solostand Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 MM left yesterday for his two month sojourn down south. He did drop by to say good-bye and I allowed it. No major drama - no tears from me - lots of take care of yourself and be careful kind of crap. Since he did not bring his cell phone on the trip that method of communication is truly looked after. I don't know his wife's cell so will not be calling it in a fit of nostalgia/missing him. The only wild card is the condo where they are staying has a phone with unlimited calling. I don't know the number so I'll just have to ignore any calls coming in with that state's area code. I am very surprised at how untraumatized I feel. I did not cry, not yesterday, not today. Today I found it almost a relief to not be checking my phone all the time, or feeling anxiety because we had plans and what time would he call to confirm them? What if he had to cancel due to some crisis at home, et cetera. Now I can look at my phone just as a phone! My ex-husband came over today and we had a few laughs. He's pretty good at distraction. Anyway, I am not clumped in a swoon thinking how can I live without MM. Hope it lasts. 1
Iguanna Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Solo, last time I heard from you was when you were happily counting the days you could stay away from old MM. What changed in a month?
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Since he did not bring his cell phone on the trip that method of communication is truly looked after. I don't know his wife's cell so will not be calling it in a fit of nostalgia/missing him. Just curious, but are you implying that if you did have her cell number, you'd call or text in a fit of nostalgia/missing him? I hope you get stronger while he's away and really use this time to detach, grieve and let go of him this way when he comes back you'll have some tools and coping skills to stand your ground and keep from continuing the affair.
Author solostand Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 No, I probably wouldn't. But if I was in a state, I would get my friend (who she knows of and is not suspicious of to call him, tell him to call me, and he would call me. Very high school.
glow worm Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I'm just curious about how exactly you left things with your MM. Does he know that you are using this 2 months of separation as a way to detach yourself and end the relationship and that you won't be waiting for him when he returns? And good for you for having the strength to do this. That's awesome.
Iguanna Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 And good for you for having the strength to do this..... .... for the twentieth time. Hope dies last. 2
glow worm Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 .... for the twentieth time. Hope dies last. yes, I do realize this isn't Solo's first attempt to end the relationship. But .... in medical school they taught us that when a patient is trying to stop smoking, to encourage them to never give up no matter how many failed attempts they've had; because with each additional attempt, there is a higher likelihood of success. I've often wondered if the same might apply to attempts to end relationships with MMs/CMs. So I'm just offering support. 5
georgia girl Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Solo, Just my opinion here, but I don't think this is the end for you. Quite frankly, you're not mad or fed up. You want things to change, but you are also somewhat accepting of the fact that he's just gone on a two-month vacation with another woman (his spouse). To me, it looks like you're still very accepting of the relationship boundaries which come with being the other woman. Think of it another way, if you were both single, would you accept your partner going away for two months with another woman? Even if they were just good friends? Until you are truly unhappy in the relationship, I don't see where you have a real impetus to genuinely end it. That's not saying I think it's the best thing for you or that I don't see that you are somewhat dissatisfied. But you are not at the level of unhappy that makes someone leave. In the end, in a relationship - whether its an affair or not - when someone is unhappy enough to walk away, they walk away. And typically, we don't come back. There was enough wrong there to make us leave, we aren't interested in round two. Am I correct? Do you wish you were that unhappy to leave? Do you feel pressured by this forum and your previous posts that you feel you have to leave? Or are you truly ready?
Mount Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am a little confused as I dont go on this website often like before anymore, I thought you already decided to discontine the relationship with the elder MM. No? If you have not ended and still in the R with MM, at least you need you have your whole life, just spare 10~20% time for your MM. MM left yesterday for his two month sojourn down south. He did drop by to say good-bye and I allowed it. No major drama - no tears from me - lots of take care of yourself and be careful kind of crap. Since he did not bring his cell phone on the trip that method of communication is truly looked after. I don't know his wife's cell so will not be calling it in a fit of nostalgia/missing him. The only wild card is the condo where they are staying has a phone with unlimited calling. I don't know the number so I'll just have to ignore any calls coming in with that state's area code. I am very surprised at how untraumatized I feel. I did not cry, not yesterday, not today. Today I found it almost a relief to not be checking my phone all the time, or feeling anxiety because we had plans and what time would he call to confirm them? What if he had to cancel due to some crisis at home, et cetera. Now I can look at my phone just as a phone! My ex-husband came over today and we had a few laughs. He's pretty good at distraction. Anyway, I am not clumped in a swoon thinking how can I live without MM. Hope it lasts.
BrokenPrincess Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 So did he say he'd be in touch at some point while he's give (did he last year using the landline or email or whatever?) Or was it goodbye, talk to you in 2 months?
Owl Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 OK...he left. So...did you tell him it was over, and that he's not to contact you at all while he's gone, nor when he comes back? Do you plan on changing your cell phone number this week so that he can't call you while he's gone? Blocked his email/IMs? What are you DOING to end it? Passively sitting there is not DOING anything. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Solo, I wonder how you're doing today? Is your R with your exH such that you can be in touch with him when you may feel the need during the coming weeks? And will he check on you from time to time? I hope so! I know that we are strangers here on this LS board but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and all you're going through, wishing good things for you today and you are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself! And let us know how you are when you're ready to post! It would be good to hear from you even if you don't give an update on the travelin' man and/or anything about him. YOU are the one we all care about! We are on your side and want the best for you! ((((Solostand)))) 1
Author solostand Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks to those of you who have offered support. I really appreciate it. Today is day three I guess and still no trauma or tears. I spent yesterday with my ex. We didn't talk about the A much but we had a good time together. What I can't believe is the new lack of anxiety I feel. I used to wake up feeling anxious (what time will he call, is he coming in town like he said he was?) I don't have to watch the phone (right now the ringer is off). The only communication we had was the phone, he does not know email. Not worried about a Dday and her calling or showing up at my door. He was kind of nervous spending five days in a car with her because they were driving - but that's his problem not mine. Now for those who think I am trying to avoid questions. How did we get together in December? Well to make a very long story short, I had my most profound depression at Christmas (always do) I would not answer my phone, my door, or email. My son, who had travelled 1,200 miles home for Christmas, was very worried. My son has several families here - his late father's family always make a big deal of him as does my ex-husband who considers himself a second father. Anyway my son got in cahoots with a friend who is also a cousin and knows all about MM so she gave my son his cell number and brought him over. I let them in. MM was very good about talking to me. He did help a lot. Now as to what went down on the day he left - not what most of you wanted I suppose. It went awry when he brought me flowers, a birthday card and a birthday present because he won't be here on my birthday. So he sat on the couch and I sat on the chair and we had a long talk. I told him this trip is turning a page in my book. He understood. There were double declarations of love. He expressed an opinion that he has made me too dependant on him, inadvertantly. I agreed and stated my goals when he left. He said "you occupy a lot of room in my head" and said there would not be a day that he wouldn't think of me.
Author solostand Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 One more thing: I don't have to shave my legs every day! At least until I find a new relationship. 1
Owl Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 So do you plan on taking action to PREVENT further contact now that you're at this turning point?
Author solostand Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I do not want to change my phone number because it would be too complicated - all my business associates have it. Yesterday I looked into blocking numbers but my plan does not allow me to block numbers. However, the only number that I know will be him will have a United States area code. I do not plan to answer. In fact, I have taken to turning my phone off completely because I don't want to see that call coming in. People can leave messages. I don't know what's up with me but I am not suffering at all from the loss. Maybe that will come later? Last year when he went south (they are what's called snowbirds) I freaked! Almost lost my mind. Made my friend phone him up to tell him to call me and phoned the wife's phone constantly. He said I almost gave him a stroke with some problem I was crying about which he could not fix because he was 1000 miles away. This year, I just don't care. My headspace is becoming free and I actually am pursuing other interests.
Speakingofwhich Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 This year, I just don't care. My headspace is becoming free and I actually am pursuing other interests. Great to read this, Solo!!!!
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Then change your phone plan, what's a few more bucks to your bill a month for blocking him? Really it'll be worth it.
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