hea Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 We were together for two years and we were great, no arguments, laughed a LOT, had the same lifestyle and goals etc. but he split up with me and left me for someone else (then blamed it on the fact he was scared of commitment - I was talking about saving for a house - he was only 21). A year later left her for me (declaring it was a big mistake and he could not move on from me). 10 months later he split with me again this time because he said he no longer fancies me but still loves me yadda yadda. That's the gist of it. Although I actually don't think him no longer fancying me is the reason. I think he is thinking that he's missing out on stuff not being single (hes never had the single lad lifestyle and even told me that the first time he split up with me). We were good together and he agrees, doesn't understand why we don't work, misses me etc. Anyway I really really want to get him out of my head. I cant stop thinking that he's going to come back. Its been just over four months and id heard from him once every week since we split, up until three weeks ago. Now I don't hear from him at all! which is better in a way, but makes me think he has now lost all feelings for me and has moved on (I told him I had been on a date and since then hes been off with me). I want to get him out of my head, any idea on how I stop thinking about him? I don't go on fb so that's not an issue and I avoid all conversations about him, I never see him because he lives in a different town. I am constantly thinking about him and what I would do if he came back. He wont come back as these things don't happen. A normal relationship, you date someone, you break up, you date someone else. But for some reason I cant seem to move on. I want to meet someone new and as soon as I have that feeling again im sure I will be OK but that could take years. What do I do until then? I hang out with friends, started new hobbies, going on trips to places. What else can I do to get him off my mind?
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 he split with me again this time because he said he no longer fancies me but still loves me yadda yadda. This line is straight out of the cheaters' handbook. And given his past, I would bet my bottom dollar that he was cheating again. (hes never had the single lad lifestyle and even told me that the first time he split up with me) That's rubbish. The "single lad" lifestyle generally involves trying to get laid as much as possible. But when you've got easy access to sex (LTR) why would you want to have to work to get it (picking up chicks)? It doesn't make sense. Now I don't hear from him at all! which is better in a way, but makes me think he has now lost all feelings for me and has moved on Good! Yes he lost all feelings for you when he was sleeping with someone else behind your back. It's better for you not to be in contact with him. Don't text, email, call, facebook, or have any other contact with him whatsoever. If he contacts you, ignore/delete it. With NC, your feelings will fade. Don't date anyone new until you're over him. It's not fair on the new guy.
Author hea Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 he is a pig, but how do I get him out of my head?!?! I do love him but I know I deserve better, without being a right big head I am too good for him. He might have split up with me but I am NOT the one who lost something good.
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 ^ Right Now you do NC. You keep yourself busy, you get new hobbies, make new friends, go on fun holidays, have new experiences. Learn to skydive, merengue dance, speak Portuguese or play the didgeridoo. Do things to make you happy: get fit, lose some weight, buy sexy new clothes. Whatever you fancy. You have nobody to answer to but yourself.
LadyM Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time, but the truth is, at least for me, it's impossible to get them out of your head. The only thing that helps is for time to pass and you'll find yourself not thinking about him every single minute. The only other thing that helps some is having distractions in your life. I'm always so grateful for anything that comes along that distracts me from thoughts of him. It seems the more piggish they are, the harder it is to stop thinking about them.
Author hea Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 NC is pretty easy for me, I don't have the urge to text him because there is no chance I am letting him think I am pining over him (when I am really), but he doesn't need to know that! HA! keeping my self respect thank you! As long as I know it is normal to constantly think about him, and wonder how he is, wonder how he feels and all that I hope I will snap out of it soon. I want to date other guys but its just meeting them that's the problem, I have to feel that instant connection and its so hard to find! That's probably why im clinging on to the hope he will come back. I can count on one hand the amount of people I know (including friends) that I instantly get on with. Its so hard to find. Even though I have other friends, its particular friends that's effortless, and that's what I had with him.
jphcbpa Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 NC is pretty easy for me, I don't have the urge to text him because there is no chance I am letting him think I am pining over him (when I am really), but he doesn't need to know that! HA! keeping my self respect thank you! As long as I know it is normal to constantly think about him, and wonder how he is, wonder how he feels and all that I hope I will snap out of it soon. I want to date other guys but its just meeting them that's the problem, I have to feel that instant connection and its so hard to find! That's probably why im clinging on to the hope he will come back. I can count on one hand the amount of people I know (including friends) that I instantly get on with. Its so hard to find. Even though I have other friends, its particular friends that's effortless, and that's what I had with him. reframe this in your mind. yes, it is hard to find, but that is a good thing. when you have it you can appreciate it. it also narrows down the field. keep moving. it is on the way, just a matter of time. keep building you
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Yep it's totally normal. It fades with time and keeping yourself busy helps a lot. Again, don't date others until you're over him. Seriously. Just don't do it. How would you feel if a guy were dating you, just to get over his ex?
Author hea Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 no I wont be dating until im ready. Its just he's the only guy I've ever had a relationship with (and im 25!!!). I don't know if I will ever meet anyone I will care for again like that. You see, people go from one relationship to the next, and I seem to be stuck on this one. Ive been on plenty of dates (both before and after my ex) with guys, all quite nice but ive never felt id want to take it further, and it scares me to think I wont meet anyone. there must be something wrong with me! I must be far too fussy. doesn't help my two best friends are both engaged and living with their childhood sweethearts, these being their first loves (meeting at the age of 14/15). Why doesn't this happen to me! Typical. They have everything I want. Sorry, what was supposed to be me asking for advice has turned into self pittying! I suppose forums like this are a way to vent frustrations to people who don't know you and wont be bias!
ponchsox Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 1. Keep you mind occupied by staying busy. 2. Time, time, time You cannot magically remove someone from your head. 2
jjc82 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Its just he's the only guy I've ever had a relationship with (and im 25!!!). I don't know if I will ever meet anyone I will care for again like that. Read that aloud to yourself. Read it again. Now imagine going for a drink with a new co-worker and having him/her say the same thing. Do you really think at 25 you've met every possible candidate for your next relationship? there must be something wrong with me! I must be far too fussy. There's nothing wrong with you other than you believe something is wrong with you. If you feel you're fussy, take honest to God stock of how you view potential mates. There's nothing wrong with wanting the best possible person to spend your time with, but are you rejecting someone because maybe they have too much ear hair?
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Do new things , meet new people do something you have always wanted to do........go no contact...try to limit things that remind you of him till your feelings are under control...........go easy on yourself.........you wont forget....but you can move on........good luck ....deb
Author hea Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 There's nothing wrong with you other than you believe something is wrong with you. If you feel you're fussy, take honest to God stock of how you view potential mates. There's nothing wrong with wanting the best possible person to spend your time with, but are you rejecting someone because maybe they have too much ear hair? no I'm not that fussy! HA! its just, I date and I never like anyone I date. where I see people going from one relationship to the next easily, it takes me ages to find someone who I actually like. For example I went on a date a few weeks back and on paper he would have been perfect, everything I could want in a guy, but there was just no chemistry. I didn't want hold his hand, kiss him etc, but he was everything I could of asked for, in terms of who he was.
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