halfalive Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Ugh, I'm here to vent today. The ups and downs of post-affair is difficult to deal with. The actual affair ended almost a year ago. We didn't talk for a couple of months and HE was the first to break NC. We talked for a couple of months, just by email and saw each other twice. I loved talking to him. I missed him and just a little bit of that contact drew me back in. But it was different this time...he's divorced and when he didn't respond, it ate me up inside. I would go on extreme emotional rollercoasters every single day. "Does he really miss me?" "Maybe he would want more if I was divorced." "Maybe he's just bored and that's the only reason he's talking to me again." Finally, I just realized that it has to be either all or nothing for me and I told him we couldn't talk any more. I felt SO relieved after that. I wouldn't be able to wonder where he was if I wasn't sitting by my phone waiting for a response. This is when I say ignorance is bliss. The first two weeks of NC were hard and I missed him. After those two weeks I felt FREEDOM! Sure I missed him, but I was able to push him out of my mind. I even went a week and a half recently without looking at these boards ONCE. (Which is amazing for someone who has been compulsively checking these boards nearly every hour for the past 9 months.) But over the last week or so, the feelings have crept back up. I wonder if he thinks about me. Maybe he has a girlfriend by now? Does he remember the deep connection we had? My heart hurts today. 1
Owl Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It's typical to go through that rollercoaster during NC. Some days you're feeling great and glad to be out of it...some days you feel like you'll NEVER get over it. Normally, the highs and lows of the rollercoaster tend to even out over time. It can take months, or possibly years, depending on the nature and length of the affair. The best thing to do is not to be too hard on yourself when you do get down...but don't give in to the temptation to break NC...and keep focusing on the improvements in your life. 1
wasntlooking Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Im feeling the same way. Four months no contact here, cold turkry. I ended it, didnt want to but obviously the right thing to do. I dont think he took it well, didnt say anything after i sent email to break it off. I am on such a roller coaster ride. Some days im good and others i miss him so badly and still cry. I thibk about him everyday still, some days are more intense then others. Its hard not knowing what he is thinking. I know its better this way of course but deep inside i know if we both werent married we would def be together. Both of us never wanted to leave our families. But we just knew if we met earlier we would be so happy. Argh....when is this ride going to stop.......please talk to md whenever u need support. We could both def use it.
sunburned Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 (((halfalive))) Congratulations on realizing the LC is probably worse than the NC. Happened to me too. Keep thinking I'd have two more months of NC behind me if I would have just stuck with my own decision. So now 5 mos instead of 7. Still hurts, but it gets better as time marches on (save for the occasional setback as you described). 2
Author halfalive Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Thanks, I know it's the right thing. I wish some days that he would contact me and tell me that he still cares about me, but I KNOW that would seriously screw with my head. All I know is that I just could not handle knowing if he started dating someone. I think I'd be happier if he got back with his ex-wife!
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