fixing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You simply would not be human if you were not feeling down and lonely! You've got an unwelcomed hitch-hiker with you at the moment (The Pain), but remember, he will be getting off sometime soon and you will come to a roundabout with many many different roads to pick from. Stay strong and remember to love yourself. Dont let your self esteem fall to an all time low, because in cases like yours, it is bound to have hurt your confidence. Keep reading over and over the advice in this thread and i promise, with no contact the bulk of the heartbreak will be over in a few months. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Yea I ate half of it. But i ate. And now even though I feel tired and sleepy , i cant. im scared to sleep. Dont want to get up feeling like a mess like i did yesterday
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 You simply would not be human if you were not feeling down and lonely! You've got an unwelcomed hitch-hiker with you at the moment (The Pain), but remember, he will be getting off sometime soon and you will come to a roundabout with many many different roads to pick from. Stay strong and remember to love yourself. Dont let your self esteem fall to an all time low, because in cases like yours, it is bound to have hurt your confidence. Keep reading over and over the advice in this thread and i promise, with no contact the bulk of the heartbreak will be over in a few months. you put it up just the right way! thanks. 1
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yea I ate half of it. But i ate. And now even though I feel tired and sleepy , i cant. im scared to sleep. Dont want to get up feeling like a mess like i did yesterday Yes, as long as you eat. And try to drink fluids. Keep your body hydrated. When you get a headache from crying it is because your body is telling you it's dehydrated. If you can, go for a walk. Get outside and you will find the fresh air and your surroundings can be a good distraction. I always felt hopeful when I would take a drive through the countryside. As if there was life beyond this and I was going to get there. Being in a closed up room/house made me dwell on my pain. I know. I was afraid to sleep as well because the moment I opened my eyes, the pain was too intense. Like a slow dawning and then the realization as I opened my eyes. Yuck! I can almost feel it as I think about it now! Ugh. That was the worst part for me. The mornings were the hardest. But you will have to sleep at some point, Bubble. You need to rest. When you wake and you feel that way, quickly rise and go and do something. When I would wake, I would jump out of bed, turn on my motivational CD loudly, get in the shower and start moving. It helped me cut those bad feelings that would creep up on me at the knees. And the motivational/spiritual CD would inspire me and provide me the affirmations to feel positive to face a new day. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I forgot to mention one thing. He even said he didnt feel like talking to me in the past few days. I just remembered now! & now i cant stop crying because of what he said. Here I was sufferimg and there he wa hppy and not caring.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Yes, as long as you eat. And try to drink fluids. Keep your body hydrated. When you get a headache from crying it is because your body is telling you it's dehydrated. If you can, go for a walk. Get outside and you will find the fresh air and your surroundings can be a good distraction. I always felt hopeful when I would take a drive through the countryside. As if there was life beyond this and I was going to get there. Being in a closed up room/house made me dwell on my pain. I know. I was afraid to sleep as well because the moment I opened my eyes, the pain was too intense. Like a slow dawning and then the realization as I opened my eyes. Yuck! I can almost feel it as I think about it now! Ugh. That was the worst part for me. The mornings were the hardest. But you will have to sleep at some point, Bubble. You need to rest. When you wake and you feel that way, quickly rise and go and do something. When I would wake, I would jump out of bed, turn on my motivational CD loudly, get in the shower and start moving. It helped me cut those bad feelings that would creep up on me at the knees. And the motivational/spiritual CD would inspire me and provide me the affirmations to feel positive to face a new day. Exactly my feelings. I know i need sleep. I usually cry to sleep. And wake up sobbing. Its normal but then I dont get up from bed but cry more. I guess this is what i am doing wrong.
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I forgot to mention one thing. He even said he didnt feel like talking to me in the past few days. I just remembered now! & now i cant stop crying because of what he said. Here I was sufferimg and there he wa hppy and not caring. Get mad! Grrrr! What sort of person says that to someone? F him, Bubble. This guy is a bastard. This is no way to treat someone, even when it's over. There are so many things he can say to you to help you cope with this, to help you accept that it is over. This isn't it. And here you said he is what every woman would want. No. He's not.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Get mad! Grrrr! What sort of person says that to someone? F him, Bubble. This guy is a bastard. This is no way to treat someone, even when it's over. There are so many things he can say to you to help you cope with this, to help you accept that it is over. This isn't it. And here you said he is what every woman would want. No. He's not. Believe me, I am mad. And I thought he was perfect and amazing. How exactly could he say that to a person they apparently "loved" for 3 years. I want to say bad things about him but i feel guilty saying it. 1
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Exactly my feelings. I know i need sleep. I usually cry to sleep. And wake up sobbing. Its normal but then I dont get up from bed but cry more. I guess this is what i am doing wrong. Start a ritual. At night when you are headed for bed, take a hot shower and put on your best comfy clothes. Put on some light music, softly in the background, get a good book, and try to read in bed. It will help you stay distracted and it will help you feel relaxed. If you have to take a sleep aid, ones you can get over the counter that are non addictive, try taking one to help you fall asleep quick, especially when you are reading. You will sleep through the night. When you wake in the morning, set a ritual as well. The moment you open your eyes, get out of bed. Turn the music on, a talk show, an inspirational CD (get one), and then jump in the shower. Brush your teeth, eat something and get your outfit going. If you are not going into work, go outside and take a walk. I know all this is hard and feels like it's going to take so much energy especially when you just want to lay in bed and cry but I guarantee you it will make you feel much better than laying in your tears. 1
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Believe me, I am mad. And I thought he was perfect and amazing. How exactly could he say that to a person they apparently "loved" for 3 years. I want to say bad things about him but i feel guilty saying it. No need to say bad things about him. We already know what a moron he is. Yes, how could anyone say that to someone they claim to have loved? Zero empathy. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I believe it when u say it. I will do it. I feel better. Thank you and most imp i am smiling at the moment , I made ammends with oone of my guy friends and I feel better. Things are looking up. Thank you Zahara and everyone else. I will keep u posted. I know ai will have weak moments. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 No need to say bad things about him. We already know what a moron he is. Yes, how could anyone say that to someone they claim to have loved? Zero empathy. Exactly! I could have given you a big hug , had you been here! Thank you! I am so grateful. both you and dreamingoftigers. I am sending *hugs* Ps : Going out with guy friends is okay now? right? as friends of course. 1
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Exactly! I could have given you a big hug , had you been here! Thank you! I am so grateful. both you and dreamingoftigers. I am sending *hugs* Ps : Going out with guy friends is okay now? right? as friends of course. Sending you *hugs* too sweetie! You're going to be just fine As long as you're going out as friends and not having any expectations or wanting to seek comfort in a man to ease your pain, go out and have fun and enjoy the people that want to be around you, care for you and love you. Allow your friends to console you and lend a ear. You need to surround yourself with good people. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Sending you *hugs* too sweetie! You're going to be just fine As long as you're going out as friends and not having any expectations or wanting to seek comfort in a man to ease your pain, go out and have fun and enjoy the people that want to be around you, care for you and love you. Allow your friends to console you and lend a ear. You need to surround yourself with good people. thank you for your words! I am not really looking for any love or rebound. I am strictly against rebounds. Im trying to make it up to the people I pushed away due to that jerk -.- . And it really helped. I see me smiling, i see me reading all the posts and feeling hope. 1
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 thank you for your words! I am not really looking for any love or rebound. I am strictly against rebounds. Im trying to make it up to the people I pushed away due to that jerk -.- . And it really helped. I see me smiling, i see me reading all the posts and feeling hope. Then go out and foster those friendships and start focusing on life outside of the jerk. Friends are the best when you are going through a difficult time. We all need them. Have fun!!!! And keep smiling! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Then go out and foster those friendships and start focusing on life outside of the jerk. Friends are the best when you are going through a difficult time. We all need them. Have fun!!!! And keep smiling! Yes i will. You really encouraged me! Thank you Zahara! I am going to pm u as soon as i get them activated. I am going to forget him, forget the pain. I can do it. Just eliminate the weak moments. *hugs* 2
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yes i will. You really encouraged me! Thank you Zahara! I am going to pm u as soon as i get them activated. I am going to forget him, forget the pain. I can do it. Just eliminate the weak moments. *hugs* You're most welcome, hun. Hugs to you too Keep us all updated and when you feel sad or weak, post here. You'll receive great support. And I will look forward to your PM! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 You're most welcome, hun. Hugs to you too Keep us all updated and when you feel sad or weak, post here. You'll receive great support. And I will look forward to your PM! I am here all the time & sure of course i will. Ls helped me so much. im just so grateful! , I will keep what i go through updated and hope one day ill post that im finally over him. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Get mad! Grrrr! What sort of person says that to someone? F him, Bubble. This guy is a bastard. This is no way to treat someone, even when it's over. There are so many things he can say to you to help you cope with this, to help you accept that it is over. This isn't it. And here you said he is what every woman would want. No. He's not. Don't worry Bubble you'll get there. At first you'll still want to defend him and throw yourself under the bus. You'll want to fix ut and long for it. You'll wonder what and if he's thinking of you. You hurt and hurt and want him around. Every time someone calls him a Jerkface it will hurt your feelings. Because you want him to still be your Jerkface. "Don't call him that. He wasn't a Jerkface. It was me. I was the Jerkface. I just didn't know it." Then when you start to heal up a bit you'll think of something you long for about something you two shared together. Then you'll think "what a jerkface. We could still be sharing this happy stuff and he had to go and be a Jerkface. Frigging Jerkface." Then you start seeing ALL the Jerkface things he did. And you get MAD. Like "why did he have to be SUCH A JERKFACE ALL THE TIME!" Then you'll notice some things that you actually did that were jerky. Then you'll notice that he probably was just too dumb to realize it, cope with it, see the effect he was having or deal with it. He's still a Jerkface though. Then you'll meet another guy. He will be "better than Jerkface" or "worse than Jerkface." If he's worse, you'll NEXT him. If he's better than it may work out or not. You may NEXT that guy too. You may not click with him. He may NEXT you. Either way, there is still Life After Jerkface. One day you'll find a guy that super-clicks. You may have kids. Then when one gets a heart broken you can empathize with them and tell them all about this Jerkface that broke your heart a long time ago and how you don't even give half a care about that anymore since you met better men afterward. 4
dreamingoftigers Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Oh. You're already feeling better! I was boarding a ferry writing that last post LOL. Have fun with your friends. Expect to be up and down over the next few months. It will get so much better! Friends are great!
Zahara Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Then you'll meet another guy. He will be "better than Jerkface" or "worse than Jerkface." :laugh: 2
rosedl Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You don't need to do anything wrong for a person not to love you. I know how you feel....my ex wrote...the love I had for you is dead or dying. It was a knife in the heart. I don't believe him because he is a total commitment phobe and I saw him once during the break up and he looked at me with more love and longing I have ever seen, but I think he needs to convince himself that this is how he feels so he can justify sabotaging our relationship based on his fears and long term issues. Even believing that, I am not challenging him on it. Just letting him go. If he can't express his love to me or actively seeks to suppress or deny it because it makes him too vulnerable amounts to the same result as him not loving him at all. A man who can't be a partner to me. Don't beat yourself up and blame yourself. If he feels this way, he has been irresponsible in not communicating his feelings more clearly to you. Instead he blindsides you with a declaration of how his feelings are gone, and you are left to sort through the confusion and hurt as you try to understand what changed or what went wrong. Most likely nothing....he wasn't honestly communicating his feelings and didn't speak up until HE was ready to let go. It is very confusing to have this happen. Unfortunately, it is all too common as human beings can be selfish and often will ensure that they prepare themselves for a split with no thought or consideration to how their actions will effect the partner. I'm sorry this happened to you but DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. 2
Keii Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Look at you! You're already getting better day by day! Stay strong, you are a wonderful person, and you deserve to be happy for you.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Don't worry Bubble you'll get there. At first you'll still want to defend him and throw yourself under the bus. You'll want to fix ut and long for it. You'll wonder what and if he's thinking of you. You hurt and hurt and want him around. Every time someone calls him a Jerkface it will hurt your feelings. Because you want him to still be your Jerkface. "Don't call him that. He wasn't a Jerkface. It was me. I was the Jerkface. I just didn't know it." Then when you start to heal up a bit you'll think of something you long for about something you two shared together. Then you'll think "what a jerkface. We could still be sharing this happy stuff and he had to go and be a Jerkface. Frigging Jerkface." Then you start seeing ALL the Jerkface things he did. And you get MAD. Like "why did he have to be SUCH A JERKFACE ALL THE TIME!" Then you'll notice some things that you actually did that were jerky. Then you'll notice that he probably was just too dumb to realize it, cope with it, see the effect he was having or deal with it. He's still a Jerkface though. Then you'll meet another guy. He will be "better than Jerkface" or "worse than Jerkface." If he's worse, you'll NEXT him. If he's better than it may work out or not. You may NEXT that guy too. You may not click with him. He may NEXT you. Either way, there is still Life After Jerkface. One day you'll find a guy that super-clicks. You may have kids. Then when one gets a heart broken you can empathize with them and tell them all about this Jerkface that broke your heart a long time ago and how you don't even give half a care about that anymore since you met better men afterward. Oh god! Can you be anymore right? And I have accepted the fact that me and N ("jerface") have no future. I mean he isnt really the guy I thought he was. I just woke up with a weird feeling. Checked my phone , had a breadcrumb "wanna be friends", trust me was disappointed but i accept the truth. This guy who didnt even care to be kind to me doesnt deserve anything from me. I hope karma gets his a** . I feel so much anger towards him which is good I guess? ps : I cant wait for the time when I can actually empathize with others.
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