Girlfriend wants a break but I'm terrified

[Nickyg]

Hi, it's a long story so please bear with me on this one. Ive been dating a girl for 7 months now and although not a very long relationship, it is definitely been good and she's an awesome significant other. She said she's never cheated on any boyfriend and feels like no one deserves that even after I told her I've cheated on one girlfriend to be honest with each other. To cut it to the time frame now, we're both in college and she's 21 andim 20. This past weekend she went out with some friends and they had some friends from another school visiting. When I saw her Tuesday, she was talking on and on about her friends bf that treats her badly and is immature towards the relationship. She asked me what my definition of cheating was as it pertained to how her friend set boundaries with her bf. I told her emotional cheating and physical cheating are the same and she agreed and said that she didn't know if being nice two someone was cheating (ie getting lunch for a friend of the opposite sex) since her friends bf did exactly that for a friend and she accused him of cheating. I felt uneasy with the conversation but she told me it was good to set specific boundaries. That night she went to go study with that friend and a guy friend of this girl. Her friend left after a bit so it was just the two of them studying and she told me she'd be late coming back to my place cause she'd be studying for a quiz she just found out about. I said okay and that night she talked about the guy for 5-10 minutes. It made me uneasy, but I'm aware of how big of a deal making friends is to her since she has such a small, tight-knit group of friends and letting any in is hard for her and she said he was cool. She asked me if hanging out with him would make me uncomfortable and that she'd find ways to be friends with him while making me as comfortable as possible. I just said it's fine, I trust her. The next day she asked me to come study with her and said I just want to see if we can study together (since we've never done that) and we studied and got some good conversation in as well. We were supposed to hangout that evening, but she bailed on me and didn't call or anything and I got furious (I quit smoking so it made it even harder to not be) and my mind raced. She called me the next day apologizing profusely and told me she got food poisoning from the restaurant and got a ride home from a roommate. She invited me to meet her family (first time thing for us) but I kind of ignored it and asked her about this guy. She told me about it saying he's just friends with her and she wants to be able to have fiends of either sex. I then asked if she was interested, and she got so offended. She told me she thinks he's a cool guy and he respects that she has a bf and she's said that she and I are good and everything. She got very upset with me, since it was the 3rd time I've gotten jealous about other guys. She told me she's tired if me being so angry and jealous of other guys and that she feels like I don't trust her to make the right decisions. She asked me to come over after a day of not talking. She said she needs a break cause she can't date a jealous guy right now. She talked to her parents about it and apparently they have her this advice to take time away from me. She said it's her fault that she acts the way she does since it's become an innate habit to "play jealousy mind games" she developed from a 4-year toxic relationship built on jealousy and him cheating on her. She said she feels like my jealousy will just make the problems worse and will lead to a toxic relationship. She cried for the first time in front of me, and I'm talking UGLY cry snot and all and gave me the option of a break or breakup saying she doesn't want me to feel tied down while she finds herself and says I'm free to meet other people and do as I please. I asked her why and she said it's so she's aware that it's a possibility and that she's prefer to tell me I can so if it happens and we talk again, she won't be surprised or hurt (I feel like it's a trap though!!). She said the more we talk the more she just wants to forget the problems and move on, although she knows that'll just lead us to the same problems we're having. She said she still loves me and doesn't want to do this, but knows it's best. I asked her if the break was a false sense of hope for me and she said "I don't know what kind of person you think I can, but I really want a healthy relationship with you and I need time to figure out if we can have one and if you're there, I can't make that decision properly cause if we talk often and/or still are together, it'll sway me to just forget the problems and stay." I agreed and told her to talk to me when she's ready. I've never seen a girl cry so much and so hard, but I can't help but think this break has to do with the other guy (he's not attractive and I don't think a few days of knowing him would make her act that way about him). I'm insecure as hell, and I just feel like she's comparing us for some reason and is interested in him. Idk why. They texted for a little but it didn't seem like it was anything too serious or long, she has a right to text her friends. I feel so weird about it, I can't tell if she's sincere or if there's more to it than I know. Any help is greatly appreciated. Maybe it's my jealousy continuing to play out, but I need honest opinions. Thanks

Edited January 26, 2014 by Nickyg

[David87]

Accept that, don't be clingy. Trust me you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

If she wants to bail let her do that.

[somecamel]

I think you know what this is, and it's time to say goodbye I'm afraid my friend.

 

The first love is always the hardest to get over but it does get easier I promise you)

 

Get out there, have some fun:)

[David87]

Good thing you joined LS, you will learn so much from this nice people who been in your shoes, some of us not just once. I promise you that in a couple of months you will be a different person, much stronger .