whattod Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Hi - I will keep this as short and sweet as possible. Basically I saw an ex of mine which I dated when we were at high school (17 or so). We split up (I cheated) and I found someone else - while I was in the relationship I cheated on her with my original gf. So that is the history. Today 12 yrs on I am now married (new person from the above) for 2 years but have been together since 2006. Anyway I saw my ex the other day (first girl when I was 17) and I felt really strange and things were bugging me and I don't know why. I am friends with her on FB and messaged her to say hi - I saw you the other day etc.. We have since exchanged a few messages about some fun times and good memories and it has got me confused. Are these feelings normal and people experience this everyday? She is also with someone else now which I am happy for her. Trouble is I can't block her from my mind. I wondered if it was a guilt things that I cheated on her many years ago. All a bit bizarre for me. Does anyone have any recommendations or experienced similar? Please let me know, I obviously love my wife dearly and we have so many plans but what has recently happened is so unexpected and don't know what to do as I have never really experienced this before, additionally why after seeing her after 12 years does this happen. Also the fact she is sending me messages about the past and what we shared scares me a little too. Thank you all in advance.
Author whattod Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Thanks, I agree with what you are saying however I wonder if you can help with the psychological stuff and why l am feeling this way. I know men and women behave differently and have varying intentions but I could really do with some help to work this out. Or if anyone has experienced something similar please share with me. Thank you all again.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 So many years, yet those feelings are back confusing you? Delete her and cut her out of your life. She hasn't BEEN in your life for years. Focus on your wife, and if you ever think of your ex, remember why you two broke up and how chances are she is not the person she is when you were with her years ago. The memories and feelings are based in the past, and fantasy like. Kill the fantasy and let go. Life goes on, you both are married and it's wise to make yourself forget all about her. No good can come of this! I mean, are you willing to lose everything in your life now?
lucy_in_disguise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Thanks, I agree with what you are saying however I wonder if you can help with the psychological stuff and why l am feeling this way. I know men and women behave differently and have varying intentions but I could really do with some help to work this out. Or if anyone has experienced something similar please share with me. Thank you all again. It's simple really. People rarely forget their firsts. Teenage emotion is pretty powerful stuff, and seeing your ex brought all that back. I would venture to say it's normal you are feeling this way. Seeing as how you're married, I would focus on your wife. I would defriend the ex if I were you, and let time do its trick. 1
Author whattod Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Thanks guys, I am doing a little better however she messaged me after I assume a few drinks and said #donthatetheplayer. What on earth does this mean, it is really starting to bug me as you can imagine. ....Please help!!
MissBee Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Are you unhappy in your life/marriage in any way? As it is quite common that if people are bored/not addressing things in their life, when an old ex pops up and it reminds them of former free and fun times they get preoccupied with this person and the feeling of excitement at a possible rekindled love interest and then before you know it are in the throes of an affair convinced it is because this person is their "real soulmate" who got away. Majority of the time the reality isn't that romantic at all, but rather, that they're using this as an escape from boredom or issues in their life. The "rekindled FB affair" is quite cliched and common these days. Please introspect and try to figure out if you're currently dissatisfied or something hence these feelings. Maybe you should share the feelings with your wife and ask her input. But whatever you do, please stop speaking to this woman and stop reading into her messages...you're already sounding like someone in an emotional affair.
Author whattod Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Thank you and I appreciate what you are saying. I am very happily married I have to say, the trouble is I am easily influenced and generally weak as a man. I have never cheated on my wife and it is not on my agenda to do so. However, this doesn't mean to say that my mind does not drift (which I hate myself for). She may well be playing mind games, capitalising where I am weak! What is this #donthatetheplayer business?
newmoon Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 a happily married man doesn't go looking for trouble. there is something you want that the wife isn't providing and this woman comes along and provides an opportunity for you to fantasize or whatever. you're already using your own weakness as an excuse. just delete/unfriend her, super easy solution. 1
melell Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 uh oh. Defriend, NC. Get off facebook. This is a joke right?
MissBee Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Thank you and I appreciate what you are saying. I am very happily married I have to say, the trouble is I am easily influenced and generally weak as a man. I have never cheated on my wife and it is not on my agenda to do so. However, this doesn't mean to say that my mind does not drift (which I hate myself for). She may well be playing mind games, capitalising where I am weak! What is this #donthatetheplayer business? What do you mean you're weak as a man? I don't think it means anything serious. You could simply ask her. But I think you should avoid speaking with this woman esp since you're admittedly weak.
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