songbyrd Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Ok well, for those of you who haven't read my other posts, since I've gone NC 3 weeks ago, my ex has tried contacting me numerous times. He's tried everything in the book to get me to talk to him. Last message he sent me was a few days ago. He was actually being kind of "nice" while trying to get me to talk to him, and he ended it saying that he wishes me well and wants me to be happy and not angry with life(he's assuming I am??). Anyway, so since nothing he has said worked to get me to talk to him, he has decided to go the route of making mad and jealous. He saw that I left a comment on a friends instagram pic and so he commented underneathe me. Then he starts posting pix of him and his rebound whore and captioning "kisses to my haters". Before anyone starts hurling stones at me, I DID NOT look at his instagram, nor is their any way to block myself from seeing him on there. It was my friend who told me what he was posting and basically did it so that I would hear about it. My friend, along with several other people, told me he's looking terrible. They say it's obvious he is not doing well and that his life is in disarray. I also found out he is going into the drug world with this girl, which would explain his bizarre behavior because he was never the type to do some social media drama like he's doing now. It's crazy because he chose to break up and be with this chick, then claims he's so happy now, but won't stop messaging me, and then because I won't reply, he gets mad and posts stuff to upset me??? He was never this impulsive, selfish, messy, all over the place person... All of this has caused me to feel a mix of emotions that I cannot put my finger on. It hurts but it doesn't. A part of me feels bad for him, a part feels like laughing at him, and a part feels the beginning of indifference. I think I may just be getting over him and that alone hurts me. He was my love..the man I was about to marry and spend the rest of my life with and now I'm seeing the love slowly disappear. I'm happy to not feel the pain of anguish and despair anymore, but now theres a void where he used to be. My best friend is now becoming a stranger and it happened all so fast. Hmm... Edited January 27, 2014 by songbyrd
Survivor12 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 First of all, getting updates on him and what is going on in his life from your friends and reading or listening to his messages is not No contact. NC means that you have no form of contact with him directly or indirectly. Just because you don't talk to him or initiate contact doesn't qualify as NC if you relying on your friends to report his every move. If you seriously want to move on, the first step is to decide that what he is doing is no longer your concern. Neither is his gf. It doesn't matter if he's living large or sitting in jail because what he does has nothing to do with you. Let go of the drama. You then make it clear to your friends that you don't want to hear anything about him. Don't allow them to make him the topic of conversation. If they don't respect your wishes, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendships.--Delete any messages without reading or listening to them (it's best to block them).--Block him from all social media.--Stay away from his friends and places that you may "accidentally" run into him.--Stop talking to friends about "what ifs" and about him.--Work through your emotions by focusing on what you are feeling not by what you think he is feeling or what he has said or done. There is an excellent guide available on this site that will offer more ways to help you understand the purpose and rules of NC. I suggest you read it.
Author songbyrd Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks but I wasn't looking for a lecture. I stated that I didn't need any stones hurled at me so you can keep your assumptions to yourself. I come here to get things off my mind and I always feel better once I do. I have very well been sticking to NC. Both my ex and I are recording artists with a nice little fan base who have become some of our friends. I have cut off so many of them since the break up, but I still have a few mutual friends that are quite helpful to me and I'm not going to stop speaking to them. I also need my fan base so I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. I've asked them to not tell me anything but sometimes they see how bad he's doing and feel a need to tell me. I don't blame them for that. I'd probably do the same if I were them. Its now 6 weeks since the break up and 3 weeks NC and I've come sooooo far in healing so I'm obviously doing something right. Again, I'm not here to be dictated or reprimanded. I'm here to share with others going through similar and, in that, there is some healing. There is no cookie cutter mold that's going to fit everyone's situation so please spare me.
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