NorthMeetsSouth Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Sorry if this has been addressed elsewhere but I'm new here. I just needed input from people who don't know either me or J. At the end of May 2013 J & I started talking online. A week later we met & really hit it off. We hung out 3 more times before I left Texas to go back to Minnesota for the summer. (We met up at a bar the first time, he took me to a movie the 2nd time, we hung out at my place all day the 3rd time, & I hung out at his place the next day & spent the night) Before I left he asked if I was still going to talk to him while I was gone & I said I was. We instantly clicked & talked every day from the first day we started talking. He would call me at least every other day while I was gone & we would talk off and on through text every day. I went back down to Texas for a week during the summer where we spent every day he wasn't working together. I went back to MN & the same continued. I came back down in August & within a month I broke up with him. He had started getting distant off & on and I finally couldn't take it anymore. We had a long conversation the night I ended it about what was going on between us & how he wasn't ready. He had gotten out of a 6.5 year relationship like 3 months before we started dating. He said that he felt we were getting to serious too fast and he just wasn't ready for that yet, that he really liked me and that he knew everything was pretty much perfect between us, that he had even talked to guys at work about me asking them for advice (they all told him to stop being stupid not to screw it up...). For the next month we hardly talked at all. We would text maybe once a week or so until I needed a favor from him desperately. He saved the day (my car had died) took me out to dinner & then we had a talk about what happened & I found out that he had started seeing a girl a 2 or 3 weeks after we broke up. After that night though we started hanging out every other week. He dropped me off & picked me up from the airport when I flew home for Thanksgiving. At some point while I was back in MN he broke up with new girl. The night he picked me up we stayed up talking & watching TV/Movies until 4 in the morning. I spent the night & we had sex for the first time since before we broke up. He got a little weird until we had a conversation a few days later on exactly what we were looking for. He had assumed that I was ready for the whole next step of a house, marriage, & kids. I told him that I wasn't ready for that...that I thought we should just date & see where things go from there. We hung out at least once a week for the next few weeks before he once again dropped me off & picked me up from the airport for Christmas. Since then we've hung out at least once a week. We go out to dinner, movies, etc or sometimes we just watch TV at someone's house. Whenever we do go out he always pays still & makes sure to get the door for me & all that stuff. We didn't have sex again until about a week & a half ago. But in that week & a half we've had sex multiple times & slept over at each other's houses multiple times. I just don't understand what is going on here. I know he's still on the site that we met on (we both are...however I'm not really talking to anyone I usually just go on there to delete emails or whatever & see that he's on...a lot) I know we agreed to just slowly date so him talking to other girls shouldn't be a completely big deal but it does bother me sometimes. I know he's not seeing anyone else because as a general rule if he's not at work we're hanging out... He's just so hot & cold. One minute it's exactly like we were when we were an actual official couple & the other I feel like he's being short/distant. I am sick of people asking what we are. Which one of us is being delusional?? How do you know if you're dating or just FWB?? Sorry that's long winded...sadly that's still the short version.
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If you are not monogamous & he's still active on the dating website, I suppose you could be dating. At the very least you are FWB but you certainly aren't an established couple. If you want things to change, you have to change them. If you want to date exclusively tell him that. Be prepared to walk away when he tells you that is not what he wants.
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