soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hey, folks! Rare thread starter for me, but a very good female friend has mixed feelings about something that hasn't happened, but she feels will. She's been broken-up with an ex for over 6-months. She's in a new relationship and really want things to work out with the new guy and trying to move on. But, the ex is likely to send her flowers, candy, etc. for Valentines. She wants to know how to handle this. She hasn't mentioned this to new bf simply b/c it hasn't happened yet, but her ex has recently hinted that he would send something. She's told ex not to do it, but ultimately she has no control she feels. Should she return (not practical) the gifts? Dump them when she receives them? Or simply keep them and inform her new bf and make a decision from there. I seriously shy away from the last option, but just want a few opinions. Have any of you guys or gals experienced something like this? Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 If you still associate any feelings with them, ditch them. Personally I donated all the items that I could, and burned the rest. Funny story, caught my chimney on fire. Flames shooting out of the chimney. Fire was out long before the fire department made it so all was well. Fireman was impressed that I made a fire hot enough to explode fireproof glass, gave me a high 5. Fun times. 3
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I tend to keep gifts, I think. I have some jewellery my exes bought me, some of it I wear and some I don't. From the not-too-painful-breakup I still wear the jewellery he gave me because I have no bad memories of him and I love the necklace, I literally don't even think of him when I wear it. From the very painful breakup I still have the jewellery but I don't wear it... for example cheap tacky earrings of the Eiffel tower he bought me when he took me to Paris, and a really nice necklace he bought me for my birthday one year. I can't wear those items without pain but it wouldn't feel right to wear them because of the awful associations. So they just live in a shoebox along with lots of other sentimental stuff from my past, such as my late mother's watch, old love letters. I don't want to get rid because they are a part of my history and I can't imagine wiping it all away, even though I have no feelings for him any more. There are things in there from friends (special letters, photos), dead family, and old partners. He bought me a locket necklace once and put a photo of my late mother in there, a year after she died. I still wear that and don't even think about him, it relates to her for me. However... this is all stuff from my history. I don't really even ever go through the box I just know it's there. If an ex started sending me stuff while I had a new partner I would be majorly weirded out. I'd tell the new partner it had happened and explain my confusion/annoyance over it so that they didn't feel it was being hidden from them, and then bin the gifts. I wouldn't return them or acknowledge them because that's giving the sender the reaction they want. I would simply let the items evaporate into the ether like they never happened.
gaius Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 She should tell him anything he sends is going in the trash since she's dating someone new. And then throw it in the trash if he sends it. All this hesitation and feeling she has no control in the matter when she certainly does makes me think she enjoys getting a gift from him on some level.
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Look at it from the new BF's point of view. What would he want her to do? I guess it depends what he's like and how long they've been together. If it were me... Flowers, dump them. Card, bin it. Chocolates, bin the card and share them with me. Lingerie, return it (or if not practical, bin it).
somedude81 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hey, folks! Rare thread starter for me, but a very good female friend has mixed feelings about something that hasn't happened, but she feels will. She's been broken-up with an ex for over 6-months. She's in a new relationship and really want things to work out with the new guy and trying to move on. But, the ex is likely to send her flowers, candy, etc. for Valentines. She wants to know how to handle this. She hasn't mentioned this to new bf simply b/c it hasn't happened yet, but her ex has recently hinted that he would send something. She's told ex not to do it, but ultimately she has no control she feels. Should she return (not practical) the gifts? Dump them when she receives them? Or simply keep them and inform her new bf and make a decision from there. I seriously shy away from the last option, but just want a few opinions. Have any of you guys or gals experienced something like this? Thanks. You're actually asking two questions. 1) Keep the old gifts if one can handle it. If not, toss them. 2) Any new gifts received after the breakup, should be tossed. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Depends on the old gifts I still have some jewelry & furniture from other guys. The trinkets are long gone. New gifts get dumped or returned immediately. It's a little creepy that the EX is still sending her stuff 6 months later when she has a new BF. Has she point blank told the EX there is a new guy & he should stop? It would be an appropriate thing to do. 3
Haydn Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 My ex gave back the book, `Spanish made easy` However she kept the Aston Vanquish and the earrings from Tiffanys. Plus an assortment of hilariously themed knickers i once gave in a moment of comic timing.
Emilia Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I've kept gifts from exes, however these were given during our relationship. It's completely inappropriate for him to send anything now that she is with someone else. She should send it all back or chuck it. 2
Silly_Girl Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Ignore the ex and donate all gifts - immediately - to a worthy recipient, maybe even work colleagues if need be. But get rid and if a dumb ex wants to waste his money, that's his lookout. 1
Author soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks. Just to clarify for some, this is an anticipated/pending gift or gifts from someone she's already broken-up with. 6-months ago. The ex is not over her and really don't know what he's thinking or hoping for by doing this. My friend is clearly over him and makes no attempt to contact him unless she has to (they have some financial obligations that he helped create while they were together). The new guy knows about him. I've met him and he's asked me about him. I try to stay out of it and have confidence that she's telling him what he needs and should know. I think she's leaning towards chucking whatever she gets. I may suggest that she give the flowers/gift(s) to one of numerous homeless people found in the city. Thanks.
Elias33 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I would keep a sweater or any other regular gift. The fact is that you got it during happier times with that person. But none of the symbolic things, no jewelry or cards/letters. One needs to move on.
Silly_Girl Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I would keep a sweater or any other regular gift. The fact is that you got it during happier times with that person. But none of the symbolic things, no jewelry or cards/letters. One needs to move on. Per above... It's gifts POST-breakup, not during happier times. So actually a bit creepy.
FitChick Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I keep everything because I like it. Sometimes I forget they were given as gifts because I've had them so long. If an ex gave me something after the fact I'd still keep it. Anyone I dated knows I can't be bought and it wouldn't make me want to rekindle a dead relationship. If it's valuable sell it on eBay or Craigslist.
Author soccerrprp Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks all. I think she's feeling better about all of this.
MissBee Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 (edited) Hey, folks! Rare thread starter for me, but a very good female friend has mixed feelings about something that hasn't happened, but she feels will. She's been broken-up with an ex for over 6-months. She's in a new relationship and really want things to work out with the new guy and trying to move on. But, the ex is likely to send her flowers, candy, etc. for Valentines. She wants to know how to handle this. She hasn't mentioned this to new bf simply b/c it hasn't happened yet, but her ex has recently hinted that he would send something. She's told ex not to do it, but ultimately she has no control she feels. Should she return (not practical) the gifts? Dump them when she receives them? Or simply keep them and inform her new bf and make a decision from there. I seriously shy away from the last option, but just want a few opinions. Have any of you guys or gals experienced something like this? Thanks. I would simply tell my new bf that my ex might send me an unwanted gift for Valentine's Day and that I don't want it and I'm giving him a heads up about it. If he doesn't send it then whatever, and if he does, my new bf would have been pre-warned and won't be surprised or suspicious of me/my motives. I would then re-gift my ex's gift to a friend and would let my new bf know that's what I'm doing. Edited January 28, 2014 by MissBee
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