abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 So, I went on a first date with a guy I met on an online dating site. It was an afternoon coffee date, so not a whole lot of room for being too flirty. I have begun to have ZERO expectations, but this guy blew me out of the water. I'm very interested in him, but want to be cautious, especially since he's younger than me. What's the next step? Should I wait for him to contact me? Should I message him on the site and say I had a good time? Or do I text him? We exchanged numbers before meeting, but never texted/called. It's been one day.
mammasita Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 When I have a good time, I always send a text after we part saying I had a good time, thank you for the drinks etc..... It can't ever hurt to be gracious. It's been one day, go for it! 1
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 When I have a good time, I always send a text after we part saying I had a good time, thank you for the drinks etc..... It can't ever hurt to be gracious. It's been one day, go for it! That's not the guys job to text? I guess I just overthink stuff. Because I'm older, I don't want to steer the relationship and have him be turned off because I took the man role from him.
mammasita Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I'm older too. All you're dong is saying thank you and/or you enjoyed meeting him. That's not a mans job. You can leave it on him to plan another date..... 2
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I'm older too. All you're dong is saying thank you and/or you enjoyed meeting him. That's not a mans job. You can leave it on him to plan another date..... Okay. And do you think text or messaging through the dating site is better?
mammasita Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Okay. And do you think text or messaging through the dating site is better? Whatever you feel more comfortable doing. I'm leaning more towards a text message since you have his number. I'm getting the feeling though that you set up up your first meeting entirely on the dating site? If you break the ice and send him a text, you can gauge his interest. Additionally you're opening up the lines of communication outside of the dating site which is a good thing.
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Whatever you feel more comfortable doing. I'm leaning more towards a text message since you have his number. I'm getting the feeling though that you set up up your first meeting entirely on the dating site? If you break the ice and send him a text, you can gauge his interest. Additionally you're opening up the lines of communication outside of the dating site which is a good thing. Yep, exactly. He set up the date over the dating site and we made our plans through there too. It'd be nice not to have to login to that site every time I want to message him though.
deathandtaxes Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Bad sign. He's not interested. Interested guys will call or text after a good date and at least say they had a good time, usually followed up asking if you'd like to go out again. The fact that neither of you texted afterwards tells me this thing is dead in the water. So either you TEXT or CALL RIGHT NOW! Or you write this one off.
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Bad sign. He's not interested. Interested guys will call or text after a good date and at least say they had a good time, usually followed up asking if you'd like to go out again. The fact that neither of you texted afterwards tells me this thing is dead in the water. So either you TEXT or CALL RIGHT NOW! Or you write this one off. Well that makes me sad.
deathandtaxes Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Well that makes me sad. Don't be sad. Do something about it. CALL RIGHT NOW and you will have your answer and you will not have to wonder anymore. 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Bad sign. He's not interested. Interested guys will call or text after a good date and at least say they had a good time, usually followed up asking if you'd like to go out again. The fact that neither of you texted afterwards tells me this thing is dead in the water. So either you TEXT or CALL RIGHT NOW! Or you write this one off. You definitely want to text or message him to tell him you had a good time. He might be assuming you didn't actually have a good time since he hasn't heard from you. Also - regarding "the man's job" comment you made earlier - sorry but I think that's just silly. I consider it to be just plain ole' good manners to say thank you / it was nice meeting you, & I hope to do it again. It also makes it clear to him that you're interested. 1
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Okay, I texted him saying thanks for inviting me out!
MixedUpChick Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Okay, I texted him saying thanks for inviting me out! Not trying to split hairs here, but hopefully you said more than that? Something like "Thanks for inviting me out, I had a good time, hope to do it again"? If you just said "Thanks for inviting me out" it doesn't tell him you enjoyed yourself & doesn't indicate interest in getting together again. If he doesn't respond with something more than a "me too" - just keep this in mind with the next guy. 1
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I had almost the exact same scenario as you, and I just ended up texting him after a day to say thanks and hope he's having a nice day. He texted back asking how I was. I answered and haven't heard from him since. Oh well, it was only one date, so I'll move on. I hope your situation turns out better.
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 No, I said thanks and then made a joke (which also doubled as my way of saying I liked him). He told thanked me, said he had a good time, and said we should do it again soon. Then he made another joke back. 3
Author abby_tx Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I had almost the exact same scenario as you, and I just ended up texting him after a day to say thanks and hope he's having a nice day. He texted back asking how I was. I answered and haven't heard from him since. Oh well, it was only one date, so I'll move on. I hope your situation turns out better. I guess I'll find out. This part of dating is always annoying.
Art_Critic Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 What do you do after a good first date? Well.. when I was single I'd go home and have sex.. with myself.. I think you should text the guy, if you are interested then show interest... 1
Author abby_tx Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Well.. when I was single I'd go home and have sex.. with myself.. I think you should text the guy, if you are interested then show interest... I did so. Once I find out my schedule, I'm going to see if he wants to hang out Friday. Am I supposed to text/message him here and there until then or just wait til I know about Friday?
MixedUpChick Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I did so. Once I find out my schedule, I'm going to see if he wants to hang out Friday. Am I supposed to text/message him here and there until then or just wait til I know about Friday? You've let him know you're interested in getting together again, did you two have an agreement that you were supposed to get back to him on Friday, or are you just thinking that would be a good day to do something? If the two of you didn't have any discussion about it yet, just wait to see if he asks you out again. He knows you're interested, now you'll find out if he really is, too - if he asks you out again.
BC1980 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I guess I'll find out. This part of dating is always annoying. It makes me miss having a relationship where I didn't have to worry about games and dating etiquette. 1
Eau Claire Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It need not be annoying if you make yourself clear. So simple. After a date...not 'I enjoyed the evening'...but write 'I enjoy being with you'. Such a huge difference. You have given the guy a clear signal that you would like him to ask you out again. Always, always word your departure, text, etc. with something to indicate that you want to see him again. I always feel sorry for men who went through the stress of asking a woman out initially only to have to go through it a second time with her. 2
pickflicker Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I thank them and tell them I had a nice time, and that I hope to see them again before the end of the date (as we're parting ways). That way, it is up to him to ask me out again. I don't follow-up text. That's their job, they're the guy. 3
Aquanut Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It's interesting how both sides are often left wondering how it went. Why is it so hard for people to tell their dates that they'd like to get together again? Everybody is so afraid of being rejected that they hide their feelings. You cannot have a fulfilling relationship unless you are willing to be a little but vulnerable. Why not start off on the right foot and say you'd like to see them again? Will you be hurt sometimes? Of course you will. After a good date I would tell my date that I enjoyed spending time with her and would like to see her again. Why leave her wondering? I guess I kind of put her on the spot - if she wasn't interested in seeing me again she would have had to reject me or be noncommittal or something. Thankfully I never had that problem- always got a second date when I wanted one. But I'd only ask if we both seemed to have a good time.
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Bad sign. He's not interested. Interested guys will call or text after a good date and at least say they had a good time, usually followed up asking if you'd like to go out again. The fact that neither of you texted afterwards tells me this thing is dead in the water. So either you TEXT or CALL RIGHT NOW! Or you write this one off. This ^^^^ My boyfriend has a short term memory problem due to a brain injury he had in the past, yet even he remembered to text me after our first date to tell me how much he liked it. My boyfriend is just one guy though. He, personally, said he would never go on a date with a women he was into and NOT text her after the date.... It is 2014, and with the various means of communication, MOST men I know DO tend to text a girl after the first date IF they really like her. You're guy COULD be an exception to the rule though! MOST guys do text a girl after a first date IF they are into the girl, however, NOT ALL men behave the same. If you really sensed things went well, text him. You have nothing to lose. There is a SLIM chance he is very interested in you and simply wanted to wait FOR YOU to text HIM. 1
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