Boyfriend says doesnt love me anymore.

January 28, 2014

Yes, you do. You have us

I know there are triggers everywhere. . . just avoid as many as possible.

There were so many changes I had to make just to make it through a day.
I didn't watch movies or tv with love scenes or anything that I knew he watched, I couldn't go to certain places, I couldn't even buy Gatorade (how crazy is that??)

Just find things that won't remind you of him. I know, so much easier said than done.
You can do this!!

Exactly what i did yesterday. I couldnt handle the love scenes so I just forwarded it. And its not crazy at all. I cant even look at my blanket or my room. I mean where am I supposed to go? But like you said changes. I dont want to change. I dont want to loose myself over a guy. & thank you for listening!

ps : craziest thing i did was cry in the trial room yesterday

January 28, 2014

Exactly what i did yesterday. I couldnt handle the love scenes so I just forwarded it. And its not crazy at all. I cant even look at my blanket or my room. I mean where am I supposed to go? But like you said changes. I dont want to change. I dont want to loose myself over a guy. & thank you for listening!

ps : craziest thing i did was cry in the trial room yesterday

Another thing that really helped me was kind of a gratitude list that I kept in my purse and would re read every time I was feeling defeated.

I'm healthy

I'm employed

I have people that really love me in my life.

I'm still a knockout. hahaha! well, just saying

anyway, you get the point.

It seems like such a silly thing that won't help but it really does. . . for me anyway, it helped keep my he's on straight and reminded me how much I have to be thankful for.

There are lots if people dealing with unimaginable tragedies that have it much worse than I do.

You got this!! ((hugs!!))

January 28, 2014

I am trying my best , I swear. But then I get so mad at myself for thinking about him and having hope. I know he isnt coming back. Ugh. what is wrong with me. I hate myself

This is TOTALLY NORMAL.

Your brain has been attaching to this guy for YEARS. Bonds like that don't flip emotionally the second they flip intellectually.

It's JUST LIKE withdrawing from a drug.

Remember this when you see addicts when you ate older. They have often alienated all of their outside supports except for fellow addicts. It would be the same idea as you being pain without him and all of us saying "hey, its just one phone call. Get a little relief."

But we've all been to Dumpland!

And it sucks there. You get stuck there for a bit.

But the QUICKEST way out is THROUGH all of the pain, cold turkey. And it makes you stronger too. And less likely to foolishly risk your heart in the future because you know the risks AND you know that you are tough enough to pull through.

It took me about a week to eat after one breakup.

And frankly (you don't want to go here) my marriahe at one point was so rocky that I figured out if we had three more blowouts, I could fit into my high school jeans.

Withdrawals are not fun and games at all

The dreams are the worst because you can't simply distract yourself.

But one of the most inspirational quotes I ever read was: "If you are going through Hell, keep going."

January 28, 2014

Another thing that really helped me was kind of a gratitude list that I kept in my purse and would re read every time I was feeling defeated.

I'm healthy
I'm employed
I have people that really love me in my life.
I'm still a knockout. hahaha! well, just saying
anyway, you get the point.

It seems like such a silly thing that won't help but it really does. . . for me anyway, it helped keep my he's on straight and reminded me how much I have to be thankful for.
There are lots if people dealing with unimaginable tragedies that have it much worse than I do.

You got this!! ((hugs!!))

Oh cripes, TOTALLY.

I wrote down a journal about only the positive things that happened each day.

At first I was like, "well what about all of the negative stuff, that's not very accurate."

Then I realized, "who the Hell wants to remember that anyway."

January 28, 2014

So grieving is normal? If anyone would look at me right now they would say im acting as if someone died. I have no idea how all of you did it.

And guess what? i did a huge mistake right now, going somewhere where we both used to go & i couldnt handle it. I thought i will feel better but i feel worse. I rushed home so I could cry. All those memories keep flooding back to me. I feel so stupid that I didnt see the signs. I feel guilty thinking about him. I am just loosing it.

January 28, 2014

A breakup is more painful than the death of a loved one. There is little to no closure in a breakup. The feeling of loss is greater because not only do you lose someone you had an intense emotional connection with, you lose a best friend and the hopes and dreams with that person.

January 28, 2014

It is. I wish I could just call him and tell him everything he is making me feel. I want to let it out to him. Can I do that?

January 28, 2014

So grieving is normal? If anyone would look at me right now they would say im acting as if someone died. I have no idea how all of you did it.

And guess what? i did a huge mistake right now, going somewhere where we both used to go & i couldnt handle it. I thought i will feel better but i feel worse. I rushed home so I could cry. All those memories keep flooding back to me. I feel so stupid that I didnt see the signs. I feel guilty thinking about him. I am just loosing it.

Yes. Grief is not only "normal" but expected.

And you will go on and on about him.

You poor girl. I got blindsided by my very first breakup too. Took me so long to get over because I had no idea the grief/pain it could cause.

I was 15. And when it happened a lot of my friends had not even started dating yet so they couldn't understand why I was so crushed.

I fell completely head over heels. The whole enchilada. Limerance chemicals abound.

We only dated three weeks. LOL

And in hindsight he was really boring, walked like a muppet on prozac and had a really annoying laugh. And couldn't kiss. Oh well.

January 28, 2014

It is. I wish I could just call him and tell him everything he is making me feel. I want to let it out to him. Can I do that?

If you want to look weak, petty, an emotional wreck, and slam that door shut of him ever wanting anything to do with you again.....then yeah, go ahead and call him.

The answer is: NO

January 28, 2014

It is. I wish I could just call him and tell him everything he is making me feel. I want to let it out to him. Can I do that?

That will be very torturous and a very bad idea.

Women bond with who they share things with. Whether or not (up front) that is received.

So you'll share and feel your oxytocin levels rise only to hear, "unnnnhhhh okay. Uh, I gotta go now." OR "UHHH, sorry?"

Ugh. Do not Pass Go. Do not collect 200 more hours of grief.

See your mind. It does all of these things to rationalize contact to avoid the painful feelings. Even for a little bit.

If you NEED to "get it out" write him a real snippy letter. On paper (pretend it's 1985). Keep it for a bit. You'll notice over time that what you want to say changes.

I write A LOT of letters. Every time I am in an argument I write a letter or text instead of saying some mean things.

Often it helps me "get it out" and organize my thoughts. I have only been so pissed off to send one once. (Actually it was pretty recently).

That one wasn't abusive or anything. It just shot a little deeper than I would have had I not been upset when I wrote it.

I have had letters from previous relationships pop up in junk paperwork around the house.

It's actually kind of neat to see me evolve from a manipulative-guilter into, well, a much nicer occasional manipulator

Another thing that helped soooo much with the breakup with the ex (the one just before my husband).....

We tend to "talk" to our partners in our heads across the day I find. Or think..."hey I should share such-and-such with him."

Well, I told Nathan to get lost and me mentally leading him to the door and locking him out.

Everytime he would show up in my head I would mentally drag him to the door and lock him out. For some reason he always looked a little surprised, annoyed and sadly acknowledging.

He might've broken up the relationship, but me breaking up with him mentally was a big step.

He started showing up less and less.

Also I started claiming private spots where I wouldn't take ANY guy. I still have one on a hiking trail. I haven't been there in awhile. But it's still "mine."

I also started reclaiming those "shared" places.

I took...holy cow...I think it was FOUR different boyfriends to the same Italian place because damned if that place was going to be a breakup trigger for me. Hmm. Maybe that place was bad luck....

Rewrite the history of some places. If you liked going skating with him, take a different friend. Then another. Then it becomes another fun place you go to.

Just a few suggestions.

It's been a tough few days.

Don't expect it to disappear super-quick.

Be nice to yourself. It's okay to feel rotten. You got a rotten deal.

January 28, 2014

On a mildly amusing note.... if I get struck by a semi tomorrow and someone reads my email "drafts" folder they are probably going to think my husband was severely abused and beaten.

I can just picture the reaction now, " she wanted me to WHAT with WHAT? How is that even possibke? How did she come up with that?"

January 28, 2014

On a mildly amusing note.... if I get struck by a semi tomorrow and someone reads my email "drafts" folder they are probably going to think my husband was severely abused and beaten.

I can just picture the reaction now, " she wanted me to WHAT with WHAT? How is that even possibke? How did she come up with that?"

God! You are such an inspiration . You are so strong when it comes to relationships, I wish I could be more like you.. So you suggest I should make those places mine again? because we had been to a lot of places together. And I officially finally removed his number from my phone, deleted whatsapp and reinstalled it. Now i dont have him in my contacts anymore saves me the stalking.

January 28, 2014

I broke the Nc and I regret it.. Why did I have to do it? I texted him what i was feeling like a closure, I didnt ask him to come back to me. I just thanked him for teaching me not to trust him. I know I did wrong and I just cant believe myself..

January 28, 2014

^You need to want NC in order to stick to it, friend. Otherwise it's a cyclical emotional torture you're exposing yourself to by breaking NC. Do it often enough and you'll come out of this experience somewhat more scarred than you would have if you had sought to protect yourself by sticking to strict NC

I broke NC once. That was all it took to bring all the crushing feelings back. I did what you did, told him everything I wanted to say, a closure of sorts. I wasn't expecting a reply from him. Of course it changed nothing. Except prolong my healing..

And then I told myself, never again. Please, please save yourself.

January 28, 2014

^You need to want NC in order to stick to it, friend. Otherwise it's a cyclical emotional torture you're exposing yourself to by breaking NC. Do it often enough and you'll come out of this experience somewhat more scarred than you would have if you had sought to protect yourself by sticking to strict NC

I broke NC once. That was all it took to bring all the crushing feelings back. I did what you did, told him everything I wanted to say, a closure of sorts. I wasn't expecting a reply from him. Of course it changed nothing. Except prolong my healing..

And then I told myself, never again. Please, please save yourself.

I feel crushed myself now , I kind of expected a reply anything but nothing came so well. I learnt my lesson. Its like yesterday all over again. I am such a weak person, I couldnt even do Nc! I just wish I didnt contact him. I understand what everyone is saying , I know it is the right thing to do then why cant I ? I feel so stupid.

January 28, 2014

Yea he has seen it. He has. I saw his last seen, what did I expect? He would reply to me and realize how much he was hurting me. What was I thinking , I feel mad and I just cant believe I contacted him. After 2 days of Nc I sent him something and he certainly doesnt care. What is wrong with me. What did I even expect. I regret contacting him and I feel anger towards him towards me! Ugh.

January 28, 2014

I broke the Nc and I regret it.. Why did I have to do it? I texted him what i was feeling like a closure, I didnt ask him to come back to me. I just thanked him for teaching me not to trust him. I know I did wrong and I just cant believe myself..

Yea he has seen it. He has. I saw his last seen, what did I expect? He would reply to me and realize how much he was hurting me. What was I thinking , I feel mad and I just cant believe I contacted him. After 2 days of Nc I sent him something and he certainly doesnt care. What is wrong with me. What did I even expect. I regret contacting him and I feel anger towards him towards me! Ugh.

I feel you so much right now. Exactly what I went through, even down to the fussing over him seeing what I sent him but him remaining completely silent, like he doesn't care.

It's been done, you learnt from it so please don't beat yourself up over it. Be kinder to yourself okay? Start now. It would be helpful for you to do things one step at a time. Most of us here have been through what you're going through, and we recognise some of the behavioural patterns you're displaying now. It's a difficult time now for you, so we're here for you.

Firstly, delete him everywhere. This would be a good starting point. Delete, block, whatever it takes to stop yourself from contacting him. Switch off your phone if you have to. Focus on yourself and your well-being. Munch on something, food, ice-cream, whatever you feel like, just bottomline is, take care of your body.

Secondly, stay away from things that remind you of him. Sad music, please skip that too. Thirdly, breathe. Try to calm yourself down each time those waves of emotions overwhelm you, let it. And then once it has washed over you, breathe. When you need to cry, then please, cry. Let it all out.

Fourth, do things you enjoy. You probably don't feel like doing much right now except laze in bed and cry, but try anyway. Baby steps It gets easier with time, I promise you this.

Sigh, I wish I could do more for you, but being behind a computer screen obviously limits that. I'll be praying for you, please focus on your healing alright? We're here for you if there's anything you need.

January 28, 2014

He replied. I wish I can talk to someone right now. I feel like I am dieing

January 28, 2014

talk to me

January 28, 2014

thank god. i made a mistake. are u still here? i can really use some support

January 28, 2014

yup i am listening but first...while telling me...make sure you eat...!!!

January 28, 2014

I cant..Long post coming up.

January 28, 2014

I am waiting Don't worry..i will read! Just please..eat something...!!! NOW !!!!!! This is an order!

January 28, 2014

I sent him a long text about a closure , didnt even once ask him to be with me. He replied with 2 words "I am sorry" thats all, and then I dont know something inside me stirred and I became an emotional wreck, all those memories and love came and i couldnt see straight and I started pleading him to tell me what was the matter and why he did it. He wasnt melting first then he told me, he blamed me he said he felt trapped in a relationship and wanted to be single. It was a big blow all I could think was maybe he is right, I really dont give him freedom? I begged to give me a chance to make it ok. He was cold and mean said he doesnt want it, No amount of begging or pleading worked. I know I am the one to be blamed. I shouldnt have begged. He is gone for good, what do I even do. I have been missing him since morning and crying. No not gonna eat I will throw up! its been more than 24 hrs now anyway , I just dont know im such a m**s

January 28, 2014

God...stop blaming yourself so much...it is only normal for you to want and explanation and to try to bring back the happy life you had together...Now...Frankly I don't care if you don't want to...go and eat somthing because in time i don't want to be reading that you have no one beside you when you need medical attention,..!!!! Now..stop crying..suck it up...Maybe he wasn't the person you needed..why...oh please..my girlfriend left me for the same reason...something about freedom and bla bla..sure..and there was i thinking that we were free when together...man..i am getting angry when i see others sad...stop..you don't deserve it..OK BUBBLE?...stop it....i told you..screw that phone and the stalking....stay here...write...listen to music...damn it girl..stop doing this to yourself....please...now i know it is easy to lie to a stranger...but really eat...care for you...i was/am like you...i didn't beg though...i actually got disappointed that after two years that;s what i get...and you should too...it is not you..it is not him...like the song from yesterday....LOVE GONE DONE...i know it is hard....having hard time as well today but c'mon...SMILE...my god please SMILE..just for no reason..or because of this post...play some music...let yourself be sad but don't over do it...try something new(something not destroying your life!!!)...you did your best in your relationship...as i did in mine...if they don't respect or see it...then ok...i told you...try to daydream ( NOT ABOUT HIM !!!!! ) now write...and i will try to make you smile

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Boyfriend says doesnt love me anymore.

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