guest572 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It is frustrating but he was confused and reluctant to end things. I also wrote pretend letters just to get everything out of my head and into print. This was quite therapeutic. I did not send them, just had a good old rant. It helped me to understand and express my feelings.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Thats something which i am willing to try as well. I am glad things are better. They will be better. You didnt deserve that.
guest572 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I also completely lost my appetite and stopped eating for a few days but try to drink plenty of water. I'm still eating very little. It'll gradually come back I suppose.
Iguanna Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 All I know is I want him back or I need a proper closure. From what you say I think you don't really really 100% love him, but you can't accept the fact that 3 years will be "lost" like this without a reason. But he gave you a reason: he doesn't love you anymore. I think that love doesn't vanish, but instead it was never there in the first place. Yes he cared, yes he desired you, yes he was in love with you, but he never deeply and wholeheartedly loved you, and now it's the time he realized it for whatever reason, maybe he has met someone else and he wants to feel free to go for it or maybe he stopped being happy, I don't know. The proper closure you want, you won't find it. I know it would be better for you if he was a jerk, if he would abuse you and make you hate him, if he would tell you he cheated, etc, but the pure truth is, he doesn't love you anymore. You can fight everything except from that. You can't do anything to make him love you or un-love you. The end has come, keep your dignity and spare yourself the harsh truths. Take the good memories, the experience, the wisdom, and move on to your next love. Between me and you, you didn't really love him, you loved the position of being in a serious relationship. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I did love him and I still love him , no matter what I do. He is the only one I can think about. And it hurts like physical pain? But worse. I know almost all of you have gone through it. I am going Nc because this is my feeble attempt , an explanation to me that he will come aroind, though deep inside i know he wont. I know he stopped all I want to know why and what did I do? I need to know. I deserve to know. Was it someone else? Or what was ot.
ayudorama Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I know he stopped all I want to know why and what did I do? I need to know. I deserve to know. Was it someone else? Or what was ot. What I learnt from my recent separation is this: No amount of answers can and will placate the dull ache in my heart. You will come to a point where you realise that you can never truly know what is in their heart, and that no matter what reasons they gave for walking away, it will never suffice. I never got the answers to my questions. I have come to accept that I never will. But I also know that none of it would have mattered. He left me. Walked right out of my life without looking back. That is enough reason to let go and move on. 2
RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If I may...... In my situation, I too was broken up by text because he didn't know how he felt about me anymore. I desperately wanted answers and blamed myself. We didn't talk for three months after that break up text. We went back and forth between us for another two months over our joint financial stuff. The whole time we were in contact it was such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I could get a grasp on my thoughts for the life of me. I still wanted answers. I ended contact early November because I felt I was going crazy. As the weeks passed, I could tell I was calmer, I was more in control of my thoughts. I was beginning to feel normal again. Middle of December, I got all those answers that I so desperately warned and let me tell you, it set me back quite a bit. I was better off not knowing. Its now double the work for me to get back to starting to feel normal again. This was a seven year relationship and we were engaged as well. You're stronger thank you think. You can do this
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 ^^ you really think NC will help? I am still talking to him. And he is clear about not being with me.
RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 ^^ you really think NC will help? I am still talking to him. And he is clear about not being with me. I'm only saying what I am currently going through. I am a bit older than you and have been through other breakups before, though none have been as traumatic..although I didn't learn as much from the other breakups as I have learned from this one. It hurts, I know. The man I thought he was would never have given up on us. But in my case, the man I thought he was, it was all an act and who he really was came through at the end. And I don't want people in my life if they dont want to be there. 2
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Im so sorry about your loss I made a topic when my ex broke up with me. It was May 2013. I was shivering and crying hysterical when I came on here to write about it. He was just in the next room. He had just broken up with me It sickens me to recount it:( I'm okay now. I've moved on. I promise it gets better. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I read somewhere it takes half the age of relationship to get over the person. Is it true? And same was the case with me. I have been hysterically crying and starving myself for 30 hrs now. 1
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I'm so sorry. I was where you are last April. Blindsided after 3 years. I couldn't eat and had anxiety for days, so I know it's like a physical pain. I too wanted answers, but I never got them. After all of the taking and crying, there was never an explanation that satisfied me or that I could understand. Please don't look for answers because you likely won't find them. That seems to be a common theme among posters here. An of us are wanting answers we never get. The only thing you can do is go NC and let go of hope. Everyone will tell you this from personal experience. It's so hard and awful, but it's the only way. I know it's hard to comprehend, and the denial is normal for awhile. I kept taking to my ex for 4 months after our breakup, and it was such a mistake. It allowed me to live in denial, and that is dangerous. 4
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I read somewhere it takes half the age of relationship to get over the person. Is it true? And same was the case with me. I have been hysterically crying and starving myself for 30 hrs now. It was like an unreal dream. Such sadness and disbelief. Had our two years really ended? For good? . It was truly sickening. I can't believe he did it via text. Well done for listening to people. I sure didn't listen during my break up. I can see I am better off without my ex NOW. At the time though, I wish I listened to people on here more. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I'm so sorry. I was where you are last April. Blindsided after 3 years. I couldn't eat and had anxiety for days, so I know it's like a physical pain. I too wanted answers, but I never got them. After all of the taking and crying, there was never an explanation that satisfied me or that I could understand. Please don't look for answers because you likely won't find them. That seems to be a common theme among posters here. An of us are wanting answers we never get. The only thing you can do is go NC and let go of hope. Everyone will tell you this from personal experience. It's so hard and awful, but it's the only way. I know it's hard to comprehend, and the denial is normal for awhile. I kept taking to my ex for 4 months after our breakup, and it was such a mistake. It allowed me to live in denial, and that is dangerous. I am scared. I dont know what is happening to me. How could he suddenly change. I look at one thing and it reminds me of him then I try to distract me and the same thing happens. Its like he has taken over my mind. I cant stop thinking about him! And he texted me he wanted us to be friends, I told him a no. And is it bad I have been feeling there must be someone else because of whom this happened all of a sudden? I dont know I cant let go of it. All I want to do is lie down and listen to sad music, I feel depressed. And when i see him , he is least affected. It hurts me more then, I feel like a part of me died.
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It was like an unreal dream. Such sadness and disbelief. Had our two years really ended? For good? . It was truly sickening. I can't believe he did it via text. Well done for listening to people. I sure didn't listen during my break up. I can see I am better off without my ex NOW. At the time though, I wish I listened to people on here more. I did the same thing. Didn't listen to anyone on here or any of my friends and family. I was one of those stubborn ones who thought I was different. I learned the hard way. 1
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am scared. I dont know what is happening to me. How could he suddenly change. I look at one thing and it reminds me of him then I try to distract me and the same thing happens. Its like he has taken over my mind. I cant stop thinking about him! And he texted me he wanted us to be friends, I told him a no. And is it bad I have been feeling there must be someone else because of whom this happened all of a sudden? I dont know I cant let go of it. All I want to do is lie down and listen to sad music, I feel depressed. And when i see him , he is least affected. It hurts me more then, I feel like a part of me died. Realizing that someone can change so quickly was quite difficult for me too. I still don't really understand it, but I'm not sure there is anything to understand. You did the right thing by denying the friendship. 1
RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am scared. I dont know what is happening to me. How could he suddenly change. I look at one thing and it reminds me of him then I try to distract me and the same thing happens. Its like he has taken over my mind. I cant stop thinking about him! And he texted me he wanted us to be friends, I told him a no. And is it bad I have been feeling there must be someone else because of whom this happened all of a sudden? I dont know I cant let go of it. All I want to do is lie down and listen to sad music, I feel depressed. And when i see him , he is least affected. It hurts me more then, I feel like a part of me died. It IS scary. There are still times when I don't know what is happening to me. Heck, I just posted a new thread last night because I was so emotional and didn't have a grip on my thoughts. I went to bed and woke up calmer with a clearer mentality. Eight months later. I too, stayed in contact for much longer than I should have because I believed that my situation was different. And as said by others, it only prolonged my pain and healing. As Ive read on here, now is the time for you to be selfish and think about YOU and your healing.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I thought I would take out all my vent up sadness in writing since writing has always calmed me down a bit atleast. I woke up feeling pain and hurt. I had the scars on my face where my mascara had ran down after the day we had. I didnt want to get up from the bed , I wanted it to be a bad dream. I wanted it to go away. I wanted to wake up. I wanted him next to me like always. I had never thought he would be the one to say those words to me , say that he doesnt love me anymore all of a sudden and that too on a text! A STUPID text. After 3 years (almost), we were engaged to cry out loud! But I did the biggest mistake of contacting him , pleading , begging (literally) to tell me it was a mistake. How can someone go from deeply in love to not even liking the person? True love never does that. Does it? And how did he react? He was cold as ice and said it was true. Did I mention the pain? It was almost physical like a part of me is dead. I had nothing else to do than google what to do and I came across this forum. I read posts after posts, read how I wasnt alone in this. There have been people who survived such break ups and are doing great. I wanted help so I made my thread "Boyfriend doesnt love me anymore" and to be honest people have helped me alot. I didnt expect it would be this helpful but it has. I know I should do NC and I am going to. I was just talking to him asking him to tell me for the last time he doesnt love me and this is real and he did without hesitation. How could he I dont know? He didnt even bother to ask me how I was holding up. Nothing. And I gave him 3 years and we were blissful. I wanted to fight for him , wanted to fight for us. I asked him for 3 days ( I know I shouldnt have , I realised after so many helpful people showed me it was a bad idea) and I made another mistake by asking him to come over to have a conversation with me since I felt we both deserved it, a text cant decide the fate ( Again I know a big mistake) but here people made me realise it was a bad idea so I asked him not to come and denied his request to be friends, though it hurt and I sure dont know what it means now but I will in future hopefully. I have been on my bed for 32 hours now and havent eaten a single thing. He knows that now. And usually he would care but the way he is being now is making it sound more and more real. This is REAL. I know I am in denial. Even in my heart I have hope. I wish I didnt but I do. I love him still and I wish I never did. Its time to sleep anyway but I am scared of my nightmares. I cant sleep and right now I need him more than anything. People say talk to friends and family but I have none around me. I gave up friends to make this work and family, I am not even close to them. So I am on my own. And I wish one day I would be writing "Day 200 I am over him" here. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I know since everyone is asking me to go NC then i should rather than regret later but there is still that f**king hope , I just wish it didnt exist
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I know since everyone is asking me to go NC then i should rather than regret later but there is still that f**king hope , I just wish it didnt exist Hope is bad in this instance. It's bad after a breakup because it's not realistic. When people are done, they are done. One thing I have realized is that I projected my feelings about the relationship onto my ex. I thought that because I felt so strongly and wanted to save it, surely he felt the same. I couldn't wrap my mind around him doing a 180. Trying to understand someone else is impossible, and we can only be responsible for ourselves. As much as it hurts and is hard to believe, you must realize that he is done and no longer wants to invest in a relationship with you. It doesn't matter why, and it does not reflect your self worth. It's hard to digest. I know firsthand, and it's a pain like no other. 4
Discover Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am not the person who is going to give you the best advice as i am only 18..i broke up with my girlfriend (first) two weeks ago and it is hard so hard for me..i can't even imagine it for you..sorry that you have to feel like this but... Hey,cmon..cheer up..get some sleep..It is hard i know..if you don't have friends..try here..hell even i will write to you don't worry ! I am not over her..i mean..it hurts..but i am realizing some things now.. About your friends..don't be so sure..did the same thing with my life and friends..go to your family they will never turn you down...NEVER! If they do..care to write here .. Don't beat yourself..i tried begging as well..and felt stupid for doing so cause it felt..feels like the person i loved for so long is gone and i see a different story..makes me cry..but life goes on..sadly.. So go and eat and have some sleep..if not for you..do it for me..that 18 year-old boy who did everything he could for that one girl..and in time..try to do more and more things for yourself... Smile.. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I am not the person who is going to give you the best advice as i am only 18..i broke up with my girlfriend (first) two weeks ago and it is hard so hard for me..i can't even imagine it for you..sorry that you have to feel like this but... Hey,cmon..cheer up..get some sleep..It is hard i know..if you don't have friends..try here..hell even i will write to you don't worry ! I am not over her..i mean..it hurts..but i am realizing some things now.. About your friends..don't be so sure..did the same thing with my life and friends..go to your family they will never turn you down...NEVER! If they do..care to write here .. Don't beat yourself..i tried begging as well..and felt stupid for doing so cause it felt..feels like the person i loved for so long is gone and i see a different story..makes me cry..but life goes on..sadly.. So go and eat and have some sleep..if not for you..do it for me..that 18 year-old boy who did everything he could for that one girl..and in time..try to do more and more things for yourself... Smile.. That was really inspiring. I had read what happened with you and your girlfriend. You didnt deserve it either. And I dont really have friends. I had pushed my friends away 3 years ago and I regret it. I am alone anyway and family..well lets just say they arent supportive. Never had a normal family since childhood so i dont think I am even comfortable with them. And eat and sleep are the 2 things which no matter how many times I make my mind to do , I just cant. I cant. Then this realization struck that he isnt here anymore to be here for me. And it hurts more than a physical pain.
Discover Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Don't worry.. I am here for you..everyone here is..as strange as it may sound..let's just say that if i can make you feel at least better every time you post something like this,this will help me feel better as well.. So,firstly...get up..go and eat..eat something good for your health! Keep your mind of things listen to music...play a musical instrument if you can or draw..or just listen..explore art throughout your eyes and ears...eases you more or less you will see! Go to bed..before that have a hot shower and try to think about nothing..actually play some awesome music and go insane, shout..let it out..don't let yourself cry..try..just suck it up for a second and if it is too hard then cry..go to bed..watch a good movie..and just relax...and watch this video (sorry it is kinda of a interest of mine) and listen to the song..you can relate...we all can ! 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Don't worry.. I am here for you..everyone here is..as strange as it may sound..let's just say that if i can make you feel at least better every time you post something like this,this will help me feel better as well.. So,firstly...get up..go and eat..eat something good for your health! Keep your mind of things listen to music...play a musical instrument if you can or draw..or just listen..explore art throughout your eyes and ears...eases you more or less you will see! Go to bed..before that have a hot shower and try to think about nothing..actually play some awesome music and go insane, shout..let it out..don't let yourself cry..try..just suck it up for a second and if it is too hard then cry..go to bed..watch a good movie..and just relax...and watch this video (sorry it is kinda of a interest of mine) and listen to the song..you can relate...we all can ! Thank you for this , means alot to me. And I ate something though throughout I felt like I was going to be sick and throw up. Is it weird even the food reminds me of him? And I hope you are doing ok as well , you can talk to me as well. I might not be much help in this state but you inspired me with the way you are holding on. And I am too grateful to everyone who is trying to help me! I dont even think my so called friends would have heard this much of ramblings.
Recommended Posts