HeartBorken Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Guess it's weird asking but i am not sure how to forgive my Ex. We have been broken up around 5 months now and the break up was pretty bad. Considering everything that happened she left me in debt, blamed the whole failure of the relationship on me, Possibly cheated on me (Got into a relationship less than two weeks later) Guess to say things ended on horrible terms. I'm at a point were i know i don't want to be in contact with this girl ever again however i find myself during some nights just thinking about everything she told and did to me during & after the breakup that i get so angry. During the first month of our breakup (before i even knew she was in another relationship) she kept leading me on with random crap. She said she would help clear the debt buy giving me the money she owes me. (That never happened) Since we were planning on moving to a different state together she moved first and had my clothing. After breaking up with me she ended up throwing my clothes out. She kept telling me its my fault and i should accept responsibility for making her leave. Anytime i recall these memories i get so angry that i have given this girl my all and just like that she made a fool of me. I feel stupid and upset. I don't even know how to describe my feelings towards her anymore. I want to be able to just forgive her for my sake but i can't even seem to do that. How do i just forgive someone who has done this crap to me. Why after all i have done for her do i get to be placed in this horrible situation. Just seems unfair knowing she probably doesn't have a care in the world and i get to struggle with all this crap on my own.
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Heartbroken, I am sorry you are having a tough time at the moment. I'm afraid that no-one can tell you how to forgive anyone. That is something you need to do in your own time. It might takes months or even years. This book might help you:- "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Published by Harper-Collins ISBN 0-00-721559-2 Good Luck.
Author HeartBorken Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks. Guess it sucks kinda hoping for some sort of life lesson tutorial on all this lol. I guess a perspective i may not be looking at. I will be checking out the book maybe it might provide me with some well needed insight. 1
freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I spent many months trying to figure out what forgiveness was and how to forgive my ex. Sometimes I would say I would forgive my ex because I really wanted to, but I never meant it. Until...someone gave me some eye-opening advice. You see, we are all human. Yeah my ex hurt me, pretty much tore my heart out and treated me poorly towards the end. With all that anger it was hard to even consider forgiveness. But we are all human once again. We all make mistakes. We are not perfect in any way. And not one of us is better than any one else. We live and learn. And yes we mess up a lot, sometimes by screwing over the people we claimed to love. But u just gotta understand that we're human we are compelled to mess up sometimes. Every one of us messes up from time to time. We all deserve to be forgiven. Maybe not a second chance. But to be forgiven, yes. 3
Author HeartBorken Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I spent many months trying to figure out what forgiveness was and how to forgive my ex. Sometimes I would say I would forgive my ex because I really wanted to, but I never meant it. Until...someone gave me some eye-opening advice. You see, we are all human. Yeah my ex hurt me, pretty much tore my heart out and treated me poorly towards the end. With all that anger it was hard to even consider forgiveness. But we are all human once again. We all make mistakes. We are not perfect in any way. And not one of us is better than any one else. We live and learn. And yes we mess up a lot, sometimes by screwing over the people we claimed to love. But u just gotta understand that we're human we are compelled to mess up sometimes. Every one of us messes up from time to time. We all deserve to be forgiven. Maybe not a second chance. But to be forgiven, yes. That's just it. I forgive her for the breakup. Everything after that is what hurts. How can i even see it has her making a mistake if she knew exactly what she was doing and how it would effect things. You don't exactly throw out ones belongings, screw them over in debt, blame the failure of teh relationship on you then say. Oh hes gonna be fine. If this was a simple breakup even if i didn't want it to happen i think i would of been much better off. Then all the crap that happened....... Sigh.... If i think about it maybe she doesn't have the same thought process as me.... but it hurts knowing people could act so cruelly. I will even admit that this lets me view relationships differently and to think long term i will probably develop some type of trust development issues......Sigh the college years are just amazing =/
StGeorge22 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hi mate your situation sounds very similar to mine (including the debt part ) - I have additional reasons to feel angry given she lead me on for a year after the break up promising we would get back together only to keep bailing (Although this is also my fault for allowing that to happen!) I felt used and angry for ages, until one day I just figured out that it didn't matter if I even was used. It hasn't changed the end result and it won't impact the future. Do I still get mad when I think about it? Absolutely. But as I keep adding good things to my life, this is happening less and less.
RaidDolEm78 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Your situation sounds so similar to mine, debt and everything. Except he left me with the debt, he blamed it on me and he went into another relationship practically right away.Every single thought you wrote, I've thought and probably more. I've been struggling with the forgiving thing as well lately. I think I'm going try to forgive him (kept to myself, of course), just so I can be proud of myself. You see, in my situation, I'm improving things to make my situation better. My ex isn't. He is only going to stay stuck. And, as I've been told, you can only feel sorry for people like that. Which I'm kind of starting to. The whole experience has been an eye opener, that's for sure.
realfriends Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Forgiving is a truly hard thing to do. A lot of people can say that they can do it and say they have forgiven but are just lying to themselves. My ex cheated on me about 3 months ago and I have not forgiven her yet. Want to know how I know this? To truly forgive someone, it means that you can't hold whatever he/she did against them. That means, if I ever talked to her again, I couldn't use this as blackmail. You have to let it go. I believe it takes a lot of time to truly forgive.
freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 That's just it. I forgive her for the breakup. Everything after that is what hurts. How can i even see it has her making a mistake if she knew exactly what she was doing and how it would effect things. You don't exactly throw out ones belongings, screw them over in debt, blame the failure of teh relationship on you then say. Oh hes gonna be fine. If this was a simple breakup even if i didn't want it to happen i think i would of been much better off. Then all the crap that happened....... Sigh.... If i think about it maybe she doesn't have the same thought process as me.... but it hurts knowing people could act so cruelly. I will even admit that this lets me view relationships differently and to think long term i will probably develop some type of trust development issues......Sigh the college years are just amazing =/ i understand what youre feeling. my ex could have simply broke up with me and we could have ended things on good terms. it was a bad breakup though. but like i said, we are all human. and true, you might look at your ex and think that that's something that you might never have done to someone else. Its hard to forgive someone who you think might have intentionally tried to hurt you. it takes time. doesnt just happen. but after a while, you just become less and less angry. indifferent, even. when it comes to that point you have the choice to just forgive them. and dont think that you are going to develop trust issues. you know, not every oe goes through heart break. but i consider myself lucky. we have the gift of growing and learning from this. Its okay to be a little cautious in your next relationships, but dont let it stop you from being vulnerable again. who knows, we might get hurt again. but thats the risk of loving and being loved. we are opening the doors to our hearts, and its a beautiful and can be a tragic thing. but its well worth it. and you know it.
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