mukkrakker Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 never before or since have I felt the kind of insane, wild, utterly intense passionate love I can relate to that. It seemed as if my whole life was waiting for that moment. She was married, I was living with my g/f (close to ten years). It ended badly for everyone, but if she walked into the room right now and gave me the come here look, I'd probably have a very hard time not running off with her, even knowing it wouldn't last.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 (edited) I can relate to that. It seemed as if my whole life was waiting for that moment. She was married, I was living with my g/f (close to ten years). It ended badly for everyone, but if she walked into the room right now and gave me the come here look, I'd probably have a very hard time not running off with her, even knowing it wouldn't last. I think part of the reason I don't really want anything to do with him any more is because it seems unlikely we would ever be able to have a pure platonic friendship without those feelings. Logically I would never want to get together with him, even if he became single. He is unstable, has medically-diagnosed mental health issues that make him a poor choice of partner if you want somebody who is not going to crumple easily, a proven liar and cheat, and I think we were both idiots for believing it was ever going to be as simple as 'the plan'. I mean, even if he had left her to get with me, nobody gets over a seven year relationship that easily. Imagine building a new relationship on a foundation of one partner grieving the old one, with no space in between. I would have been crazy paranoid every time they were in touch. And once the infatuation wore off I think I'd have realised I'd landed myself a cheat and wanted better for myself, all the while he'd have been thinking 'but look how much I sacrificed to be with you'. Recipe for disaster. But my emotions would be making things difficult for me if we spent too much time around each other I'm sure, it's just a whole load of complication I don't need. I think if we tried to stay 'best friends' *vom* after the affair then somewhere down the line things would have gotten complicated again. Edited January 28, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse
SugarHibiscus Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) I think you're short-changing yourself and the rest of us too. You're going down that 'I had no control' road and it's just weird because everyone in their own experience knows it's not actually true, much as we'd all like a 'get out of jail free' card now and then. If what you said was true there would be a lot more dead bodies lying around from justified rage and such. Don't be giving the burqa people business, please with the 'he and I can't help it' thing! I'm coming to Anne's defense! Sometimes affairs so progress gradually we don't notice. By the time it becomes a full-fledged physical affair, we aren't exactly sure how we let our emotions and actions get so out of control. I can relate to not thinking I would have an affair until 30 seconds before the physical aspect happened. If I started talking to my friend and knew from the beginning that we would end up having an intense EA/PA, I would've never done it! I would have thought, "I'm not that type of girl!" But, it happened. In small, nearly indiscernible increments, it happened. It's like the classic frog in the pot analogy: They say that if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will leap out right away to escape the danger. But, if you put a frog in a kettle that is filled with water that is cool and pleasant, and then you gradually heat the kettle until it starts boiling, the frog will not become aware of the threat until it is too late. Some of us succumb to the pot! The pot did seem innocent and comfortable in the beginning, huh? Now it's frog legs for dinner. Edited January 29, 2014 by SugarHibiscus change my word choice
SugarHibiscus Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 You simply can't justify something that is wrong. You can try to convince yourself and everyone else that the behavior is justified but it simply is not. Bottom line is that marriage is a sacred thing between two people and no one has the right to intrude upon that relationship. So many people say that they didn't know that person was married in the beginning so it's different for them. It's simply not. Once you find out about the marriage you should walk away. End of story. Not to get too philosophical or Machiavellian, but have you heard of the phrase "the ends justify the means"? You simply can justify something that is wrong. We, as individuals and society, do it daily. Here's an example off of the top of my head. Killing is wrong. Not only is it a commandment, but seems to go against human nature to kill another human. However, there are justified killings. If a police officer kills a man holding someone hostage, are the police officer's actions murder? No, because the ends justifies the means. If the police officer didn't shoot the man, the man could've killed the hostage. Althougth the means (killing the criminal) are immoral, the ends (saving the innocent hostage) is moral. Just saying your "end of story" may not match everyone's take on morality.
VeronicaRoss Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I'm coming to Anne's defense! I can relate to not thinking I would have an affair until 30 seconds before the physical aspect happened. It just kind of... Happened. Then when it did, we looked back and started the "Oh my God, what just happened?" routine. I really understand how it happens. What rankles is someone who uses the swept away excuse instead of owning they made an actual adult decision, a choice because that's when the responsibility really begins.
Recommended Posts