purplehues Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Hey all, It's day 6 since my ex broke-up with me (ouch) and I've not had any contact with her since. Hurts so effing bad… Anyways, since we lived together (and the lease is up @ the end of the month), I have to tie up a few loose ends, make sure one of us is there to do a walkthrough, receive deposit money, etc….There's a couple of other financial matters that need ironing as well. I just really don't wanna contact her. The thought of shooting her an informal e-mail and probably getting an informal reply from a person who still means the world to me is so sickening. I have thought about asking a family member or a friend to e-mail her instead of me, but this seems ridiculously childish. What do you all think? I'm just trying to do the right thing here and in the least dramatic manner possible.
ithappenedagain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I am also on the 6 day mark of NC. If you have been following my story, I also lived with my now ex When I was moving out, we had minimal contact. She just text me to let me know how much I owed her and to figure out the date that the movers were coming. Small talk basically. Anywhoo.. I completely can relate to why you think it is childish to go through family or friends to tie up loose ends, but guess what? It's not like she has thrown you any messages asking you about how you are gonna handle things. Fact is. As hard as it sounds, you cant worry how they would feel about the way you handle things. You have to do what is in YOUR best interest.. Whether that is going through friends (which I am currently doing) or emailing her - in hopes her response doesnt hurt you more - it's completely your call.. Hang in there. Let's be NC teammates! DAY 7 is tomorrow WE CAN DO THIS! 2
Author purplehues Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Hahaha, thanks for making me smile and definitely grateful for your advice. I'll give it some more thought, but I daresay it would be best to go through someone else. Screw this, never falling in love again (just kidding). We'll be alright!!! I am also on the 6 day mark of NC. Hang in there. Let's be NC teammates! DAY 7 is tomorrow WE CAN DO THIS!
ithappenedagain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Are you staying somewhere else in the meantime? She might contact you, but dont expect it to be what you are looking for My ex sent me a message with the pro-rated rent and utilities balance for the 10 days of January that we were together... Can you believe that! She breaks my heart and then sends a bill with it!!!!
Author purplehues Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Yep, I packed a bag the night she broke up with me and went to a friend's house. Sucks 'cause it's an hour away from work, but it is what it is. And yeah, sending you a bill seems pretty freaking heartless. I swear that if I ever leave someone I will spare the person any additional pain. Even if it means fronting a few bucks. There's been no contact so far, which is pretty surprising to me--I really expected her to reach out and apologize. Wishful thinking I guess. I'm scared that she may be using again (she's an addict), though I hope that's not the case. The night she broke up with me, she told me she no longer felt the same way. What the hell does that even mean? Seems like a lame excuse. I'm a female as well, so thought dating a girl would give me a little insight. Nope! How are you holding up overall? How long since the relationship ended?
anna121 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 You will feel better if you make the email business like rather than informal. Do you have a second email account that you rarely use? You could use that. And, if you had a friend or family member you could trust (likely female) you could ask them to just keep tabs on the reply so you don't have to actually read it until you feel ready. Heck, you might never have to actually read it at all - just use your go-between person (but don't let your ex know that). Yeah, some people may find that overdramatic, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
ithappenedagain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Good for you for packing up and getting out of the apartment. It's not easy. I'm proud of you for doing that. Must have been really sad and hard for you. As for the old ''dont feel the same'' excuse... It's just and easy out for her. Sucks that the person who meant the world to you can easily cut the chord with some classic cliche bullsh.. excuse. No Contact is hard, huh? Especially when you lived with them. It adds another dimension to the equation. You go from seeing them everyday, planning your day around your's and her schedule, eating meals together, sleeping together etc. etc. to being thrown out in the cold. Definitely sucks. Once again, I can relate. As for me... I am on day 6 of hardcore NC. She initially told me the news on 1/10/14 (Friday) but we spent the next few days still living together-with me going through a small pleading/begging stage (which I now regret).. I kept getting mixed signals from her during those few days. I actually thought that I had her back until she sent me that text message. I knew it was bad news. The dreaded "I have thought long and hard BUT......." message came on 1/16. or roughly 10 days ago... Geeez seems like just yesterday Anyways... It sucks! Like you, I packed up my stuff headed to my sisters place after she told me she needed space... 30 mins away from town. It sucks being out here in the burbs, but it is what is. You can relate to that. I have my ups and downs. Lately I;ve been more down. I think it is because I don't work on the weekends so my mind has time to work overtime. I pray that your ex hasnt fallen into the ''scene'' again. If you dont mind me asking, what was her drug of choice? Hang in there. *hugs*
Author purplehues Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks anna121. Reckon it's better to opt for melodramatic vs. stabbed in your heart again. I'll give it some more thought, not reaching out tonight either way. I very much appreciate your advice. Ithappenedagain--I don't mind you asking. It's weed actually--seemingly harmless, but no such thing when you're an addict. She had 7 years clean when we started dating and relapsed during our relationship. I sometimes wonder if the pertinent stress (we went through some hard times) may have been a catalyst for her relapse and then I begin feeling guilty. It's a mind***k! And yes, it really is so difficult to essentially start your life anew. I posted the other day that I keep checking the time she usually gets off work at night, as if she's still coming home to me. Yikes. So I'm completely with you. Don't even get me started on how much I miss cuddling--it's pretty much my favorite activity in the world. So many questions and no contact sucks. But I trust that the majority on here knows what they're talking about, especially since this is my first relationship. Your ex finalized the relationship via text? I am so sorry. That, to me, is just unacceptable. Good for you for maintaining NC. And don't dwell too much on begging/pleading--we all do what we think is the best at the moment. You gave it your best shot! "Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know"---I've been hanging unto this quote. Maybe it helps you too. Hope you get some good sleep tonight
ithappenedagain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for that great quote! I already wrote it down. So true! I hope you can get some good sleep tonight as well. Tomorrow is a new day. Day 7 NC is tomorrow. We have almost survived one week of this crap!!
herself Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Well if she moved out of there she knows when the lease is up so i vote you just do the walk through the deposit, everything on your own as if she was dead. Its not on you to contact her or have a friend do it (looks immature). Just handle it, she should have reached out to tie tjis up but since she hadnt, it would seem to me an excuse to contact her. You dont need her, its only ur place now and its gonna feel so much better to move on from there and be done with that chapter. Dont break NC, silence speaks louder & she is probably waiting for you to write. NO!
Author purplehues Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately, both of our names are on the lease, which complicates things greatly. And whatever deposit refunded split between the two. Neither will be living there after this month. And trust me, I am really not looking for excuses. I'm ready to put it all behind me, especially the place she and I once shared. It's so empty and cold in there anyways. Well if she moved out of there she knows when the lease is up so i vote you just do the walk through the deposit, everything on your own as if she was dead. Its not on you to contact her or have a friend do it (looks immature). Just handle it, she should have reached out to tie tjis up but since she hadnt, it would seem to me an excuse to contact her. You dont need her, its only ur place now and its gonna feel so much better to move on from there and be done with that chapter. Dont break NC, silence speaks louder & she is probably waiting for you to write. NO!
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