Boyfriend says doesnt love me anymore.

[bubblesbursted]

I begged him, I stooped so low for him and he didnt twitch a bit. I dont want to hate him, I dont want to love him. Love and hate are seperated by a thin line and I dont want it. I am back to square one. Whenever I see his name , something inside me just explodes. I cant eat. I swear I cant. I tried to eat but I couldnt in the noon I felt ill throw up, and new? I tried making ammends with my old friends I did and everything was fine till he turns up till I sent him that stupid whatsapp. I just cant explain. He said its my fault. He didnt have freedom he wants to be single. How can he do that after 3 years? when he said those 3 years were his best time of the life.

 

Background check : He was a player before me. So is it what this is about?

[bubblesbursted]

I cant help it I am having suicidal thoughts etc , when I see him least affected and not even caring and saying "I dont want a relationship. I like being single"

[Discover]

Bubble....I doubt it is because he is a "player"..my girlfriend seemed chilled as well...so yeah...i guess when you don't feel Love towards someone you can't really make him feel better by acting close as you are going to hurt him even more....Well he did it...people...about your fault...well..i don't know you as a person..but judging by the one you are here...don't blame yourself...and when i say it..i mean it so start listening to the people who are writing to you...and don't neglect their toughts!..try to avoid HIM and cmon..chat with me SMile!

[bubblesbursted]

I was holding on till I sent that text, I regret it deeply I am back to square one. So much hurt..Cant even tell how much but I am sure you understand, you also are experiencing it. Its immature of me but i cant help but blame myself for it. He wanted freedom , he wanted prettier girls and me? Why would he want me. I was just there for 3 years. I have tried so hard to make it work and he just slammed the door on my face. It freaking hurts. And I am not talking to him anymore. Trying to avoid him , I doubt he would contact me. I am so weak. God. Why am I like this?

[Zahara]

I begged him, I stooped so low for him and he didnt twitch a bit. I dont want to hate him, I dont want to love him. Love and hate are seperated by a thin line and I dont want it. I am back to square one. Whenever I see his name , something inside me just explodes. I cant eat. I swear I cant. I tried to eat but I couldnt in the noon I felt ill throw up, and new? I tried making ammends with my old friends I did and everything was fine till he turns up till I sent him that stupid whatsapp. I just cant explain. He said its my fault. He didnt have freedom he wants to be single. How can he do that after 3 years? when he said those 3 years were his best time of the life.

 

Background check : He was a player before me. So is it what this is about?

 

Bubble, everything that you are experiencing is normal. There's nothing odd or desperately wrong with you to experience these lows and to feel this sense of hopelessness. But there is one thing you should stop doing and that is to STOP blaming yourself for the break-up. Regardless of whether he was/is a player, it was a relationship and it ended, and for every living being on this earth, at least once in their lifetime they will/would have had to face the pain of a loved one leaving them, whether by death, divorce, a break-up, infidelity, etc. It's NOT about what you did wrong. You could have been the perfect partner and this could have happened. This is not about you. This is not about what you didn't do because if you weren't doing, then he should have communicated it to you during the relationship because he valued you and the relationship enough to want and try to save it. If you didn't give him freedom, he should have said something. People who have a list of reasons after the fact are only making excuses.

 

He wants his freedom because he wants his freedom. While you value the relationship because you love him and what you've built with him, he unfortunately has prioritized his freedom and what he wants from life. No one's fault but just the reality that relationships never guarantee you a lifetime together forever.

 

You broke NC. BIG DEAL. I've done it so many times and most times ended up feeling more hurt and I told you this that given the wrong response you will feel even worse but then again, it's another lesson in the form of a wake up call that will help you not want to break it again. Sometimes you have to get beaten over the head a few times to realize it really hurts, and that's when you stop. You needed this. You don't see it but his response was a blessing to you. You can now let go and start to heal.

 

Eat. You must eat. There is no such thing as can't. At least drink as much fluids as you can. All that crying will leave you dehydrated. If you can't eat, at least hydrate. If you have friends in the area, maybe try and stay with them a few days. You shouldn't be alone. If you have family, stay with them. Staying in a room alone and crying your guts out alone isn't good for you. You need to be distracted.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Zahara

[bubblesbursted]

I feel like I cheated , like I messed up the only chance I had for it to work by breaking NC. I feel I should have seen the signs when they were right infront of my eyes! Why didnt I? If I did , atleast he would have been with me. I cant stop blaming me no matter what. He blamed me and why will he blame me if it wasnt true, I trust what he says. And I cant eat I dont want to eat I just want to cry. I dont really have any such friends like I said before. So I am on my own. But thanks for making me feel better

[Zahara]

I feel like I cheated , like I messed up the only chance I had for it to work by breaking NC. I feel I should have seen the signs when they were right infront of my eyes! Why didnt I? If I did , atleast he would have been with me. I cant stop blaming me no matter what. He blamed me and why will he blame me if it wasnt true, I trust what he says. And I cant eat I dont want to eat I just want to cry. I dont really have any such friends like I said before. So I am on my own. But thanks for making me feel better

 

Being as old as I am, making as many mistakes as I've had and that includes breaking NC to beg, plead for an ex to take me back, to love me again, to want me, I will tell you that what you did is part and process of letting go. You are going through denial and every fiber in your being is fighting this because it is so unbelievable, after all only days ago you were in a state of bliss and now it's all turned to mush. You didn't mess up. You're confused and trying to avoid the pain. You have to stop feeling bad about breaking NC. It's done. You have your answer and now you can go headfirst into whatever it is you have to endure, the pain and hurt is going to smash you down but I promise you that you will get up.

 

You can blame yourself, Bubble. But it takes two to support a relationship. If he had all these issues, he should have talked to you about it. When you value a relationship, you communicate with your partner because you want issues to resolve so that you can move forward and build. When people break-up and then give you a list of excuses, it's only because they don't know what to say and most times it is to alleviate their guilt and GASLIGHT (look it up) you because it takes the responsibility for the demise of the relationship off them. Don't be so trusting just because someone says so. It's the worst thing you can do for yourself.

 

Cry. Cry all you want. Scream. As loud as you want. But nourish yourself. You can be emotionally cripple for now, and you are allowed but physically, you need to force yourself to at least love yourself enough to sustain your body. You must. No man is worth it.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Zahara

[bubblesbursted]

I know , deep inside I know i am doing is wrong, I know I shouldnt blame myself because I couldnt have seen it. But I cant help it. I feel I lost the best thing in my life. I cant stop thnking about anything but him. Him thats all. Its like he has taken over my mind again and I know he isnt affected and I feel remorse and I feel mad because I am suffering and he doesnt even care. He didnt bother.

 

I know, i should respect myself but I cant face myself, I blame myself for loosing him. He was everything a girl would want. But he changed into a cold mean person noone would believe it was him all because of this relationship? How can I live with that?

[Zahara]

I know , deep inside I know i am doing is wrong, I know I shouldnt blame myself because I couldnt have seen it. But I cant help it. I feel I lost the best thing in my life. I cant stop thnking about anything but him. Him thats all. Its like he has taken over my mind again and I know he isnt affected and I feel remorse and I feel mad because I am suffering and he doesnt even care. He didnt bother.

 

I know, i should respect myself but I cant face myself, I blame myself for loosing him. He was everything a girl would want. But he changed into a cold mean person noone would believe it was him all because of this relationship? How can I live with that?

 

I can tell you a million times that you shouldn't blame yourself but nothing will stop you from doing it because when you are dumped, reactionary response is to blame yourself because who else can you blame? You can't blame him because in your time of feeling so despondent, you will internalize everything about the break-up because your heart is broken, your sense of self is shattered, your confidence is diminished and you're left feeling like the victim. I know it's hard not to blame yourself but when the fog starts to lift you'll begin to see.

 

If he is everything a girl could ask for, then I would have to dispute that. A man that loves and cares for you, one that is decent, kind and empathetic -- qualities a woman would want in a man -- doesn't turn cold and mean especially when the woman he once loved is hurting and is needing him to be gentle with her. And any man with a brain, after knowing he slapped her with break-up out of nowhere, will understand that he has to deal with her pain patiently and having a level of understanding that anyone that was side swipped that way would be in pure hell. And any man that is emotionally healthy and mature in a relationship is able to communicate when issues and problems arise in a relationship instead of bitching about it when it ends, then high tailing it by blaming the demise of the relationship on the other person because he's just too much of a coward to face the repercussions of his actions.

 

Idealize him. And you will. But when you are emotionally done with this, you'll see him for who he is. And if he was "once" a player, I would have to question his integrity and morals because players play with people's minds and hearts.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Zahara

[soccerrprp]

[VERY DEEP SIGH] OP, you lost 3-years. I'm dating a woman who lost 8+ years and was engaged for most of that. She knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to work, but stayed with him, on and off, for many more years during this time. She looks back and realizes just how effed-up it was, but she also looks back and realizes that she wouldn't be the stronger person she is today. She certainly would not have met me if not for the ordeal. The key is to move on, learn from this and use the experience to make you stronger. It wasn't your fault.

 

There will be someone who will come into your life that will amaze you and love you as you should be. I don't want to repeat what so many have on this thread. YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE, HAPPIER, STRONGER from all of this....just let yourself do this.

[bubblesbursted]

I can tell you a million times that you shouldn't blame yourself but nothing will stop you from doing it because when you are dumped, reactionary response is to blame yourself because who else can you blame? You can't blame him because in your time of feeling so despondent, you will internalize everything about the break-up because your heart is broken, your sense of self is shattered, your confidence is diminished and you're left feeling like the victim. I know it's hard not to blame yourself but when the fog starts to lift you'll begin to see.

 

If he is everything a girl could ask for, then I would have to dispute that. A man that loves and cares for you, one that is decent, kind and empathetic -- qualities a woman would want in a man -- doesn't turn cold and mean especially when the woman he once loved is hurting and is needing him to be gentle with her. And any man with a brain, after knowing he slapped her with break-up out of nowhere, will understand that he has to deal with her pain patiently and having a level of understanding that anyone that was side swipped that way would be in pure hell. And any man that is emotionally healthy and mature in a relationship is able to communicate when issues and problems arise in a relationship instead of bitching about it when it ends, then high tailing it by blaming the demise of the relationship on the other person because he's just too much of a coward to face the repercussions of his actions.

 

Idealize him. And you will. But when you are emotionally done with this, you'll see him for who he is. And if he was "once" a player, I would have to question his integrity and morals because players play with people's minds and hearts.

 

Thank you for the eye opener Zahara. Maybe you are right. With time I might forgive myself and also him but right now its worse. I know I should start NC again..hardcore Nc because he isnt coming back. I have understood he wont come back and I need to do it for me , not him , Me. With time will i stop loving him too?

[dreamingoftigers]

God! You are such an inspiration . You are so strong when it comes to relationships, I wish I could be more like you.. So you suggest I should make those places mine again? because we had been to a lot of places together. And I officially finally removed his number from my phone, deleted whatsapp and reinstalled it. Now i dont have him in my contacts anymore saves me the stalking.

 

Oh Sweetheart,

 

I am not some towering Pillar of Strength.

 

I have a very severe abandonment trigger.

It messed up most of my previous relationships (although I also dated some pretty messed-up, socially awkward individuals no better or worse than myself).

 

Basically, that relational trigger used to kneecap my WHOLE LIFE when I was younger.

I HAD to learn to cope with it.

I was STILL learning to cope with it when my husband and I separated. By then I had gotten that abandonment trigger stomped on by my husband so many times I just didn't care anymore.

 

There are still social situations that cause my stomach to curdle that I have to work-up the nerve to deal with. (Sometimes take a half an hour-45 mins).

 

Other ones (like public speaking) I can just jump on. Everyone is different.

 

And we are all works in progress.

You are doing much better than I would have at this point.

Bear in mind that I have more years on you and more experience breaking up and being broken up with.

 

There were days I didn't eat or get up out of bed. They happen. It's a hard cloud to get out from under.

You'll come through.

[dreamingoftigers]

I broke the Nc and I regret it.. Why did I have to do it? I texted him what i was feeling like a closure, I didnt ask him to come back to me. I just thanked him for teaching me not to trust him. I know I did wrong and I just cant believe myself..

 

It isn't at all that you did "wrong."

 

There is nothing "wrong" about it.

 

But I'm betting you are either floating on false hope or really hurting because of it.

 

Now you know what breaking NC is like.

Doesn't feel any better right?

Pick yourself up, go for a walk, play with your brother and reset the clock.

 

[bubblesbursted]

Yea it hurts really bad , I am just here regretting even expecting him to realize and give us a chance. What was I thinking? I lost my self-respect. He is never coming back to me. Someone else out there is waiting for me who would love me right? But then everywhere I look i get reminded of us. I just want to throw everything out. My clothes , my bed everything. It just reminds me of us. I can smell him in my clothes. Its just frustrating. And I do admire the courage you have ^ , too much respect.

[bubblesbursted]

I am not going to break NC. I will do it for me no matter how many crumbs he throws at me. This is my life I have to heal to find that person who would love me.

[Zahara]

Thank you for the eye opener Zahara. Maybe you are right. With time I might forgive myself and also him but right now its worse. I know I should start NC again..hardcore Nc because he isnt coming back. I have understood he wont come back and I need to do it for me , not him , Me. With time will i stop loving him too?

 

No, you WILL forgive yourself for whatever it is you feel you needs forgiving and in time you will find indifference when it comes to your ex. Yes, right now in the thick of your heartbreak, there is nothing that you can feel or think about but him and your pain. And that is very normal. It's something we have all been through and trust me, there have been times that I can clearly remember where I thought it was the end for me and that there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. At times even felt that suicide was my only option. But you always get through to the other side. The pain is going to be there, especially for me when I would wake in the morning but one day becomes two days, then a week, then a month and slowly you start to live again. It seems daunting but it will be okay. I promise you.

 

Yes, my dear. NC is for you and no one else. It is for you to grieve, heal and get yourself well again. I'm sure he'll be back at some point sniffing like a dog, to get an ego boost or to see if you want to be friends so he can look like a shiny prize but even when that happens, the priority remains, NC because you must, want and have to heal. In time, he will be an indifferent memory in your life. That is if you follow and abide by the rules of NC.

 

Taramaiden/Caliguy's NC guide is a great read and a "must always carry around with you everywhere" because you never know when you are going to go weak and feel tempted. Print it out and read it. The thread should be in this forum.

[dreamingoftigers]

I feel crushed myself now , I kind of expected a reply anything but nothing came so well. I learnt my lesson. Its like yesterday all over again. I am such a weak person, I couldnt even do Nc! I just wish I didnt contact him. I understand what everyone is saying , I know it is the right thing to do then why cant I ? I feel so stupid.

 

Yea he has seen it. He has. I saw his last seen, what did I expect? He would reply to me and realize how much he was hurting me. What was I thinking , I feel mad and I just cant believe I contacted him. After 2 days of Nc I sent him something and he certainly doesnt care. What is wrong with me. What did I even expect. I regret contacting him and I feel anger towards him towards me! Ugh.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa....

 

I don't think that there is a single person on this board who hasn't broken NC early on.

 

Again, think ADDICTION.

 

It's the same reason addicts have trouble stopping all at once.

They go back to their drug of choice and then they feel ashamed and stupid for having done it.

 

The point I am trying to make isn't "you dumb addict, you should be ashamed of yourself."

 

It's this: you are dealing with some pretty overwhelming emotions and brain chemicals. Sometimes (early on) it is going to overwhelm your common sense.

 

What you need to realize (just like an alcoholic needs to realize) is that reaching for what used to comfort you produces terrible results.

 

Whereas he was fun and great etc etc etc he is now HARMFUL to you.

And just like your emotions affect your behaviour.....your behaviour effects your emotions.

 

If you listen purely to those sad or hopeful feelings and text him, instead of getting all of those fun, glowy feelings.....you now get the equivalent of an emotional hangover.

 

So like an addict, you need to overcome the craving and replace him with healthier things that build YOU up.

 

Beating yourself up about it actually perpetuates the cycle "I am such a doofus, that's why I break NC."

[Zahara]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

[dreamingoftigers]

I was holding on till I sent that text, I regret it deeply I am back to square one. So much hurt..Cant even tell how much but I am sure you understand, you also are experiencing it. Its immature of me but i cant help but blame myself for it. He wanted freedom , he wanted prettier girls and me? Why would he want me. I was just there for 3 years. I have tried so hard to make it work and he just slammed the door on my face. It freaking hurts. And I am not talking to him anymore. Trying to avoid him , I doubt he would contact me. I am so weak. God. Why am I like this?

 

Every woman in the world thinks it's about her now being pretty enough.

 

Halle Berry thought it was about her not being pretty enough.

HALLE BERRY.

 

Seriously.

I hate to say something so blatantly sexist on a forum but like 98.3% of young men are really dumb about relationships.

 

Like....really dumb.

 

They often figure that they can break up to "cool off" or take care of whatever pragmatic urge pops up.

 

Then they feel the pain of the lonliness further down the line and try to come back. (Don't wait for this. Seriously.)

But by then the girl has LONG moved on and they get all upset.

We see it all the time here. "She's dating someone new after 2 months. How could she?"

"Miss my ex. But now she won't talk to me. Why is she being so cold?"

 

Um.....because you dumped her and put her through Hell!

 

When (Young) guys feel overwhelmed....They break up thinking they won't want the relationship

 

When young women feel something is wrong ib the relationship they will talk and talk and talk and hold out until the very last drop if feeling is completely drained from a relationship. Then they break up aftee a zillion verbal warnings but no action towards that front.

Guys will break-up and re-evaluate. Or chase something new.

 

But honestly, this guy isn't quality long-term material.

 

It could just be his youth.

 

NOW EVERYONE.......don't fry my butt over this. They ARE generalizations. Yes they are but there are real thoughtful guys....even in this thread who seem to have it figured out.

 

BTW. A lot of young guys get schooled by being dumped themselves. Frankly a lot of women do toi.

[dreamingoftigers]

I feel like I cheated , like I messed up the only chance I had for it to work by breaking NC. I feel I should have seen the signs when they were right infront of my eyes! Why didnt I? If I did , atleast he would have been with me. I cant stop blaming me no matter what. He blamed me and why will he blame me if it wasnt true, I trust what he says. And I cant eat I dont want to eat I just want to cry. I dont really have any such friends like I said before. So I am on my own. But thanks for making me feel better

 

Honey,

 

He may blame you all he wants.

But the facts on paper show he wasn't maintaining his half of the relationship by being straight with you. You deserve more respect than that after years together.

 

You can choose to blame you too.

But that doesn't make it any more accurate.

[dreamingoftigers]

i am not going to break nc. I will do it for me no matter how many crumbs he throws at me. This is my life i have to heal to find that person who would love me.

 

yay!

 

You found your resolve!

[fixing]

Just dropping by to five you my support x Stay strong and dont let the ba4tards grind you down.

[bubblesbursted]

Every woman in the world thinks it's about her now being pretty enough.

 

Halle Berry thought it was about her not being pretty enough.

HALLE BERRY.

 

Seriously.

I hate to say something so blatantly sexist on a forum but like 98.3% of young men are really dumb about relationships.

 

Like....really dumb.

 

They often figure that they can break up to "cool off" or take care of whatever pragmatic urge pops up.

 

Then they feel the pain of the lonliness further down the line and try to come back. (Don't wait for this. Seriously.)

But by then the girl has LONG moved on and they get all upset.

We see it all the time here. "She's dating someone new after 2 months. How could she?"

"Miss my ex. But now she won't talk to me. Why is she being so cold?"

 

Um.....because you dumped her and put her through Hell!

 

When (Young) guys feel overwhelmed....They break up thinking they won't want the relationship

 

When young women feel something is wrong ib the relationship they will talk and talk and talk and hold out until the very last drop if feeling is completely drained from a relationship. Then they break up aftee a zillion verbal warnings but no action towards that front.

Guys will break-up and re-evaluate. Or chase something new.

 

But honestly, this guy isn't quality long-term material.

 

It could just be his youth.

 

NOW EVERYONE.......don't fry my butt over this. They ARE generalizations. Yes they are but there are real thoughtful guys....even in this thread who seem to have it figured out.

 

BTW. A lot of young guys get schooled by being dumped themselves. Frankly a lot of women do toi.

 

I am not having any hopes for him to realize.I know he is long gone, he isnt coming back. He isnt there anymore. And even if he doesnt realize it , it wont change a thing. All in the right time. And I am really grateful by all the help I am receiving in LS. I dont know where I would have been had I not come here, probably begging him more? I made pancakes for me as comfort food and finally am eating or trying to eat.

 

Honey,

 

He may blame you all he wants.

But the facts on paper show he wasn't maintaining his half of the relationship by being straight with you. You deserve more respect than that after years together.

 

You can choose to blame you too.

But that doesn't make it any more accurate.

 

I get it but the blame isnt going away. Its like a constant reminder on my head saying "It was all my fault". I know with time it will be okay. He didnt deserve it. Thank you again!

[bubblesbursted]

No, you WILL forgive yourself for whatever it is you feel you needs forgiving and in time you will find indifference when it comes to your ex. Yes, right now in the thick of your heartbreak, there is nothing that you can feel or think about but him and your pain. And that is very normal. It's something we have all been through and trust me, there have been times that I can clearly remember where I thought it was the end for me and that there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. At times even felt that suicide was my only option. But you always get through to the other side. The pain is going to be there, especially for me when I would wake in the morning but one day becomes two days, then a week, then a month and slowly you start to live again. It seems daunting but it will be okay. I promise you.

 

 

Thank you, it made me feel better! I needed it. I do feel like there is no light anymore but I am comforted with the idea that I am not the only one. Its okay , I am normal. To be honest, I feel like I am loosing myself. Normally I am a very random and happy person and this has crushed me. And I cant wait for the time when he wont matter anymore when my heart wont feel the way it does when I see his picture even. I believe it when you say it will get okay. Thank you

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

 

Thanks for this. I am reading it.

[bubblesbursted]

I would be lieing if I say I dont feel sad missing him , and wishing I could go back in time and make it okay. I do but I feel hope for me. So when I feel down i am just going to read this all