forever_lost Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hey guys, It's been two months since I was dumped my ex-girlfriend of 2.5 years over the phone. It was something that I thought was going to happen but I thought I could avoid, and we had discussed about trying to make things work. She was my college sweetheart and I had just gotten a job miles away. The last time I saw her was in the airport where she begged me to stay. She initially said she wanted to break up because she needed space to figure things about herself, but that soon turned to us being incompatible and me not being kind to her during our relationship. This was infuriating, because I was nothing but compassionate to her during our entire relationship, and she often called me the best boyfriend anyone could have. I have been awful at NC and have been contacting her trying to convince her to get back together. Just when I'm starting to be okay, I reminisce about the good times we had together and break down, and eventually email or call her. At first she was sympathetic, and it even seemed like she was tempted to get back together with me, but she soon became bitter and cold the more space I gave her. When I called her after a month of NC, she mocked me about it, saying that since we weren't dating, it wasn't that big of a deal. She then visited her friends in another city, which included an ex-boyfriend that she always talked to while we were dating despite my requests that she didn't. I'm pretty sure she slept with him too, which just hurts even more. I broke down again today and sent her a novel-length email about how much I've changed since our break up and was wondering if she would be interested in giving me second chance. She sent me a four line response, saying that she wasn't interested but wanted to be friends after a year of space. I gave this girl every fiber in my body trying to make her happy, and she tells me I wasn't KIND to her. It's infuriating that she is so selfish as to just reject everything on her own timeline, while leading me on thinking that we were trying to make things better. All she had to say to that was "sorry". I'm done trying to get back together with her. I'm just so frickin angry right now, and want to move on. But I don't want to be so angry - I just want to find peace. I try to stay busy, but nights are lonely and mornings are sad. Should I continue being angry and bitter? Or should I try to swallow my pride and just calmly move on? I don't want to contact her anymore. I don't want her in my life anymore. I gave her everything, and she loved me back, then spat in my face. Sorry for the rant - I'm just so angry/sad/confused/blah.
ayudorama Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I'm sorry you're hurting so much. And don't apologise for ranting. This is what these forums are for First and foremost, you have decided that you no longer want to pursue your ex anymore. This is the decision you've made and you need to stick with this from here onwards. Go strict NC. Delete her from every aspect of your life. Desist. Both online and offline. Drop off the face of this earth (to her). From personal experience, the anger will stay for awhile. I think where you are now there is no point in berating what has already been done. While it would have been 'ideal' for you to walk away from her like she has done with you, and cease all contact, you did try to get her back - that's done. The feeling of rejection, I truly hope you would hold on to that the next time you get tempted to reach out to her again for whatever reason. Secondly let yourself feel what you're supposed to feel. You feel angry? Then be angry. Don't deny yourself these feelings but know that these are emotions that comes naturally after a break-up. Sadness, extreme grief, anger, denial - you're going to have to experience all or some of these emotions over the next few months. It's okay, you'll slowly let go of all these emotions as soon as it's done its time. Be kind to yourself, you're hurting. Thirdly, spend time on yourself. Self-love, self-improvement. Learn something new, a hobby, spend time with friends and family. Spend time alone. You'll gradually come to a point where although the pain still remains, it is but a really dull ache which can no longer hurt you, nor make you cry. I truly feel that one doesn't really 'move on' from such an experience. But it somehow shapes your character and becomes a part of who you are as a person. Take care mate, and we're here for you if you ever need us 5
bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) I have been awful at NC and have been contacting her trying to convince her to get back together. Just when I'm starting to be okay, I reminisce about the good times we had together and break down, and eventually email or call her. At first she was sympathetic, and it even seemed like she was tempted to get back together with me, but she soon became bitter and cold the more space I gave her. When I called her after a month of NC, she mocked me about it, saying that since we weren't dating, it wasn't that big of a deal. She then visited her friends in another city, which included an ex-boyfriend that she always talked to while we were dating despite my requests that she didn't. I'm pretty sure she slept with him too, which just hurts even more. NC...I can understand , NC is pretty tough specially when the person was with you this long. Its depressing , like a dark phase and you get tempted to contact him/her because of the sudden urges. I understand, going through the same. But please DONT contact her! Under any conditions just DONT. If you have something to say to her just come here and post like we all do. It wouldnt take the pain away but you will feel better for atleast sometime. Take it from someone who is going through the same. Had a break up after almost 3 years day before yesterday as well. Anyway , the point is your ex-gf doesnt deserve you. She doesnt even respect you to reply properly and keep your feelings in mind. Stop contacting her NOW. I get it , its hard but dont ! Talk to me or anyone, go to the forums help people. You will feel better. She mocked you its one plain sign that she wants you out of her life. Let her do whatever she wants! Go hardcore NC. Though I understand those weak moments, I am having them ,I guess so will you in the starting. Cry to sleep , starving etc etc its ok but just DONT contact her. I broke down again today and sent her a novel-length email about how much I've changed since our break up and was wondering if she would be interested in giving me second chance. She sent me a four line response, saying that she wasn't interested but wanted to be friends after a year of space. I gave this girl every fiber in my body trying to make her happy, and she tells me I wasn't KIND to her. It's infuriating that she is so selfish as to just reject everything on her own timeline, while leading me on thinking that we were trying to make things better. All she had to say to that was "sorry". I'm done trying to get back together with her. I'm just so frickin angry right now, and want to move on. But I don't want to be so angry - I just want to find peace. I try to stay busy, but nights are lonely and mornings are sad. Should I continue being angry and bitter? Or should I try to swallow my pride and just calmly move on? I don't want to contact her anymore. I don't want her in my life anymore. I gave her everything, and she loved me back, then spat in my face. Sorry for the rant - I'm just so angry/sad/confused/blah. Thats what exactly I did on the second day aka yesterday after we broke up. I regret doing it. It just serves to their ego more. And her one letter reply is a clear sign that she doesnt care. Dont be bitter. Dont let this break-up make you bitter. You are an amazing person and I am pretty sure there is some other girl for you , who would care and respect and more importantly love you. Go NC , keep your head high and your dignity stop contacting her. Edited January 27, 2014 by bubblesbursted
ponchsox Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Try to avoid contacting her, for YOU. I know it's difficult to resist the temptation. I broke NC like crazy in the beginning. You are still in a emotional roller coaster. It will get smoother in the coming months. The anger phase is normal. You will soon come to terms with the breakup. I am finally hitting the indifference phase after 4 months and I can finally move on without the distractions of the breakup.
bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Try to avoid contacting her, for YOU. I know it's difficult to resist the temptation. I broke NC like crazy in the beginning. You are still in a emotional roller coaster. It will get smoother in the coming months. The anger phase is normal. You will soon come to terms with the breakup. I am finally hitting the indifference phase after 4 months and I can finally move on without the distractions of the breakup. 4 months? So 4 months we have to endure the pain? I am sorry I am curious , going through the same.
Discover Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It kind of sucks..but i have something to say that most people would probably hate me for... I am NC as well..but i don't feel it hard...why? Because i loved this girl for 2 years with my whole heart and did everything for her...but in the end she left me...I guess we should just accept that if they left..we need to find someone better...Don't go and tell me i didn't love her enough...you have no idea how i cried to a friend of mine to the verge of acutally staying all day at his place just so i can find comfort and resist checking the phone....If they are moving on..you move on as well...you people loved yourselves...so imagine the person who loved you..not the person who stands now infronts of you in the face of an ex..and thing WOULD HE/SHE WANT US TO BE SAD?...if you think YES than get angry..go insane...go crazy and go waste that energy so you have no strenght and can fall asleep with peace and hunger....it is better than blaming yourself...why do i feel the same...CAUSE I CRIED FOR A PERSON WHO IN THE SAME TIME WAS ALREADY MOVING ON...I WORRIED ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND TRIED TO RUIN MYSELF...I feel awful..i feel bad...but..write here..just...don't think about the past and ask yourself HOW LONG....just think about the next boy or girl and what you want from here..just have your dose of daydreaming and live for today! 1
WYSWYG Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Most of us here, at this moment, is also mourning a loss like you. Hang in there... Edited January 27, 2014 by WYSWYG 1
hea Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 time to move on I think. Its inevitable, and you might as well make a start now. The sooner you let yourself heal and move on, the sooner you can find happiness elsewhere. It takes a big step and some self respect, but enough is enough.
Author forever_lost Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for all the support, everyone. I woke this morning feeling angry, which is new, and was somewhat welcomed, because it was better than waking up sad and alone. The part which is most infuriating is thinking about her seeing other guys - the feeling of being replaced is driving me up-the-wall insane. Is the best way to get over this feeling to rebound, or is there something I can do that doesn't require me to potentially getting rejected again? I'm doing all the self-improvement and active exercises I can, but the pain seeps through the pores and I break down before long. Maybe what I'm asking is - is there a shortcut through this maze of loneliness and betrayal?! I do like Discover's point about daydreaming in lieu of reminiscing. The problem is I used to daydream about my future with my ex, and it's hard to to go back and see anything else now. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Just plain damned. 1
bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I understand what you are going through but instead you have to try and try harder to dream of a future without HER, anyone but her. And I am strictly against rebound. I kind of believe it leads the other person on and the same circle continuous. Indulge in something that makes you happy, be it sports or chilling with your friends. In my case I am on LS most of the time since I am on a vacation from my uni. Day time is less harder than night but we all will get through it.
Author forever_lost Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I understand what you are going through but instead you have to try and try harder to dream of a future without HER, anyone but her. And I am strictly against rebound. I kind of believe it leads the other person on and the same circle continuous. Indulge in something that makes you happy, be it sports or chilling with your friends. In my case I am on LS most of the time since I am on a vacation from my uni. Day time is less harder than night but we all will get through it. Yeah, I've been doing this today. I started dreaming about road-tripping to Alaska, which is something me and my ex always planned to do together, but when I got there, I stopped myself, mentally replaced her with Taylor Swift, and it was a little better haha. Granted, thankfully I didn't date Taylor Swift. I might have a song about me on the radio all the time. Imagine trying to NC HER... Man. You guys are the best. Cheers to you all.
fixing Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Stay strong man. You give this girl your absolute best and she even possibly cheated on you with the ex boyfriend? **** her. She doesnt even deserve your love no more. ITS HER LOSS. Always will be. Remember your unique, we all are. Dont be fretting about writing that letter to her. Its done now. Best thing you can do is acknowledge that this is just 1 person out of 6 billion people.... World is your oyster and there are plenty of special girls out there who will love you back forever! 1
jjc82 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Let the anger and bitterness happen. They are natural parts of the experience. There's no way to fast track past them, but there are ways to lengthen their stay which you want to avoid. Keep that in mind with all resultant emotions. If you want to go to Alaska, make sure you are doing it because YOU want to. Taking the trip will no doubt trigger memories and emotions of your ex. Also, in regards to her selfishness and seeing other guys, remember that the way a person acts during and after a break up carries equal weight with who they were during the relationship. 1
Author forever_lost Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks again guys. It's been really difficult because this is a new city and I don't really know anyone. Things got very lonely tonight and I nearly called again, but in the end I just got very sad and drove up and down the highway, singing to myself. I feel so pathetic, and so lost, and certainly very very lonely.
bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks again guys. It's been really difficult because this is a new city and I don't really know anyone. Things got very lonely tonight and I nearly called again, but in the end I just got very sad and drove up and down the highway, singing to myself. I feel so pathetic, and so lost, and certainly very very lonely. You and I are on the same boat. Nights are hard and I was tempted to call him in the morning but instead I came here Dont feel lonely , im here for you , hell everyone at Ls is so helpful , everyone is here for you. Right now , im crying and feeling guilty and getting mad at myself for thinking about him when he doesnt care at all. I think thats a progress. Get mad at her! Let it out. 1
Author forever_lost Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 You and I are on the same boat. Nights are hard and I was tempted to call him in the morning but instead I came here Dont feel lonely , im here for you , hell everyone at Ls is so helpful , everyone is here for you. Right now , im crying and feeling guilty and getting mad at myself for thinking about him when he doesnt care at all. I think thats a progress. Get mad at her! Let it out. Yeah, thanks. Sleep was hard to get when we first broke up, and it's been difficult to get these past few days too. I'm swinging back and forth between being fine, being angry, and being sad - and it destroys me that she's probably feeling just happy all the time. I get that it gets easier only with time, but are there any shortcuts? Is it a lack of character on my part to want shortcuts?
Chi townD Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks for all the support, everyone. I woke this morning feeling angry, which is new, and was somewhat welcomed, because it was better than waking up sad and alone. The part which is most infuriating is thinking about her seeing other guys - the feeling of being replaced is driving me up-the-wall insane. Is the best way to get over this feeling to rebound, or is there something I can do that doesn't require me to potentially getting rejected again? I'm doing all the self-improvement and active exercises I can, but the pain seeps through the pores and I break down before long. Maybe what I'm asking is - is there a shortcut through this maze of loneliness and betrayal?! I do like Discover's point about daydreaming in lieu of reminiscing. The problem is I used to daydream about my future with my ex, and it's hard to to go back and see anything else now. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Just plain damned. You need to embrace the pain and the anger. THOSE EMOTIONS ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL! You're on a roller coaster of emotions. A lot of ups and downs. But, sooner or later, you'll get to a point of indifference. That's the goal! However, you keep shooting yourself in the foot. Everytime you contact her, it brings you down a few pegs in the healing process. If not, back to square one! So, STOP IT! NC means NO CONTACT of any kind. You talked about going to Alaska. Well, GO! I wouldn't go right now (it's a frickin icebox there right now). But, make a plan and save your money to go in late spring. It's beautiful country up there. I've been, and it's amazing. Your first trip will kinda suck because you'll be thinking that she should be here with you. But, that will soon be replaced with, "This bitch is missing out because I'm having a blast!" 1
Author forever_lost Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 You need to embrace the pain and the anger. THOSE EMOTIONS ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL! You're on a roller coaster of emotions. A lot of ups and downs. But, sooner or later, you'll get to a point of indifference. That's the goal! However, you keep shooting yourself in the foot. Everytime you contact her, it brings you down a few pegs in the healing process. If not, back to square one! So, STOP IT! NC means NO CONTACT of any kind. You talked about going to Alaska. Well, GO! I wouldn't go right now (it's a frickin icebox there right now). But, make a plan and save your money to go in late spring. It's beautiful country up there. I've been, and it's amazing. Your first trip will kinda suck because you'll be thinking that she should be here with you. But, that will soon be replaced with, "This bitch is missing out because I'm having a blast!" Heh. This made me smile. Thanks so much for that. It's hard to just wrap my head around what happened, simply because I thought we were so great. We went from warm embraces at the airport to her explicitly saying she does not want to talk to me for the next year. She wasn't cheating or anything - just said she wanted space. We lived with each other for two years - I thought everything was good. I'm looking forward to my life without her, but at the same time, I find myself holding myself back, because I'm scared of turning away from the one thing that's been consistent in my life for the past few years.
Author forever_lost Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Just when I was just getting okay with everything again - she emails me, a reply from an email I sent last weekend. I've been maintaining NC since then - why'd she just reply to it now? And it didn't really say anything, other than she was thinking about the good things in our relationship but that didn't change anything. It's like she sensed I was getting better and wanted to wreck it for me all over again, or something. Didn't reply, though tempted to. Hoping it wasn't a guilt-freeing message before she went on a date - or worse.
deathandtaxes Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You're asking us why she replied when you're the one that send an e-mail in the first place? That doesn't make any sense. 1
Author forever_lost Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Three days later. Why not immediately after she read it? Sorry, just frustrated.
deathandtaxes Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Hahaha. The mysteries of women. Have you learned your lesson?
Author forever_lost Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Wow, 1270 views. Insane. I don't know. I feel like I definitely went back to square one though. Again.
lauri Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Wow, 1270 views. Insane. I don't know. I feel like I definitely went back to square one though. Again. I know you are hurting man but this is not going to be good if you continue to talk to her. First off, to me it is a bad sign she took a while to respond. You are asking why did she take so long to response right? Because she can - she believes she is in control and can do whatever she wants now. I'm not sure exactly what your email said but it could have gave her an ego boost and/or she felt like she didn't want to respond but did for whatever reason. I wouldn't respond to her at all. It will only hurt your chances of being with her and you will only appear weak. Being weak is a huge turn off to girls and it will only set you back further. Look dude, chances are her interest level in you is so low that you won't be able to raise it back up if you stay around. If you want to maintain self respect and even have a slight chance (probably 1-10% chance) of getting back with her, then don't respond, be silent and let her realize you are gone and not available as a backup. Remember, she ended it with you and it is her loss not yours.
organizedchaos Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Wow, 1270 views. Insane. I don't know. I feel like I definitely went back to square one though. Again. Well then maybe you shouldn't have emailed her first.
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