winny Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Went on 2 dates with a guy recently... first one we talked a lot n then he kissed me a bit n held me in his arms for a while when he dropped me home... second was a movie date n he held my hand throughout the movie n we kissed few times... he held my hand when we walked out of the theatre and put his arms around my shoulders while we walked to the car. Later he dropped me home n said he had a good time n we kissed again in the car... only on mouth... we started talking n I told him about my best friends... he was very attentive and laughed n gave his comments... Then he asked me what I thought about him... I just smiled shyly... so he left it that that... When he kissed me again, I asked him what is he doing on Sunday (i.e. today) n he asked - is there something you wanted to do... I said... I have not thought of but yes would like to do something... he said Ok I will give you a call. I said ok. First date - Wednesday Second - Friday Conversation on the two dates have been easy and light... Yesterday was the first time I initiated text with him... he was working so - Me - Don't work too hard! He - I already want to leave. It is nice outside. Me - I have been thinking about u Have not heard from him since then. I have known him little more than a week and he is not much of a texter. Only texts to fix plans or ask how was my day. Which is fine with me. I have decided not to text him till he gets back to me... What I understood was he was going to call me today... Hope that is the right thing to do... Comments, thoughts?
Author winny Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Yes I am trying to be patient n keep myself busy And I want him to pursue me but it is difficult to think positive 1
Eau Claire Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Your last text message is such a good step to take. It gives a man confidence to ask you out. It is now up to him. Too often we women don't give a short clear goodbye sentence such as 'I had a good time. I like being with you'...or a text like you sent. A man is looking or a signal. We are all rooting for you. Keep smiling. 3
Author winny Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Your last text message is such a good step to take. It gives a man confidence to ask you out. It is now up to him. Too often we women don't give a short clear goodbye sentence such as 'I had a good time. I like being with you'...or a text like you sent. A man is looking or a signal. We are all rooting for you. Keep smiling. Thanks u are sweet I will update this thread if I hear back from him or what eft happens .. 1
Author winny Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 He texted me - I am thinking about you. I replied - That gives me butterflies in my stomach.. LOL ;-) Now again silence from him... Thinking whether I should ask him how his day was... or should I wait till he texts next... 1
Versacehottie Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 He texted me - I am thinking about you. I replied - That gives me butterflies in my stomach.. LOL ;-) Now again silence from him... Thinking whether I should ask him how his day was... or should I wait till he texts next... hi winny! happy for you. be patient though. DEFINITELY wait until he responds. Give him the time and space to want you. He shouldn't be SO SURE that you will be his. He needs to put in the work and you need to see what he really has to offer. You should still be deciding and he should feel that a little. Fill your time with other stuff. good luck! 5
Author winny Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 hi winny! happy for you. be patient though. DEFINITELY wait until he responds. Give him the time and space to want you. He shouldn't be SO SURE that you will be his. He needs to put in the work and you need to see what he really has to offer. You should still be deciding and he should feel that a little. Fill your time with other stuff. good luck! Thank you for these golden words... I was thinking of reminding him that I wanted to meet him today... And he had said he will call... But I will wait now... I have shown him thru my words that I am still interested so as a guy he should take initiative of asking me out again if he likes me
Versacehottie Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Thank you for these golden words... I was thinking of reminding him that I wanted to meet him today... And he had said he will call... But I will wait now... I have shown him thru my words that I am still interested so as a guy he should take initiative of asking me out again if he likes me Even more so if he said he would call. It's not only that he should take the initiative but also that you have to give him a chance to follow through on his promises. If he doesn't, you didn't really have his attention to begin with or could probably never meet your standards for acceptable dating behavior. You don't want to be an after thought. Don't do the "work" for him on his promises and offers--it will just be a short term victory if you do (like getting to see him). If you jump the gun and reach out to him before he has a chance to reach out to you, then you become an obligation and annoyance rather than something he wants. Sometimes guys don't always get it right and will mess up in order to test you. You just have to wait it out and play it cool as a cucumber. Patience is your friend.
Author winny Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Even more so if he said he would call. It's not only that he should take the initiative but also that you have to give him a chance to follow through on his promises. If he doesn't, you didn't really have his attention to begin with or could probably never meet your standards for acceptable dating behavior. You don't want to be an after thought. Don't do the "work" for him on his promises and offers--it will just be a short term victory if you do (like getting to see him). If you jump the gun and reach out to him before he has a chance to reach out to you, then you become an obligation and annoyance rather than something he wants. Sometimes guys don't always get it right and will mess up in order to test you. You just have to wait it out and play it cool as a cucumber. Patience is your friend. I have promised myself to be the most patient person ever, while dealing with such situations. In the past, maybe because I was too inexperienced, I would always follow thru... (also I kind of thought, who cares who followed up as long as we are meeting, am just showing my interest) or reach out first or initiate conversations... and you are right that it worked out on that particular day... But the power just somehow got shifted more towards him in this process and thats how the relationship started falling apart even before it started. Caused so much confusion and anxiety and endless waiting for calls/messages... Sucked! I have done this 3-4 times already (whenever I got attracted to someone) in the past few years. It never worked. So I will do it different this time. I have told myself I will never put myself in that misery and pain n tears that I did in past over worthless guys... This guy definitely has potential... and maybe he IS testing me who knows... LOL... But am just gonna wait n watch... And also the other thing I have realized in past few months of dating is that there are always better guys waiting round the corner so there is nothing to panic if a seemingly great guy ignores you Really need to let go of anyone who doesn't treat you well... and have faith that someone better is out there. I won't say this is being easy for me... but I somehow feeling at peace And when you guys guide me and tell me I am doing right it makes me feel better n keeps me in the right path Anyways lets see how this goes... he has all the space and time he needs We will come to know if he was actually thinking of me or not eventually ;-) Will keep the forum posted
Author winny Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Sometime back I got a text from him. He - How was your day? 10 mins later... Me - Hello :-) It was good. Attended meetings and wrote emails and preparing for tomorrow's meetings now. How was your day? 10 mins later... He - It was okay. Nothing special happened. 5 mins later... Me - Aww Let me send u a virtual hug n hope that makes it bit special ;-) Silence after that... LOL From the day he contacted me, he is like this in texting. In person he is so warm and funny... his texts are so bland and short and few... I had almost decided not to meet him becoz he said "K" instead of "Okay" and "Night" instead of "Good Night". Is he kind of playing some game or just being a typical guy?
Versacehottie Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Sometime back I got a text from him. He - How was your day? 10 mins later... Me - Hello :-) It was good. Attended meetings and wrote emails and preparing for tomorrow's meetings now. How was your day? 10 mins later... He - It was okay. Nothing special happened. 5 mins later... Me - Aww Let me send u a virtual hug n hope that makes it bit special ;-) Silence after that... LOL From the day he contacted me, he is like this in texting. In person he is so warm and funny... his texts are so bland and short and few... I had almost decided not to meet him becoz he said "K" instead of "Okay" and "Night" instead of "Good Night". Is he kind of playing some game or just being a typical guy? Ok, here's how I read what he is doing here. He likes you enough at this point that he is thinking of you. However, he is either not trying very hard or doesn't have much experience with dating OR BOTH--as well as not a great texter. It's fine if he is not great at texting. If you move forward with him, you will just find a way around that. Lower your expectations though with him texting because they just may never be good. I'm always amazed at how guys can be pretty succinct and find a way to shorten everything and yet still be darn clear. It is a talent--why say "ok" when "k" will convey same thing. Basically, I think some guys are more into doing--they will make arrangements via text or say they are running late etc but not much else. One thing you can do is seeing if talking on the phone works--i do think that it essential that you get him to think taking on the phone was his idea. We can deal with that part later. More importantly, I would be dealing with the "it was okay. nothing special happened". Here's my general feeling--people worth dating at the beginning stages put their best foot forward. So I see this text as a bit lame--very ho-hum, bordering on coming off as depressive and bored. He is not particularly trying to engage you or impress you. There is a smaller chance that he feels comfortable enough to be honest and real with you and that's just how his day was. That's still a bit worrying because at this point even if you ARE a supportive, nice person, he shouldn't be only looking for support and not disappear when that's what you gave him. Basically, I think there's risk in being too nice. And if you really are, it's a struggle to go against your natural instincts to make the person earn a place in your life. It's not about getting mad or playing games on your end even if it seems like that's what i'm advocating. What I am saying is that you have to value yourself enough to decide that what he is offering is not good enough for you. It doesn't have to be all black & white and final and everlasting. Hmmm, for example, if you were bored by that text, as it sounds like you were, well then don't jump from A to Z with the nice virtual hug comment. He is still only at A or B. I think people value what they earn if he has to up his game to get your attention (which he didn't really have to do) then the whole interaction is better for both of you. The chase is there for a reason. Both people need it really. Don't give him girlfriend behavior when you haven't decided that you want to be his girlfriend yet. And he should feel that you are still deciding. Your nice text gives him the assurance that you are THERE no matter what. Not challenging enough. I think if he is warm & funny (nice!) well then you should probably tease him & give him a little sh*t. It's a way to give someone attention BUT not be overly fawning & putting them on a pedestal. Equals that playing field a bit. I wouldn't contact him--let him come to you. Definitely make him chase you more. But when he does contact you, be happy, pleasant, enjoyable self--present your best self. And be cool. He should be wondering if other guys take you out too. The more comfortable and non-committal you are yourself the more he will wonder--do other guys take her out too, why can't I pin her down. Don't show commitment to him before he offers some as well. Good luck! I will be looking for your updates. 1
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