herself Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Gonna keep quiet today & not break nc for Birthday wishes. I dont even know if he is hoping or expecting to hear from me. He contacted me last month for mine so it feels immature or spiteful to disregard his, but I dont want to talk I guess or open old wounds. Been SO sad. 1
realfriends Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 This is a hard thing to do. I went through Thanksgiving/Hanukkah and Christmas/New Years all NC. Her birthday is in April and I think about how hard it will be to stay NC. You just have to push on. You did the right thing and it takes mental strength in order to do what you have done.
Author herself Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thank you for the support. Been wavering so I need it
sunburned Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 herself, I wish I could give you some helplful advice but it sounds like u have it under control. we went nc not long before my bday. nothing from him on my bday. I remember really wanting to wish him a happy thanksgiving but sat on my hands. same through the dec/jan holidays. just thought I'd (nicely) throw your own words at you in hopes of furthering your resolve ... so remember what happened with even that minor contact last time: After I saw his post I responded "thanks" but it reopenedf everything, and he replied he wanted time, would not like to end friendship forever, he would reach out.... I left it at that but it sent me in a tailspin of anger, deep hurt, desperate crying fits. We don't want any more of that, do we? Go do something fun with YOUR husband today!
Author herself Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Awe so right sunburned. Thanks for the reminder. After today its just to get through vday & all will be well. Was hoping to be further along but am healing. 13 years was a long go of it. Miss my friend but nc nc nc
Ginger_Belle Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Im so sorry you're sad. 22 days NC for me and today is MY birthday. Haven't heard anything from him, today or prior. I guess thats a good thing - we are both being allowed the opportunity to heal and move on. Just think how strong you've been so far. Half a day longer, and there will be one less 'significant' day to worry about this year. Don't feel bad for not texting, if there is a deep care and understanding between the two of you, than he will understand and respect why you're sticking to NC. I'm sure that deep down he knows you are thinking of him today - so really don't feel bad. It's okay to still feel sad too, at least I hope it is. I'll admit I couldn't keep it together and I cried today for the first time in a while. I thought I was done with the crying part but turns out I'm not. I guess its all just a matter of taking it one day at a time. I know eventually the pain in my heart will subside, but I also know that it won't happen overnight - especially when there are those sucky, 'makes you miss them even more days' still left to face Today sucks I know, and if you want to be sad, than be sad, but just remember how strong you've been and how far you've come. You should be proud of yourself and you will be okay. Hugs to you xx
LaylaSings Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Gonna keep quiet today & not break nc for Birthday wishes. I dont even know if he is hoping or expecting to hear from me. He contacted me last month for mine so it feels immature or spiteful to disregard his, but I dont want to talk I guess or open old wounds. Been SO sad. I want to hug you. Be proud of yourself. So much love to you.
Author herself Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 This is a hard thing to do. I went through Thanksgiving/Hanukkah and Christmas/New Years all NC. Her birthday is in April and I think about how hard it will be to stay NC. You just have to push on. You did the right thing and it takes mental strength in order to do what you have done. Im sharing my strength with you, actually drawing from your strength to heal through nc. I hope your doing ok and I am (we are) here for you. I need to read your story, how long since BU? Have you seen much progress?
Author herself Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I want to hug you. Be proud of yourself. So much love to you. This made me cry. Beautiful perfect words to read in this moment. Thank you so much!
realfriends Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Im sharing my strength with you, actually drawing from your strength to heal through nc. I hope your doing ok and I am (we are) here for you. I need to read your story, how long since BU? Have you seen much progress? Its been 3 months since the breakup and 2 months of solid NC. I can say I have progressed tenfold. The first month or so, I was nearing the end of my semester (chem major) and had a lot on my plate. I was devastated. Most of the time I was just crying. Waking up at 5 and had to cry. Couldn't eat for 2 days. Lost 10 pounds in 3 days. Had to go to a counselor repeatedly. I just was a mess, but for a good reason. I went NC, finished out my semester (with great grades luckily) and have been doing everything I can to help myself. Back on my diet, gym, went on a trip for the first time in god knows when with my friends out of state, picked up an intramural on my last semester (never really had time before) and play football all the time with friends now (4 of which are brand new). I did a volunteer event (first since I got in college) and even went out downtown for the first time and to a party (not a drinker so not really my thing). I picked up yoga as well all on top of trying to finish my last semester strong. I have consciously made an effort to pull myself out of the deepest and darkest place I have ever been and I have done it all on my own. Its hard still. I still have doubts. I still tell myself that this couldn't of really happened to me. To us. But it did, and I'm starting to except that there is nothing I can do. That nothing I do will ever fix this. The ball is out of my hand. All I can do is move on and do what is best for me. I hope that if I progress as much as I did the first two months of NC, that by 6 months, once I would pass valentines day, what would of been our 5 year, and her birthday, that hopefully I won't ever look back. I have to keep chugging along just as you and everyone else must. 1
Rollercoaster Rider Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Gonna keep quiet today & not break nc for Birthday wishes. I dont even know if he is hoping or expecting to hear from me. He contacted me last month for mine so it feels immature or spiteful to disregard his, but I dont want to talk I guess or open old wounds. Been SO sad. Good for you!! I'm on day 45 of NC. Seems like forever... I have my days off wanting cave, but remind myself it will do me no good...just harm. Keep moving forward...everyone says it gets easier..I'm hoping :-)
Author herself Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Im so sorry you're sad. 22 days NC for me and today is MY birthday. Haven't heard anything from him, today or prior. I guess thats a good thing - we are both being allowed the opportunity to heal and move on. Just think how strong you've been so far. Half a day longer, and there will be one less 'significant' day to worry about this year. Don't feel bad for not texting, if there is a deep care and understanding between the two of you, than he will understand and respect why you're sticking to NC. I'm sure that deep down he knows you are thinking of him today - so really don't feel bad. It's okay to still feel sad too, at least I hope it is. I'll admit I couldn't keep it together and I cried today for the first time in a while. I thought I was done with the crying part but turns out I'm not. I guess its all just a matter of taking it one day at a time. I know eventually the pain in my heart will subside, but I also know that it won't happen overnight - especially when there are those sucky, 'makes you miss them even more days' still left to face Today sucks I know, and if you want to be sad, than be sad, but just remember how strong you've been and how far you've come. You should be proud of yourself and you will be okay. Hugs to you xx Your story touched me deeply and I am inspired
Author herself Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Its been 3 months since the breakup and 2 months of solid NC. I can say I have progressed tenfold. The first month or so, I was nearing the end of my semester (chem major) and had a lot on my plate. I was devastated. Most of the time I was just crying. Waking up at 5 and had to cry. Couldn't eat for 2 days. Lost 10 pounds in 3 days. Had to go to a counselor repeatedly. I just was a mess, but for a good reason. I went NC, finished out my semester (with great grades luckily) and have been doing everything I can to help myself. Back on my diet, gym, went on a trip for the first time in god knows when with my friends out of state, picked up an intramural on my last semester (never really had time before) and play football all the time with friends now (4 of which are brand new). I did a volunteer event (first since I got in college) and even went out downtown for the first time and to a party (not a drinker so not really my thing). I picked up yoga as well all on top of trying to finish my last semester strong. I have consciously made an effort to pull myself out of the deepest and darkest place I have ever been and I have done it all on my own. Its hard still. I still have doubts. I still tell myself that this couldn't of really happened to me. To us. But it did, and I'm starting to except that there is nothing I can do. That nothing I do will ever fix this. The ball is out of my hand. All I can do is move on and do what is best for me. I hope that if I progress as much as I did the first two months of NC, that by 6 months, once I would pass valentines day, what would of been our 5 year, and her birthday, that hopefully I won't ever look back. I have to keep chugging along just as you and everyone else must. Wow, you are quite amazing. Tjough its taken a toll on you, you are fighting with everything you have to move forward. How amazing. Can you post the link to your story, I cant find it but love to read how it started and ended. Somehow it helps me. I keep telling myself....Im still standing. Life/love is soul crushing, cruel, unfair. My heart may be forever broken. I sobbed yesterday being forced to not acknowledge my friends birthday. I think we all miss the friendship bond the most. For me there was no physical aspect, no real sex. Either way parts of me WANT to go back and stay with him. In our hapoy friendship. I loved it there, but I know this is not good thinking. Thank you everyone for posting, the stories are amazing and inspiring. 22 days, 45 days NC. Wow. Day 21 for me, staying in NC.
realfriends Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Here you go http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/450470-girlfriend-5-years-cheated
MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I hope you remained strong and didn't contact him. I had a similar experience and didn't contact him and I know it hurt him, but he knew I was always thinking of him. This was about three months ago. We made it through the holidays and on an off-day I did contact him and then NC again, then he texted me about an hour before the new year. Back on NC here. It does get better. *hugs!*
Ginger_Belle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 herself, I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread with a rather lengthy post of my own but I feel like I can really relate to you right now and am finding strength through reading your words. Sometimes I fear that my heart may be broken forever too. I know that others may not view the love/friendship in an A as ‘real’ but it was real to me so I am right there with you: I miss him. I miss my friend. Although we had a physical side to our relationship it came secondary to the emotional. First and foremost we were friends, and it is that friendship that I’m grieving for the most. I miss not being able to talk to him all day, every day, about everything and anything. And I know its still early days but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t consider breaking NC. Every day there is always a part of me thinking: “I just want him back. Even if I know its wrong, even if I know he will never leave his family, even if I know I will always come second – I just want my bestfriend back.” Thankfully though I haven’t caved yet, and as hard as it is I hope I never do break NC. This is because I know that to continue on with any kind of relationship would be wrong and cause more harm than good – for everyone involved. And as much as I’d love to have him back in my life it just isn’t worth it because at least this way, its my heart that’s broken and not his kid’s and at least this way, its me missing him and not his kid’s missing their dad. I know that doesn’t make up for all the wrong I’ve done in the past but knowing that I’m doing the right thing (now) is the main thing keeping me from breaking NC. Reading and talking on here helps too. Sometimes when you’re at breaking point, it really does help to know that you are not alone. To know that when life gets a little bit too tough, there are wonderful people out there who not only listen and understand, but who actively set out to help, encourage and inspire those that need it most. So I would also like to share in the thanks and express my gratitude to the LS community too. That goes for you too herself. I hope you realize that you are an inspiration too. After a 13-year relationship I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, but your commitment to NC is truly commendable and you have my utmost respect. I wish you nothing but continued strength and I truly hope you find the happiness you so deserve xx
Author herself Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 herself, I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread with a rather lengthy post of my own but I feel like I can really relate to you right now and am finding strength through reading your words. Sometimes I fear that my heart may be broken forever too. I know that others may not view the love/friendship in an A as ‘real’ but it was real to me so I am right there with you: I miss him. I miss my friend. Although we had a physical side to our relationship it came secondary to the emotional. First and foremost we were friends, and it is that friendship that I’m grieving for the most. I miss not being able to talk to him all day, every day, about everything and anything. And I know its still early days but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t consider breaking NC. Every day there is always a part of me thinking: “I just want him back. Even if I know its wrong, even if I know he will never leave his family, even if I know I will always come second – I just want my bestfriend back.” Thankfully though I haven’t caved yet, and as hard as it is I hope I never do break NC. This is because I know that to continue on with any kind of relationship would be wrong and cause more harm than good – for everyone involved. And as much as I’d love to have him back in my life it just isn’t worth it because at least this way, its my heart that’s broken and not his kid’s and at least this way, its me missing him and not his kid’s missing their dad. I know that doesn’t make up for all the wrong I’ve done in the past but knowing that I’m doing the right thing (now) is the main thing keeping me from breaking NC. Reading and talking on here helps too. Sometimes when you’re at breaking point, it really does help to know that you are not alone. To know that when life gets a little bit too tough, there are wonderful people out there who not only listen and understand, but who actively set out to help, encourage and inspire those that need it most. So I would also like to share in the thanks and express my gratitude to the LS community too. That goes for you too herself. I hope you realize that you are an inspiration too. After a 13-year relationship I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, but your commitment to NC is truly commendable and you have my utmost respect. I wish you nothing but continued strength and I truly hope you find the happiness you so deserve xx Ginger I am so glad you wrote, its like your speaking right from my mind every word and I can relate so well to wanting to start up again, the physical anguish of missing...I think I will just never stop loving and missing what was. I am so proud of you for being so strong and happy belated birthday by the way. You hold your head high and I am rooting for you all the way. I hope there comes a day when we can feel true peace and healing. Until then, you get no judgement here xx
Author herself Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I hope you remained strong and didn't contact him. I had a similar experience and didn't contact him and I know it hurt him, but he knew I was always thinking of him. This was about three months ago. We made it through the holidays and on an off-day I did contact him and then NC again, then he texted me about an hour before the new year. Back on NC here. It does get better. *hugs!* I didnt contact at all and it was hard, but I knew it would set me back and boost his ego. I am proud of u for the NC I know its hard, did he reply when u wrote him?
Ginger_Belle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Ginger I am so glad you wrote, its like your speaking right from my mind every word and I can relate so well to wanting to start up again, the physical anguish of missing...I think I will just never stop loving and missing what was. I am so proud of you for being so strong and happy belated birthday by the way. You hold your head high and I am rooting for you all the way. I hope there comes a day when we can feel true peace and healing. Until then, you get no judgement here xx Ah thank you very much for the support and encouragement (and birthday wishes). The feeling is definitely mutual, so hold your head high and keep on, keeping on too. We can do this! xx
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