Shosh Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 How do you act in a situation where you have made it clear to someone that you really like them and they only give you a vague response. By that I mean no clear 'yes' or 'no'. For the purpose of this question assume that you really like this person so walking away will make you miss them but hanging around and seeing them date someone else would hurt as well. Do you hang around and try to win them over or do you walk away in order to save yourself the pain of being rejected?
todreaminblue Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 love is always given never won, from the dawn to the setting sun, love.....thy will be done not your will so walk away your greater love exists in another journey , another day.......... best wishes.....deb 3
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 If they don't give you a clear response then it is a "no". If it were a yes then they would have given a clear response. 3
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Meh, it's a tough one. Everybody is different. I mean, I got badly hurt during my last two breakups, and now I feel very wary of showing or telling anybody I really like them. I've been on four dates with this new guy who I really like a lot, but I'm trying hard to protect myself. He told me he liked me, I told him I liked him too. But when he says about how he's hoping we get to know each other even better and says stuff like 'we can make it work' about our opposing schedules and all of that, I find it really hard to respond. He said something last night, I can't remember what, that sort of implied he thought we might be going somewhere and asked me if I agreed and I just froze and said 'maybe... I really like what I know about you already' yet hopefully my actions show I'm into him. I'm not trying to play hard to get, I'm showing as much interest as him, love hanging out, have a great time, all my attention is on him when we're together and I eagerly accept his invite to meet up again and text the same amount as him. But somehow my head is screaming 'you've only met the guy four times, don't give too much of yourself away'. So I don't know. That's my issue, I think over time it gets better. I mean, I am sure he's in no doubt that I'm into him but I can't seem to stop myself holding back a little. In your situation does this person ACT as though they like you? Are they interested in you and your day, your past, your interests, do they act like they can't wait to see you and can you feel the spark between you both? Personally if I haven't really liked somebody I just stop seeing them and am straight with them about wanting to stay friends but maybe some people are vague because they like to keep the attention tap flowing, who knows. Sorry, I doubt that was at all helpful! Just trying to give an alternative response. 1
janedoe67 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 If someone is into you, they will not be vague about showing it. If they are so passive or insecure or blase that they cannot step up and be clear, they probably aren't going to be a good partner. If you have to "pull teeth" to get the initial interest, you will have to pull teeth the whole relationship. Sorry, I'm not a dentist
carhill Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Do you hang around and try to win them over or do you walk away in order to save yourself the pain of being rejected? Any answer other than an enthusiastic 'yes' is a no and, if 'yes', then I verify their relationship status. Got burned on that one enough to be cautious. Typically what happens is they're testing the waters or monkey branching. Overall, I've found the personality types who do that to be far less measured in their 'yeses' and women who are demonstrably unattached to be more cautious and circumspect. Tough row to hoe sometimes. Any EOI (expression of interest) is technically a rejection if not reciprocated, whether that manifests as a direct 'no' or by inaction/excuse revelation of attachment. Part of life. I take the rejection, process the EOI out and move on.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 If the other person is that vague they may be socially inept. If you think that's the case, I'd lay it out there one more time. Hey, I thought I made it pretty clear that I like you. I'd love to take you to the movies (or whatever) on Friday but if you don't feel the same way that's OK. Just let me know so I can stop bugging you. If they accept the date, you're golden. If they do anything else, never speak of it again & move on. 1
carhill Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Two favorite heard retorts: 'Do I have to spell it out for you?' 'Are you that dense?' Tough crowd.
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 How do you act in a situation where you have made it clear to someone that you really like them and they only give you a vague response. By that I mean no clear 'yes' or 'no'. For the purpose of this question assume that you really like this person so walking away will make you miss them but hanging around and seeing them date someone else would hurt as well. Do you hang around and try to win them over or do you walk away in order to save yourself the pain of being rejected? Vagueness implies lack of confidence and commitment (in and to YOU). You don't want someone like that. You'll likely get hurt pursuing.
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If they don't give you a clear response then it is a "no". If it were a yes then they would have given a clear response. ideally yes but people play games all the time. You can usually tell by their body language if they're into you or not. I dunno for me it's painfully obvious.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 ideally yes but people play games all the time. You can usually tell by their body language if they're into you or not. I dunno for me it's painfully obvious. I've always been able to tell, too. Generally based on instinct of how they treat me when we're together, and how much effort they put into wanting to see me, contact me between hangouts. It's generally those things which are the clue in the absence of an outright verbal clarification (I'm talking the first few weeks here, if after that time they can't be open about liking you they're probably just stringing you along). It got put into perspective for me recently when I was dating this guy who on paper was great, but he moved so fast and so heavy and I just wasn't ready for it, it killed the spark completely for me. I liked him a lot at first but by the third or fourth meeting I had this gut feeling I was having to try and force it and he could feel it too. The way he put it was that when he has had girlfriends in the past, when they were around each other in the early stages 'he was their world' i.e. they were focused on him, wanting to be around him, touch him, doing stuff to make sure they got to see him. Compared to when we were together towards the end of our dating, where I could just as happily be sat on my laptop at the other end of the room as he slept rather than be pressed up against him holding him. It was sad but we both realised quickly that I wasn't into him enough. But until he said that I barely realised it myself, then I thought yeah you're right, whenever I've been crazy about someone it's been a struggle to keep my hands off them and I crave kissing them every minute of the day, if you don't feel that at an early stage I don't think you've much chance of sustaining any kind of commitment when it gets tougher. 100% of the time if I've thought a guy is or isn't into me, I've been right. But men are typically the pursuers, rightly or wrongly, maybe it's a lot harder to tell if a woman is into you, especially if she's ever been hurt or is holding back for another reason.
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