BBR84 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hi All. Here's my situation: Me: 30yo male, no kids, never married Her: 31yo female, divorced, 2yo daughter from a man she wasn't married to. I live about 90 minutes from her and recently took off for a 4 month work contract and will be relocating to her city permanently in May. I had two meetings with this gal. The first was intense as she invited me to her house for a cup of coffee. Her 2yo daughter was there which was a little weird I thought as this was first meeting. The second was especially intense. 7 hours. Lots of intense conversation, making out, etc. She made out with me in public, was speaking in the future tense, saying how much she wanted to hang out again, etc. There was chemistry, but I'm not sure if that was real or imagined because we were both in such a bad spot. I felt rushed (b/c I was getting ready to take off for a few months), broke some texting rules and came across as needy. She dodged a date request from me but still kept the contact going with me, saying she would respond to that request soon. I chose to leave the ball in her court and backed off completely as if I moved on. She randomly texts me a week later with a, "Hello out there?" text. I took a full day to respond and gave her a light, cordial reply: "Hello back! Crazy week here. What's good in your world?" She never responded. I'm in a vulnerable spot and don't need to be seriously dating. I gathered the same is true for her given some of the red flags. I will be moving to her city for my start-up in May and will be in a much better place to try with her slow. In that city, the options are limited, and she is educated, beautiful, similar values/interests and financially stable, hence my sustained interest in her. My question is this: Is it possible/likely to reconnect and have a fresh start with a person several months down the line and assuming we're both in a better spot, it actually works out? Or has too much happened already to spoil that? Also. Any other advice on this situation? My thoughts: Enough happened to warrant a third meeting. Timing wasn't right on either end. It faded out semi-awkwardly. I'm still curious. She may or may not be. I'd like to find out without making myself look desperate/needy.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I really understand this situation,I'm going through the same thing with a guy You should txt her one last time. I'll tell you this guy he had a conversation with me about coming off desperate and needy awhile ago ,he then backed off completely ,then resumed contact later but day before yesterday just like you he emailed me ,but then took a full day to reply, I was so upset by this, and saw it as clear disinterest that I decided I would definitely not reply even though I like him a lot.i just can't tell if he lost interest or is playing a game. SO yes write her maybe one txt,she prob saw the full day reply as disinterest because it takes five secs to reply,it means this person is not a priority. Hi All. I felt rushed (b/c I was getting ready to take off for a few months), broke some texting rules and came across as needy. She dodged a date request from me but still kept the contact going with me, saying she would respond to that request soon. I chose to leave the ball in her court and backed off completely as if I moved on. She randomly texts me a week later with a, "Hello out there?" text. I took a full day to respond and gave her a light, cordial reply: "Hello back! Crazy week here. What's good in your world?" She never responded. I'm in a vulnerable spot and don't need to be seriously dating. I gathered the same is true for her given some of the red flags. I will be moving to her city for my start-up in May and will be in a much better place to try with her slow. In that city, the options are limited, and she is educated, beautiful, similar values/interests and financially stable, hence my sustained interest in her. Sh I'd like to find out without making myself look desperate/needy.
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 BBR84, Your post is confusing. I'm in a vulnerable spot and don't need to be seriously dating. So why are you bothered about this girl? Maybe you should find out what you really want before you start giving out mixed signals?
todreaminblue Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It is definitely possible to reconnect with people you havent contacted in a while takes a phone call one text whatever.....just depends if you really want to reconnect or not i guess....... my advice would be to try to reconnect if it doesnt work ...what exactly have you lost....if anything.....in my mind,you have gained perspective and put something to rest or you have started something that may be better than what you had......good luck...best wishes....deb
Author BBR84 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I really understand this situation,I'm going through the same thing with a guy You should txt her one last time. I'll tell you this guy he had a conversation with me about coming off desperate and needy awhile ago ,he then backed off completely ,then resumed contact later but day before yesterday just like you he emailed me ,but then took a full day to reply, I was so upset by this, and saw it as clear disinterest that I decided I would definitely not reply even though I like him a lot.i just can't tell if he lost interest or is playing a game. SO yes write her maybe one txt,she prob saw the full day reply as disinterest because it takes five secs to reply,it means this person is not a priority. @Thegreatesthing: I took a full day to respond to send a message that it's not acceptable to blow me off like she did and then to reconnect as if I dropped the ball. I haven't done anything like that in probably 5 years and am not proud of it. I don't want to send another text now because I'm not in a good spot to date yet. Furthermore, I fully put myself out there to this woman and she took her time getting back and still dodged my request. So why are you bothered about this girl? Maybe you should find out what you really want before you start giving out mixed signals? @arieswoman: I'm bothered because we did have a lot of interests and values in common and personality and physical chemistry was definitely there. Those are important pre-cursors for me when in a good place and rare to find, esp. in a city the size of the one I will be living in. Feels weird to just walk away from that if that makes sense. I also think she gave out some "mixed signals" and I'm not sure why that is - she has a child and wants to take things slow or she's not interested or ? I also felt that I definitely came across as too needy and wanted to back off to give her space. It is definitely possible to reconnect with people you havent contacted in a while takes a phone call one text whatever.....just depends if you really want to reconnect or not i guess....... my advice would be to try to reconnect if it doesnt work ...what exactly have you lost....if anything.....in my mind,you have gained perspective and put something to rest or you have started something that may be better than what you had......good luck...best wishes....deb Thanks, Deb. My question for all: Will waiting 3-4 months allow for a fresher start or should I try and maintain light communication over the spring? My thought is to wait to try to re-connect until May when I arrive in her city because it would seemingly be a pointless exercise at this point. I honestly would prefer to try a fresh start would be a in a much better place with better perspective at that point. For the record, the first time we tried to connect was in early September, and it didn't work out for multiple reasons. She actually re-pinged me in late December via the dating app we first connected on.
nerdlingZA Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 "Its possible" <<< False hope , Its impossible to reconnect to that previous degree again.
Recommended Posts