had an emergency come up, I'll get back to you".....I think she is full of **** if you ask me. Edited January 27, 2014 by MrTurk
carhill Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 20 mins later she calls back, we talk about 10 mins, she apologizes and says she has to make one more stop and she'll call me back. That was about 6pm on friday, never heard from her the rest of the night, no call, no text, nothing. Tip: Forestall emotional reactions by leaving it at that next time. Nice distraction while it lasted. She has your number. You have a life. Live it.
Author MrTurk Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Tip: Forestall emotional reactions by leaving it at that next time. Nice distraction while it lasted. She has your number. You have a life. Live it. But that's the problem nowadays.....MANY women even if they are interested will wait for the guy to call again. Yes she has my number, but the chances of a woman to initiate after a situation is pretty much zero. But the aggressive guy, the guy that doesn't mind chasing, he will have much more success than the guy that doesn't. Women KNOW this. So in other words, me standing my ground, and refusing to swallow my pride severely limits my chances at getting a date. I'm screwed because I refuse to join the game. And just to play devils advocate, just because someone may be a little flaky at first on a dating site doesn't mean they can't offer me a great relationship down the road.
carhill Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Give that (aggressive/persistent) a shot and see how it goes. I did for about ten years, hence where my 'tip' came from. Good luck.
Author MrTurk Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Give that (aggressive/persistent) a shot and see how it goes. I did for about ten years, hence where my 'tip' came from. Good luck. I'll never do it....I'm just pointing out that many single women cater to it, because it allows them to put in very little effort. A guy could be put on the back burner while the woman juggles one or two prospects… And if the back burner guy stays persistent and the other prospects fall through overtime… The persistent guy wins in the end. Most guys know that they have to put up with a lot of wishy washy bull**** to get to the date/relationship stage. And the biggest problem of all this.... Is that there's way too many women that give persistent guys bonus points for not giving up. In the woman's mind, she thinks they guy must really like her, or appreciate her if he goes through all that trouble… They flip it and turn it into a romantic gesture. Whereas a guy like me that does nothing, and waits for her to call back when she says she will… I get labeled as "well he must not of really been that interested in the first place, or he was just out for one thing". From the woman's point of view… The guy that stands his ground and demands equal effort, he gets no admiration from women.
RedRobin Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 agree with the above. She didn't do what she said she would do... and that is call you back... This is a pattern that would be repeated (inconsiderate) or would fade out (disinterested). Either way, not good.
Haydn Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Is that really what online dating is like? Blimey! Better off going to a bar or club. I'll never do it....I'm just pointing out that many single women cater to it, because it allows them to put in very little effort. A guy could be put on the back burner while the woman juggles one or two prospects… And if the back burner guy stays persistent and the other prospects fall through overtime… The persistent guy wins in the end. Most guys know that they have to put up with a lot of wishy washy bull**** to get to the date/relationship stage. And the biggest problem of all this.... Is that there's way too many women that give persistent guys bonus points for not giving up. In the woman's mind, she thinks they guy must really like her, or appreciate her if he goes through all that trouble… They flip it and turn it into a romantic gesture. Whereas a guy like me that does nothing, and waits for her to call back when she says she will… I get labeled as "well he must not of really been that interested in the first place, or he was just out for one thing". From the woman's point of view… The guy that stands his ground and demands equal effort, he gets no admiration from women.
Author MrTurk Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Is that really what online dating is like? Blimey! Better off going to a bar or club. Yes....that's usually how it goes. But I guess most people just accept it as part of the process. You either play along or you get blackballed. The chances of finding another person that doesn't play is pretty much zilch.
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yes....that's usually how it goes. But I guess most people just accept it as part of the process. You either play along or you get blackballed. The chances of finding another person that doesn't play is pretty much zilch. look at this as a good thing...it narrows the field. it would only get worse if this is her nature.
MissBee Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Started emailing a woman on the dating site. 2 days in I ask for her number, I call her on the 3rd day. We talk about an hour, and at the end she asks what time I get home from work the next day, and if I'd like to call her when I get home. I call her when I get home, we are on the phone about 15 mins, and she says she has to run in a store, and she'll call me back. That was about 6pm on friday, never heard from her the rest of the night, no call, no text, nothing. So 2 days later on Sunday, I send her a message on the dating site....saying, "I guess we're not talking anymore, do you just ditch guys like that all the time?" She replies 15 mins later and tells me she's sorry, she at the hospital, her sister got admitted, and she's been there all weekend. Now my question is.....if you are checking your messages on a damn dating site..... Then why in the hell can't you send a guy a text saying "sorry just had an emergency come up, I'll get back to you".....I think she is full of **** if you ask me. I understand your frustration but your passive aggressive messages don't help. In SOME cases the person may legitimately have a reason for not responding back and you sending them a message about "So do you always ditch guys?" will only turn them off. I have seen other threads you've made with similar themes and sometimes it seems like you overreact to a situation that may not be what you think it is. Sending a message like that, what's the point of that? I mean what response would you like? Saying that to someone is only gonna make them angry/defensive or they will simply ignore you. I'm not saying she's right. I do think she was rude but I'm just saying your response to her doesn't help. IMO if a woman doesn't call you back just leave her alone and don't bother with the passive aggressive messages. Men have also done this to me, say they would call and don't, and I don't feel it's worth it to send them angry messages or passive aggressive ones, esp if we've never even met. I just chalk it up to not being that interested and leave it at that. You can't always be ready to be so upset and confrontational in the online dating game. My rule is to expect that more people will be flaky than not and you roll with it and don't waste time on it, as if you spend so much time being upset at this you will have a very horrible time. Edited January 29, 2014 by MissBee
Allumere Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 spent plenty of time in OLD....had a couple occasions I didn't respond "on-time" and got responses like that..shame because in both instances I was interested. sorry, if someone I don't know is going to get bent because life happened my thought is they don't have a life.
Author MrTurk Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I understand your frustration but your passive aggressive messages don't help. In SOME cases the person may legitimately have a reason for not responding back and you sending them a message about "So do you always ditch guys?" will only turn them off. I have seen other threads you've made with similar themes and sometimes it seems like you overreact to a situation that may not be what you think it is. Sending a message like that, what's the point of that? I mean what response would you like? Saying that to someone is only gonna make them angry/defensive or they will simply ignore you. Once I sent my "do you always ditch guys" response, I already made up my mind. I don't care how she takes it. There is absolutely NO reason she couldn't have taken 30 secs to give me a heads up and tell me she had an emergency to address. THATS why I waited 2 days to send my message. I'm not going to bitch her out after an hour, I waited on purpose because it proves she had plenty of time to respond. She either lack common courtesy or she's flat out lying....PERIOD. spent plenty of time in OLD....had a couple occasions I didn't respond "on-time" and got responses like that..shame because in both instances I was interested. sorry, if someone I don't know is going to get bent because life happened my thought is they don't have a life. You can't wiggle your way out of it, 2 days after telling someone "I'll call you right back". Her checking her dating site messages proves that the incident was not a dire emergency. If she can check her messages on a dating site, she can sure as he'll tell me she had a family matter and will get back to me later. Some women are terrible at covering their tracks....and dig themselves deeper in a hole when pressed for info.
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Started emailing a woman on the dating site. 2 days in I ask for her number, I call her on the 3rd day. We talk about an hour, and at the end she asks what time I get home from work the next day, and if I'd like to call her when I get home. I call her when I get home, we are on the phone about 15 mins, and she says she has to run in a store, and she'll call me back. That was about 6pm on friday, never heard from her the rest of the night, no call, no text, nothing. So 2 days later on Sunday, I send her a message on the dating site....saying, "I guess we're not talking anymore, do you just ditch guys like that all the time?" She replies 15 mins later and tells me she's sorry, she at the hospital, her sister got admitted, and she's been there all weekend. Now my question is.....if you are checking your messages on a damn dating site..... Then why in the hell can't you send a guy a text saying "sorry just had an emergency come up, I'll get back to you".....I think she is full of **** if you ask me. Because she is not your girlfriend nor is she committed to you. Or maybe she's just not that into you. Bolded. You assumed the worst right off the bat. Why didn't you just say, "hope everything is okay, haven't heard from you since Friday. Text me when you get a chance to, thanks." I'm sure if you had said that then maybe you wouldn't be feeling like she's avoiding you or lied to you. 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Because she is not your girlfriend nor is she committed to you. Or maybe she's just not that into you. Bolded. You assumed the worst right off the bat. Why didn't you just say, "hope everything is okay, haven't heard from you since Friday. Text me when you get a chance to, thanks." I'm sure if you had said that then maybe you wouldn't be feeling like she's avoiding you or lied to you. Would you handle the situation the way she did?
alphamale Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Now my question is.....if you are checking your messages on a damn dating site..... Then why in the hell can't you send a guy a text saying "sorry just had an emergency come up, I'll get back to you".....I think she is full of **** if you ask me. i think the same
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