ElecTriX Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry for venting but I just need to write all the **** out before I'm exploding or something.. Today it is 7 weeks since BU and an extreme amount of things have happened during these weeks. Before anybody starts yelling "NC!" I need to inform that me and my ex have a child together and we both own the house that I live in (until it is sold) so "NC" doesn't really work. But anyways. Right after the BU (and still going strong) she get's extremely agitated and angry with me as soon as she doesn't get what she wants or if she doesn't get the right answer (that she wants) when it comes to things. She never showed any of these signs while we were in the RS and I assume that she get's upset and angry just because she doesn't give a **** about what I want or feel, it's all about her. The problem right now is that I can't do anything without her getting angry at me and yes, in some weird way I don't want to fight with her. I haven't raised my voice once after the BU, just been calm and talking. For example, last wednesday she wanted me to sign some papers regarding our son. I red them and it was that our son will be moving with her to her new apartment (it's not custody but he's address will be at her new place). I told her that I can't do it because it feels like I'm "writing my son away" (a feeling) but she insisted that it won't affect anything and that if I sign them she will get about $250 more per month in support. Why does she think that would make me change my mind? I told her I needed to think about it so I did 'til yesterday when she came to drop off our son. We were both happy and in a good mood, we talked a little about our son, about what things she will take next saturday when she moves out and so on. Nothing bad or emotional, just talk. Then when she saw the papers she got irritated "Well have you signed the papers yet?! Are you going to sign them or what?". I told her that I can't because it feels like I am "writing my son away from me" and that it would feel wrong to do. She just took everything and left, slamming the door shut and walking to the car. Not even saying goodbye to our son that started crying. She dumped me, she behaves like psychopath but it is me that have done everything wrong and everything is my fault. Of course... *sigh* After an hour I received a text; "Really funny that you make me get even less money every month now. Good job!" Such a ****ty behavior against both me and to my son. If it feels wrong to sign those papers then why the **** should I do it? To be kind to her? Once she asked me "Why do you behave like an ******* against me, I don't understand what the **** I've done you to deserve it!"..? I try not to care about her behavior but I always get a guilty conscience because I don't want to fight. How to just let this go, just laugh at her behavior (when she has left) or just feel sorry for her? How can I cope with my ex behaving like an idiot and a bad mother to our child? Because I don't care if she comes back or not, I just want to let things go and move on. Edited January 27, 2014 by ElecTriX
Author ElecTriX Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 No reply? Maybe the thread would be better under "Separation/Divorce" ?
flightplan Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I went through a divorce a few years back and my ex was an immature psycho. The only way to deal with it until the final papers is to make her your new best friend. I remember multiple times counting to ten and sucking it up because I wanted favorable terms. She would scream and walk out of talks, etc, just like yours but I bit my lip and talked calmly to her to calm her down all the while "guiding her" to a reasonable decision. You have to figure out whats important to them and play it to your advantage. In the end, I walked away with minimum damage, no child support to pay and peace of mind. When the final papers were signed... she was no longer my new best friend. She was out on her ass to fend for herself.
Author ElecTriX Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I went through a divorce a few years back and my ex was an immature psycho. The only way to deal with it until the final papers is to make her your new best friend. I remember multiple times counting to ten and sucking it up because I wanted favorable terms. She would scream and walk out of talks, etc, just like yours but I bit my lip and talked calmly to her to calm her down all the while "guiding her" to a reasonable decision. You have to figure out whats important to them and play it to your advantage. In the end, I walked away with minimum damage, no child support to pay and peace of mind. When the final papers were signed... she was no longer my new best friend. She was out on her ass to fend for herself. Sounds alot like my situation. I try to be as calm and nice to her as possible but its impossible for me to in any way keep her from getting angry.. We talked about a frying pan that she wanted the other day, I just asked "Why the frying pan?" and oh man.. Worst question ever. She got angry just from my question and said "Yeah because why would I deserve it!?".. I dont have the strength to take anymore **** from her but at the same time dont want to fight.. My twisted life. I talked to her over the phone a couple of minutes ago and today its like her ****ty behavior yesterday never happened? Am I going crazy or what the hell is wrong with her?!
flightplan Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 In mine case, I didn't give a rats ass about the material things. She wanted the dining room set... go ahead, take it. You want the pots and pans... they're yours. In the end, it felt like she had some "wins" in her column. If that's what made her feel like she won, I was all for it. I just kept my eyes on the bigger picture and it paid off. If your ex wants the frying pan... no questions, just nod yes. She wants the friggin' lawn chairs... they're hers. Agree to everything she wants that isn't a big effin' deal and it'll make her feel "special". Let her win the small little battles... you want to win the war. 2
HappyButBroken Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's been a while since we heard from you, ElecTriX. How are you doing? Are you handling the break up well? I read all your stories, they help me getting through my current break up.
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