hkh8871 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We are long distance for 6 months of the year and 6 months we're together almost every day. He comes to visit me so we don't go more than 2 months without each other in 6 months. Our long distance is working out quite well and for the most part we get along swimmingly (occasional fights and one REAALLLYYYYY bad rough patch that we ended up working through together). I'm happy with the relationship- it's a very mature, responsible relationship and generally stable. The one thing that is a source of constant worry and doubt for me is his ex. He was with her for 3 years and was MADLYYY in love with her supposedly. He tends to not talk about her in detail, but he does talk about her to his friend that knew her. Their break up was horrible and he chased for a year until he finally gave up. About a year after that, he met me and we started dating. In the whole year we've been together he's never said "i love you". Occasionally he'll call me his love and stuff, but never the "i love you", even though one time in a fight i had told him i was in love with him. It really worries me that he is still in love with her and he's only with me as a distraction or something. It's awkward to figure out because I don't really have any evidence that that's the case except my feelings. I'm just wondering if this is something I should act on or just move forward. Isn't it weird that he hasn't said I love you? 1
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 How old are you guys? If you have been together for a year & feel that you love him, tell him. If he doesn't say it back after a while, talk to him.
carhill Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Hah, good memory on this topic... Had a somewhat similar type LDR, though of shorter duration, and my memory of first saying 'I love you' was, one trip, upon leaving Odessa by train, with our hands pressed against the glass of the sleeping compartment, me saying 'I love you' and she saying 'Я люблю тебя'. They say life is full of memories and it's the little things that end up standing out. That particular memory was after a month or so of constant contact and the lady, regretfully, was the one who 'got away', reflecting on the totality of my life's relationships and marriage. Given your circumstances, it appears his attention is still clouded by his ex so, to me, timing is off for a positive 'connection'. He's danced around the issue for a long time and apparently with no good reason relevant to your own relationship other than his own feelings and/or communication style. If it works, it works. If not, and it appears 'not' is gaining ground here, then not. Good luck.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 My partner said it after our first or second visit, I was quite taken aback, he said it before me, he seemed to get attached to me more quickly than I did to him. Now he never says it unless I say it first, he's not the most expressive of people. I only say it now and again, don't feel the need to say it all the time. Some people never say it I guess, or some people might take a long time to say it, and some say it early on.
Art_Critic Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I think you say 'ILY' to someone when you feel it and not a moment sooner or a moment later... A person you love should always know how you feel...
Recommended Posts