candy411 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I've been with my boyfriend for about 8-9 months now. Over Christmas I felt suuuuuper in love. I went to visit family for a month, and when I came back, I noticed that I no longer felt super in love with him. (Probably attributed to my personal drama I was experiencing at the time) I actually feel much healthier about it though, because I used to be a little *TOO* preoccupied as I've mentioned. Anyway, we were having a conversation the other day and he said something that made me feel a little uneasy. In the context of our conversation (about beauty), he said you get used to someone's physical beauty. He talked about how a celebrity or actress can be extremely striking and create a visceral response b/c of their beauty, but then said that the effect of that beauty wears off with repeated exposure, while the beauty of art doesn't. It did make me feel a tiny bit insecure, because he did tell me in the beginning of our relationship that he was awe-struck by me and thought I was stunning. He never EVER says stuff like that to me anymore, so I'm aware that he probably doesn't feel as attracted to me physically anymore due to the repeated exposure. He does tell me I'm cute, pretty, and beautiful from time to time. But never such strong language as he did initially. When I asked him if he still thinks I'm striking (after his comment), he said "Yeah. Whenever I see you I want to hug you." which totally is not the same thing, haha. And on the other hand, I'm also experiencing a fading of the in love feelings myself. I feel that 8 months is a little early for this to be happening. Is there something I can do to keep it alive longer? Some alternative methods of going about our relationship? We also have sex almost every time we are together, which is currently about 3-4 days/week. Like, we'll spend the night Monday and Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Something like that. Could that be too often? If I want to keep the sexual attraction high, should we do it less frequently?
StanMusial Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 How is your relationship apart from the superficial stuff?
Author candy411 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 How is your relationship apart from the superficial stuff? In terms of superficial, do you mean aside from physical attraction? It's really wonderful in all aspects. We definitely had a lot of physical chemistry (and still do, but not such a dramatic one anymore). Aside from that though, we have many shared interests, get along great, connect very well intellectually, and respect and admire each other
Weezy1973 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 There is really no rule about when the initial infatuation feelings fade, but according to most it's between 3 months and a year generally - so 8-9 months sounds about right. It will be different for every couple. In terms of keeping the spark alive - obviously there are simple things like having "date night" where you each get dressed nice and focus completely on each other. Also doing thrilling, new things together will help create that "excitement" feeling. But also, if you're wanting a relationship for the long haul, those infatuation feelings get replaced by a much deeper connection. The key is to do things every once in awhile to bring those butterflies back. It won't be all the time like it was in the beginning though. That's just the nature of the long term relationship...
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Do you still do sweet stuff for each? Love notes? Calls / texts in the middle of the day for no reason? Do you still say please & thank you? Treat the relationship with care & the "spark" should come back.
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Much of this sounds like "normal" relationship form. You are more comfortable and that is likely due to feeling more secure about the relationship. That's good. Being on a constant high is not all that healthy imho. Bringing things down to earth, more realistic, more objective, now that's more like what you want, but you also want to keep things spicy, naughty, unpredictable at times.
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