BC1980 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Its okay I was just having a breakdown.. It's normal in the beginning. For the first few months, I would feel myself starting to cry at work, and I would have to go to the bathroom. It's just so raw in the beginning, and there are so many memories. 9 months later, my daily life has no relevance to his anymore, but it was tough in the beginning. Keep NC like your life depends on it. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Its okay I was just having a breakdown.. Awwww. I had one too yesterday. Sucks, eh? How are you feeling this morning? Wait.....I'm going to use my Psychic powers: A bit down and had a rough night...... 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Awwww. I had one too yesterday. Sucks, eh? How are you feeling this morning? Wait.....I'm going to use my Psychic powers: A bit down and had a rough night...... Exactly? Moreover the day wasnt good either Found out he HAS moved on. How are you feeling?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Exactly? Moreover the day wasnt good either Found out he HAS moved on. How are you feeling? I'm good. I just miss my kid. On the way home
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 I'm good. I just miss my kid. On the way home Aww If its him in the picture I must say he is adorable little thing! 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Aww If its him in the picture I must say he is adorable little thing! That's my daughter. She's a sweetheart. Glad you think so. What's on the menu for today to make your life bright and exciting? 1
billyjotomas Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 My last ex before my husband did this. Together 2.5 years, engaged. Dumped me six weeks before the wedding. It was absolute Hell and I was heartbroken. It took ages to get completely over because he blind-sided me. He was heavily conflict-avoidant. He later told me that he expected me to "get the hints he repeatedly left." But not having the same life-context as him I didn't understand things like "when we are walking together by the river and I skip rocks, it means I don't want to hold hands this time we walk." (I mean WTF, seriously). That doesn't mean that we didn't fight. But it meant that he wasn't self-honest or honest with me about the issues that bothered him in the relationship. Period. He let his resentment fester and didn't let me know in any meaningful way. He treated me pretty consistently throughout the relationship so I had no idea how bad things were getting for him (I can see in hindsight they were bad). But conflict-avoidance is NOT a trait that you wamt in a mate. They either end up hating you longterm, feeling like YOU are the source of their pain. Bailing on relationships or cheating on you because "you don't understand and appreciate them like Easy Suzy down the road." But they can't divorce you because "then that would really upset you and I would be 'out on the street.' Even if he tells you 101 things that "you did wrong" or were "wrong with the relationship" it's still on HIM. Because he didn't bring it to YOU so you guys could tackle it as a team. I feel sorry that you are going through this. It's going to hurt like Hell. Be very, very kind to yourself. Don't fight for this. You'll only feel like you degraded yourself for someone that disrespected you. It took ages to get completely over because he blind-sided me. He was heavily conflict-avoidant. He later told me that he expected me to "get the hints he repeatedly left." But not having the same life-context as him I didn't understand things like "when we are walking together by the river and I skip rocks, it means I don't want to hold hands this time we walk." (I mean WTF, seriously). The bits where you said blindsided and avoid confrontation same with my ex gf...****ing 3 days before xmas and im accused of groping women when i didnt and she saying she didnt love me. Everyone is like do no contact, but i want her to delete my pictures
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 That's my daughter. She's a sweetheart. Glad you think so. What's on the menu for today to make your life bright and exciting? She seems lovely And your presence only lightens the atmosphere PS : Ex unblocks me texts me "I dont want you to contact me ever" , Apparently he is getting hate on facebook (?) I am not on it and then he blocks me again . What the f**k is happening to him? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 She seems lovely And your presence only lightens the atmosphere PS : Ex unblocks me texts me "I dont want you to contact me ever" , Apparently he is getting hate on facebook (?) I am not on it and then he blocks me again . What the f**k is happening to him? This is the fits he's throwing. He will pitch a fit. Clearly things aren't going his way. What do you mean "he's getting hate on FB?" AND you aren't on facebook? Really? 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 This is the fits he's throwing. He will pitch a fit. Clearly things aren't going his way. What do you mean "he's getting hate on FB?" AND you aren't on facebook? Really? hate due to the breakup? People know the reason so they are probably hating on him over there? And No I am not , I havent gotton on in 5 days. And he is blaming me for it? Jesus.. 1
billyjotomas Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I will do that. I just texted him not to come if he doesnt want it. He doesnt have to do things for me. I told him. And all he replies is he doesnt know if he wants to come or not. I guess thats my answer. And I will try my best to go NC on him. But what of I suddenly have a weak moment? What do I do then? if you have a weak moment come on here and vent and get support
billyjotomas Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I did love him and I still love him , no matter what I do. He is the only one I can think about. And it hurts like physical pain? But worse. I know almost all of you have gone through it. I am going Nc because this is my feeble attempt , an explanation to me that he will come aroind, though deep inside i know he wont. I know he stopped all I want to know why and what did I do? I need to know. I deserve to know. Was it someone else? Or what was ot. All your doing is stopping any future guy that will actually love you, 1
billyjotomas Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Hope is bad in this instance. It's bad after a breakup because it's not realistic. When people are done, they are done. One thing I have realized is that I projected my feelings about the relationship onto my ex. I thought that because I felt so strongly and wanted to save it, surely he felt the same. I couldn't wrap my mind around him doing a 180. Trying to understand someone else is impossible, and we can only be responsible for ourselves. As much as it hurts and is hard to believe, you must realize that he is done and no longer wants to invest in a relationship with you. It doesn't matter why, and it does not reflect your self worth. It's hard to digest. I know firsthand, and it's a pain like no other. this post has actually helped me on my ex...beautiful post 2
CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I will do that. I just texted him not to come if he doesnt want it. He doesnt have to do things for me. I told him. And all he replies is he doesnt know if he wants to come or not. I guess thats my answer. And I will try my best to go NC on him. But what of I suddenly have a weak moment? What do I do then? ???? Stop texting him. Stop all contact with him. Give him PLENTY OF TIME where he doesn't hear from you (weeks/months). If his heart changes, he will reach out to you. If he doesn't, no loss to you anyway. Why waste time chasing someone that does NOT want to be caught by YOU?! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 ???? Stop texting him. Stop all contact with him. Give him PLENTY OF TIME where he doesn't hear from you (weeks/months). If his heart changes, he will reach out to you. If he doesn't, no loss to you anyway. Why waste time chasing someone that does NOT want to be caught by YOU?! I did I havent been in contact with him! If he really did love me he would come back but I doubt ill take him back. If be diesnt xome back? I will move on ! 1
CaliGuy Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I did I havent been in contact with him! If he really did love me he would come back but I doubt ill take him back. If be diesnt xome back? I will move on ! That's the right attitude. "Don't chase something that doesn't want to be caught by you..." In the same context, if they aren't treating you like the most important thing in the world (aside from God), then you are wasting your time and energy and draining yourself emotionally. Focus on YOU, get yourself emotionally and physically healthy (takes time) and after a while, you'll no longer have those feelings. They will fade, I promise, you just have to learn to live and let go! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 That's the right attitude. "Don't chase something that doesn't want to be caught by you..." In the same context, if they aren't treating you like the most important thing in the world (aside from God), then you are wasting your time and energy and draining yourself emotionally. Focus on YOU, get yourself emotionally and physically healthy (takes time) and after a while, you'll no longer have those feelings. They will fade, I promise, you just have to learn to live and let go! True words ! And rightly said. I am not a freaking second option. I am trying my best and of course following your guide to NC which is helping me cope up. Thank you ! 2
CaliGuy Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 True words ! And rightly said. I am not a freaking second option. I am trying my best and of course following your guide to NC which is helping me cope up. Thank you ! You're welcome. Besides, CaliGuy is still single, so one man's trash is another man's TREASURE! 1
redbaron005 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 ...I am not a freaking second option. Good for you! 1
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