Swan89 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I was with my ex for 2.5 years and she left me 8 months ago due to trust issues ( I drunkenly cheated because the arguing made me unhappy). When we got together, I was immature. But 3 years on, I've become a thoughtful and caring person. We had a turbulent relationship and had the worst arguments you could imagine. It was like a roller coaster. The good times were phenomenal and magical and the bad times were just pure hell. To summarise her, she was a drama queen and highly emotional and critical of me. She nagged me to death. But she's also a larger than life personality and has a great sense of humour and passion. We had lots in common. 2 months ago, I met another girl who is really gorgeous, slimmer and 5 years younger than me (I'm 24). She worships me and she is very laid back and submissive, the opposite to my ex (who is also 24) She adores me, the sex is the best I've had and we get on but the problem is that the chemistry is not as strong as it is between my ex and I, she lacks in character compared to her. My ex was the love of my life and we shared adventures together, the happiest times of my life. If I leave my girlfriend to try again with my ex, I will break her heart and I risk losing a great girlfriend and suffering the same old problems all over again with my ex. I think about her all day, everyday since I've been in a new relationship, and its really driving me mad. I can't get the memories out of my head and I crave the magic we had. I was in work the other day and I had to fight back the tears because I was remembering her laugh and smile. I know she still loves me and wants to try again but I'm so scared it'll be a mistake to try again. At the same time, I worry that not giving it another chance will be a mistake too. I appreciate my new girlfriend, even though she has low self esteem and can be a bit nagative, she is a lovely person and I could see her being a long term partner because we're compatible. It's so hard to move on and forget about my ex, I feel really stuck on her. I feel sorry for her and she wants a chance to show that she's changed since the breakup.What should I do? Is it worth the gamble?
FortunateSon Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It doesn't sound like you are completely over your ex to begin with. If you got back together with her, what would prevent the same issues you had with her before from happening again? 1
mammasita Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Your new "relationship" sounds like a complete rebound. From what you say, I don't think you were ready to jump into something new. You weren't completely healed from your breakup and unfortunatley what you're doing and have been doing is completely unfair to the girl you're with now. My thought is that you should be with neither one of these women..... 5
jphcbpa Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 do you really miss your ex or is it the push pull intensity that you crave? that portion does not seem to be present with the new woman.
Author Swan89 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Yes, I genuinely miss my ex and the fun we had together. She said to me that she'd tell me more often how special she thought I was, and that she'd have nothing but respect for me because she knows how much life sucks without me. The sad thing, is that I know I'm pretty much guaranteed a stable relationship with my new girlfriend, but she has me at my best, when my girlfriend stuck with me through my worst when I was selfish. This is the saddest thing I've ever been through, Its all new to me. She was the girl I was going to marry. Edited January 27, 2014 by Swan89
xUnknown Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Yes, I genuinely miss my ex and the fun we had together. She said to me that she'd tell me more often how special she thought I was, and that she'd have nothing but respect for me because she knows how much life sucks without me. The sad thing, is that I know I'm pretty much guaranteed a stable relationship with my new girlfriend, but she has me at my best, when my girlfriend stuck with me through my worst when I was selfish. This is the saddest thing I've ever been through, Its all new to me. She was the girl I was going to marry. Nothing in this life is guaranteed... You need to do some soul searching man. I agree, it sounds like your current gf could have been a rebound. Who do you really see yourself with in the future? If you don't know...then you need to be alone for a while, to figure out what you really want. Edited January 27, 2014 by xUnknown
jphcbpa Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Nothing in this life is guaranteed... You need to do some soul searching man. I agree, it sounds like your current gf could have been a rebound. Who do you really see yourself with in the future? If you don't know...then you need to be alone for a while, to figure out what you really want. good stuff here. I would suggest writing a list of your "ideal woman" . be specific and detailed as you want. get crazy. pretend a genie is going to grant you this wish. whatever you want in a woman, mentally/physically/emotionally ect. spend a good amount of time on this list. write for a while, take break for hours or a day and if something else comes up, write that down. it might take you a few weeks to compile this list. take your time. afterwards, compare you ex and current woman with this list and ask yourself if you are settling with either on of them. then you need to become that list in order to attract it.
Author Swan89 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I feel as though fate will ultimately prevail and my emotions will draw me to trying again with her. I know I'd be sacrificing a great woman but love makes you do crazy things.
erklat Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I don't know if you should be with x, but you definitely shouldn't be with the new woman. 3
MissTrudy Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 do this new girl a favor and end things. you are not ready to be in a relationship and it is selfish to drag innocent people into your drama.
FortunateSon Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Would your ex even entertain the thought of reconciling? You may want to consider sparing the new girl the heartache and cut her loose now, it doesn't sound like your heart is in it with her. My ex sounds very similar to yours(great personality and sense of humor, but a drama queen constantly criticizing and nagging etc), even though it has been hard to let go of, she is the not right person for me. This may be a question to ask yourself; is it really a healthy relationship at the end of day with all of the issues your mentioned?
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I agree with the other posters. You're not ready for a relationship, next time wait until you find someone better than your ex who you fully appreciate 1000x more.
pickflicker Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I feel as though fate will ultimately prevail and my emotions will draw me to trying again with her. I know I'd be sacrificing a great woman but love makes you do crazy things. That is such a silly attitude. You have complete control over your emotions. You're just addicted to the drama. Like mammasita said, you shouldn't be dating either of them.
lop98 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Face it, most women your age are going to be overly critical. Why? I'll leave you this: I drunkenly cheated .. slimmer and 5 years younger than me worships me is very laid back and submissiveSounds like you're really up there when it comes to founding a solid and adult relationship. You'll continue to be more popular among younger girls because you don't sound a day over 17. 24 year-olds are bound to be a bit of a nag on that... so consider that if you plan to get back with your ex. It's going to be more of the same, and fun times at the fair may not happen everyday. Do expect said teenagers to move on or start nagging and picking out flaws once they reach 20-21. It's just nature. 1
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