RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 NC is very hard in the beginning. It does get so much easier. Even though I'm 8 months post breakup, I tried to get him to answer me for three months because we had joint financial stuff to talk about. ..which he ignored. Then one day he decided he wanted to talk about that stuff so back and forth for about two months through text messaging (the only way he will talk to me) till everything was finally settled. Talk about agonizing! If there wasn't joint stuff involved, I would have been in NC from the very beginning. 1
Keii Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I'm in a similar situation ( LT bf, first real break up)... If there is one thing I've learned, it's to occupy yourself with other things. I'm planning to take up yoga and rock climbing again. I'e also gone to the library with a list of books to start reading and feeding my brain. Think about the things you always wanted to try, and try them! It will really help, and give you a sense of accomplishment. Also, please try to feed yourself, even if it's a little bit, your body is exhausted from going through so much, and it needs all the energy it can get. As the dumpee, there isn't much that we can do, but to try and take it as an opportunity to develop and grow. I know it's really hard ( I still have a lot of days where I cry and feel like a mess), but in the long run, you can try to be better for YOU. 3
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thank you for all your answers. I had gone to bed like everyone of you suggested. And it was awful , woke up feeling like a mess. And automatically my hand went towards my phone to check if he called or texted. I am so stupid. And he didnt, this makes me feel sick that I am going to throw up or something. But deep inside I know he wouldnt contact me. And so wont I. But I have those cravings, those weak moments where I just want to say , "screw it , I will get you back" and i know its wrong. So its been 12 hrs since I last contacted him. I will try and do the 20 minutes thing as someone suggested, if I have the urge to talk or contact , I will post here. If i need someone to talk to me I know you all are here. Am I doing it right? 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I don't really know if you're doing it right. Define right I mean if you're trying your best, that's really all you can do. For me, there was no way I could do NC half heartedly (I'm not saying you are) but in my case it was a daily fight, in the beginning anyway. I had to fully commit to it every day. It was exhausting and heartbreaking but it became easier. You're doing your best. That's all you can do right? ((hugs!!)) 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 For me, there was no way I could do NC half heartedly (I'm not saying you are) but in my case it was a daily fight, in the beginning anyway. I had to fully commit to it every day. It was exhausting and heartbreaking but it became easier. You're doing your best. That's all you can do right? ((hugs!!)) Exactly , its like im having a fight with myself and I am scared of the future Nc. A part of me wants to call him or least text him but another part wants to continue Nc. its tough. And I keep checking his whatsapp's last seen. What do I do? If i remove his number , ill end up adding ut back. I have memorised his number. So all in all Im a mess. 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Exactly , its like im having a fight with myself and I am scared of the future Nc. A part of me wants to call him or least text him but another part wants to continue Nc. its tough. And I keep checking his whatsapp's last seen. What do I do? If i remove his number , ill end up adding ut back. I have memorised his number. So all in all Im a mess. I knew my exes number by heart too. . . . I think we all did. But every time you check to see if he called, e-mailed, etc. you're just ripping your wounds open.I know it's hard not to do that, Very hard and you are brave for even trying. In my case (everyone is different) and I'm not trying to tell you how to heal. But I had to remove EVERYTHING. deleted his contact, deleted pics, blocked everything. . . . and I did it within the first week and it was probably the most painful step in NC. I mean it hurt like hell and I cried for days. Some of my friends said I was so strong but I didn't feel that way. I felt quite the opposite. I knew there was no way I was.strong enough to -maybe get rejected again -see him with another woman -have him tell me something I don't want to hear. -not reply at all -him pitying me I could go on. . . . my point is I felt like NC was the only and a guaranteed way to save myself even more grief. . . . which btw, I couldn't even imagine being more hurt than I was. . . I was terrified any of my biggest fears with breaking NC could really really mess me up. That's why I don't think I was being strong but NC really is the "easier" way. . . I say easier loosely. . . It's one of the hardest life lessons I've ever had. Most of us probably feel that way. You can do it!!! You just have to want your recovery more than you want anything else. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 i am getting your point. You did the right thing. Deleting stuff thats hard and yes you were brave to do that, i dont think i can even delete his number to start with. And now, another thing happened. I should have stopped stalkin his whatsapp but I did it anyway and he changed his status to "one step closer" , all i can think is there is someone else. And thats like a big blow. 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 i am getting your point. You did the right thing. Deleting stuff thats hard and yes you were brave to do that, i dont think i can even delete his number to start with. And now, another thing happened. I should have stopped stalkin his whatsapp but I did it anyway and he changed his status to "one step closer" , all i can think is there is someone else. And thats like a big blow. That's exactly what I'm saying. You're ripping the wounds open. OUCH!!!Don't do that to yourself! I've told you the worst of hardcore NC. As painful as it was for me to delete, block etc, it was also a HUGE relief too. I never ever had to put myself in a position to be hurt by him anymore. . . . that felt good I was no longer in danger. We're all here for you and we will continue to be every step of the way (( (hugs!!)) 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 That's exactly what I'm saying. You're ripping the wounds open. OUCH!!!Don't do that to yourself! I've told you the worst of hardcore NC. As painful as it was for me to delete, block etc, it was also a HUGE relief too. I never ever had to put myself in a position to be hurt by him anymore. . . . that felt good I was no longer in danger. We're all here for you and we will continue to be every step of the way (( (hugs!!)) So I need to block him out? and ignore his presence. Act like he is dead? That is depressing. 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 So I need to block him out? and ignore his presence. Act like he is dead? That is depressing. It is depressing, you're right. It goes against everything we are wired to do as humans. BUT. . . . it's also liberating and empowering. It's really like a huge weight is lifted. You will feel so relieved, I promise. And you don't have to do this all at once. Just take it one day at a time. Baby steps. If you think to far into the future, you'll go nuts. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 It is depressing, you're right. It goes against everything we are wired to do as humans. BUT. . . . it's also liberating and empowering. It's really like a huge weight is lifted. You will feel so relieved, I promise. And you don't have to do this all at once. Just take it one day at a time. Baby steps. If you think to far into the future, you'll go nuts. I will. I can do this. The thing is me and mt ex we were working on something together and now i disclosed to everyone else involved that i wont be continuing it since it involved him. The people started asking why and I told them the reason as to why but the thing is they are hating on him and saying hurtful things to him and i know he knows that. He can see it. And i feel its my fault that I told everyone the reason.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Just do it...leave your phone next to you...but accept in your mind he won't call..that's it..just be strong...i mean...**** ..i will see her tomorrow at school..she will probably sit next to me..i have no idea what to do...but will tell you after this happens ...about NC..in my experience..as she was on my speed dial for 2 years i changed her number with that of my best friend so i can know that i am wrong to do so..you change yours to someone you can call or just an empty blank if you have one..i logged out of FB...i listen to a lot of music and think about how i will find a girl who will be willing to go on a forum like this if i even mentioned something about me feeling weird cause she cares...damn i want someone to care for me..xax.. Anyway..be strong..that's it...just..accept the fact that he is gone.. i just read your reply and you are right. You know the problem with so many of us including you and me is that we freaking care way too much about someone who didnt feel the same for us but just led us on to believe that they did. and tomorrow your gonna go to school and ignore her! Yes ignore her presence. Helping you and others is kinda helping me. I have survived till now by nc its been 14 hours. And the thing is , my hope is dieing every passing second which is good I guess? Like last night my baby brother sensed something was off and he wanted to cuddle and sleep with me. But what did I do? I asked him to leave me alone so that i could cry to sleep thanks to my ex. I regret doing it today. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I lasted 17 hours of NC. I feel good about it. Is it a stepping stone? And I feel awful because I was stalking his whatsapp and he was online didnt bother to contact me. 1
pickflicker Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I lasted 17 hours of NC. I feel good about it. Is it a stepping stone? And I feel awful because I was stalking his whatsapp and he was online didnt bother to contact me. Do you need that app? Can you delete it? 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Do you need that app? Can you delete it? I do, I am in contact with one of my high school friends through whatsapp. I cant delete it and whenever I am on whatsapp its like something inside me that my hand automatically goes to his Name. But I am atleast proud of not contacting but this is worse. Stalking. 1
pickflicker Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I do, I am in contact with one of my high school friends through whatsapp. I cant delete it and whenever I am on whatsapp its like something inside me that my hand automatically goes to his Name. But I am atleast proud of not contacting but this is worse. Stalking. I don't understand, whatsapp just uses your phone number, right? Why can't you just text or call normally? You need to get rid of the app. Your friend will understand, ask them to install Viber or kik messenger. Or just contact them normally by text/phone. You don't need the app, you're just making excuses.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I don't understand, whatsapp just uses your phone number, right? Why can't you just text or call normally? You need to get rid of the app. Your friend will understand, ask them to install Viber or kik messenger. Or just contact them normally by text/phone. You don't need the app, you're just making excuses. Yea just the phone number. And I dont know we normally chat on whatsapp. So I should delete the app?
pickflicker Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Yea just the phone number. And I dont know we normally chat on whatsapp. So I should delete the app? Yes. Just text your friend normally, explain to them that you needed to delete the app. Viber & kik work just well. If they're a good friend, they'll understated. Get rid of the app and file your ex's number under "Do Not Answer". 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Hmm , Its difficult. Its like the last source of contact between me and my ex. You are right, maybe I am making excuses. I will try and delete the app. 1
Discover Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Bubbles...please..for your own good...lose everything from him no matter how hard is it..don't look at it..don't stare at it..don't even think about it...now go and eat...i will be telling you that you should eat everyday ... 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thank you for caring And I ate just a while ago. I couldnt though and I ate very little , it wont go down. And thank you ! 1
hea Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 god break ups are hard! I think you should pull away. do not beg or cry in front of him, argue with him, call him names etc. If you do these things, when you finally move on, you'll cringe at yourself. And it will also push him further away. Accept what hes saying and tell him, maturely, how you feel, then you will have no regrets. If he still sticks to the 'I don't love you' then walk away. Go NC and do things for yourself! It will be hard and probably last a long time but it happens to everyone. Don't feel like your the only one whos ever felt this because believe me your not. Its a crippling feeling, and all you can think about is them and how can you get them back. It is awful but you will pull through. 2
fixing Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Dont fret honey. You will come though this. Stay strong. And maintain complete no contact. This jerk has just broken your heart so you need to be around friends and family. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Accept what hes saying and tell him, maturely, how you feel, then you will have no regrets. If he still sticks to the 'I don't love you' then walk away. Go NC and do things for yourself! It will be hard and probably last a long time but it happens to everyone. Don't feel like your the only one whos ever felt this because believe me your not. Its a crippling feeling, and all you can think about is them and how can you get them back. It is awful but you will pull through. I did. I didnt call him names or anything. I am on NC , today was my 1st day and it was hard as hell. I went out shopping got some clothes etc etc. I already told him I loved him after he broke up and his answer was same that he doesnt love me. I know there is no hope.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I have a question. Do I return our engagement ring to him? Along with other stuff he gave me?
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