ikilledacockroach Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Sorry, just needed to vent! Writing this kept me from contacting my ex so that's a plus! NC Day 2 and it's been hard but I'm keeping my head up! I need to stop telling myself that you will come back because I know you won’t. You chose to walk out on me and our relationship and that just proves that you never really loved me anyway. You made the decision to leave and start over without me so you can’t take it back and expect me to still be there for you if and when it suits you. I don’t want your excuses and your ‘I still think of you as my best friend’ lines and I don’t want your bull**** about coming up to visit me because I know you’re only saying that so you feel less guilty. I don’t need your pity or your sympathy. I don’t need someone who would tell me not to embarrass them in front of their friends (because come to think of it how was I the embarrassing one when you were the one who would keep drinking and drinking just to make sure that you fit in?) or that they didn’t like spending time with me or that I put them off having sex. I don’t need someone who thought that the opinions and feelings of people that you barely knew were more important than mine and how I tried and tried to help you but you just threw it all back in my face. I loved you and you took it for granted and instead chose to run away from our problems like a coward. You can have everything you’ve ever given me back and I hope you have fun on that lovely holiday you planned for the both of us! Deep down I know you’re a good person and we probably rushed into things. But that is still no excuse for how you have chosen to treat me for the past month and made me feel like I was worth nothing and that you were ashamed of me. You strung me along the past few weeks, being sweet one minute then cold and distant the next and chose to lay all the blame on me when I had finally had enough of the cold shouldering and constant drinking, claiming that I had broken up with you weeks ago (how would I have done that without even knowing?) and just waiting for the moment when I snapped and you could finally just up and leave. You’ve hurt me so much and I just wish you could feel just a tiny bit of that pain. So you can have your week to think, in fact you can have all the time in the world to think because I am not sitting around putting my life on hold for an ‘I might realize I’ve made a mistake’. You might never realize you made a mistake but that’s okay because your loss is my gain and no matter what I deserve better than being treated like this. I do want to thank you though. I want to thank you for opening my eyes and making me see that I can’t base all my happiness on one person and that if I truly want to be happy, it starts right here, right now and I am the only one who can do it. Thank you for helping me realize that I don’t need you to make me feel safe and wanted. Thank you for showing me that you were not someone that I could count on, you wouldn’t even give me the time of day when I was heartbroken and sobbing in front of you. Thank you for showing me what I wouldn’t want in any future relationship. Thank you for breaking me down so I could re-emerge an even stronger person than before and finally stand on my own two feet. Take care of yourself and I hope you have a good life. 3
David87 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You are at day two of NC and you are thinking of breaking it, .Keep the letter for yourself.
Haydn Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Good that you had the good sense to post here first. Well done friend. Keep doing this. 1
pickflicker Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Write as many of these as you need to, just don't send them. 1
Author ikilledacockroach Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Haha yes that is what I have planned to do should I ever feel the need to get in touch with him! First things first is some redecorating as we lived together! At least it's an excuse to get some nice new things 1
somecamel Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 What a great letter. Don't send it now, give yourself some more time to look at things. I think it's great how you have put all your feelings into some great words, I can relate with a lot of what you said, I'm 10 days into NC now and putting my lie together:) Good luck, I wish you the best:) 1
Carly Lou Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I might do the same, writing everything down that's swimming in my head helps I find. Take care x 1
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