SadNLonley Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Its been 9 weeks since we spoke last, but I found myself wanting him to be the first to call when I had a stressful moment. I had to take my son to the ER when strep was getting worse. We found out strep caused an abscess in his throat and it AND his tonsils needed to be removed right away. Not that it was a serious issue, but here I was at the hospital and panicking and needing to talk to someone. He was the first I thought of to come and be by my side. It almost made me cry when I caught myself almost calling him. To top that off, my ex husband shows up with his GF. I felt even lonelier and a total loser that he was there with support and I had no one. I wish I knew when these feeling of him still being in my life will go away. I hate that he is still the 1st person I want to run to when I have problems or exciting news.
True Gent Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I feel for you, you aren't alone. Take some comfort in the fact many people are feeling the same way you are. I'm fresh out of a 9 year relationship and it isn't through choice. When they are your best friend it is very hard not having them to lean on anymore. Turning to other family and friends does help, but it's never the same. Don't give up hope for a brighter future.
Author SadNLonley Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I know just how you feel. For the past x years you called them the minute anything was going on or you needed help. Now they are gone and we have to learn to deal with these things in a different way. I had to go to the hospital because I thought I was having an allergic reaction to some meds. I literally thought my throat was closing and I was going to die. Yet there I was in the ER all alone... nobody even knew I was there. I like to think these moments make us stronger, but I'm not sure. Edit: Oh, and 9 weeks is nothing you need to hit the 6 month range then it is all a faint memory. First, let me say, Im sorry you were all alone in that situation. I can only imagine how you were feeling. As for 9 weeks, that just NC. The BU was 7 months ago. I still think in my head (i know its not right) he is mine, and he will be my future. He has done nothing to make me hold onto this hope, but I cant help it. Its still there. I can't imagine growing old with anyone else at this point.
JDPT Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I was once told: "you could be diagnosed with terminal cancer and that still wouldn't be a reason to contact her...." Internalizing this concept made me realize that no, I was not alone but I simply no longer needed to contact this person for support. My ex no longer existed. What worked in my favor was the fact that I was the provided in the relationship, meaning I provided all the emotional, physical, and financial support never asking anything in return. I'm very sorry to hear your little guy is going through some medical issues and do realize the support you need as well. However, understand that your kid is all that matters from this point forward. And you must find your inner strength to propel yourself through adversity that life decided to throw at you. 3
AnyaNova Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Its been 9 weeks since we spoke last, but I found myself wanting him to be the first to call when I had a stressful moment. I had to take my son to the ER when strep was getting worse. We found out strep caused an abscess in his throat and it AND his tonsils needed to be removed right away. Not that it was a serious issue, but here I was at the hospital and panicking and needing to talk to someone. He was the first I thought of to come and be by my side. It almost made me cry when I caught myself almost calling him. To top that off, my ex husband shows up with his GF. I felt even lonelier and a total loser that he was there with support and I had no one. I wish I knew when these feeling of him still being in my life will go away. I hate that he is still the 1st person I want to run to when I have problems or exciting news. This is entirely normal. It is something that you might want to plan for and have recourse for lest something happen again. Do you have any family or friends that you could have called so you didn't have to be there alone? If not, try to work on your social support elsewhere. And eventually, you will find another or several primary contact people. Now when something good happens I can think of people that I want to tell first, and my ex is no longer the first one I want to tell. But stressful events often can induce us to want the ex. The emotional support and the physical comfort. I call it the "candy bar effect." Your ex is the candy bar. The rest should be self explanatory. Take care of yourself. It sounds like you are doing the right things. 1
Author SadNLonley Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Thank goodness my sister came up to sit with me during the surgery. It really was helpful. Its just sad that he was the one I wanted there. It was also a reprieve from the ache I have in my heart for him because after that feeling of being alone, I was more worried about my son and didnt think of him.
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