SleeplessinSanFran Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 if his patterns have changed...there is something else going on. I would look him in the eye and challenge what he is saying...there is always a story sleeplesssanfran 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 To be honest, I feel sick at the moment. I dont know what and why it is happening but I kind of see his point. He didnt want a relationship because he felt trapped. I mean I made him feel that didnt I? I suddenly cant stop thinking that . I was just reading the convo where he said he didnt want to talk to me im past 2 days , I was reading it so I could hate him. But I accidently saw the part where he said he felt trapped. What if the fault is me? Shouldnt I be working on myself?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 To be honest, I feel sick at the moment. I dont know what and why it is happening but I kind of see his point. He didnt want a relationship because he felt trapped. I mean I made him feel that didnt I? I suddenly cant stop thinking that . I was just reading the convo where he said he didnt want to talk to me im past 2 days , I was reading it so I could hate him. But I accidently saw the part where he said he felt trapped. What if the fault is me? Shouldnt I be working on myself? Helloooooo......Bubble....... There's a scene in my favorite movie..The Wedding Singer. His fiancee leaves him at the altar and then comes back and half-ass apologizes. "I realized that I was never gonna leave Ridgefield".....etc. And Robbie gets pissed (not too bad though)....... "Once again.....Information that would've been useful YESTERDAY!" He didn't tell you within the relationship He might've felt trapped. But it is hard to evaluate if "you" were trapping him or if he just has issues. My bet is on the latter considering how he handled those feelings and when he presented them to you. You see, if he would've provided the info you could've asked "what behaviours" triggered that response. I don't say this often in here.....but you seem very self-reflective. I honestly think this is him.... 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Helloooooo......Bubble....... There's a scene in my favorite movie..The Wedding Singer. His fiancee leaves him at the altar and then comes back and half-ass apologizes. "I realized that I was never gonna leave Ridgefield".....etc. And Robbie gets pissed (not too bad though)....... "Once again.....Information that would've been useful YESTERDAY!" He didn't tell you within the relationship He might've felt trapped. But it is hard to evaluate if "you" were trapping him or if he just has issues. My bet is on the latter considering how he handled those feelings and when he presented them to you. You see, if he would've provided the info you could've asked "what behaviours" triggered that response. I don't say this often in here.....but you seem very self-reflective. I honestly think this is him.... Hello Thank you for your reply.. I guess you are right. But I most certainly will try to improve myself if it was the case. And I havent seen the movie but most certainly will now that I am free. Yea, i wish he was more honest with me for my own good. I am doing fine right? I am scared to loose myself. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Its weird but I suddenly feel better after talking to everyone here. And thank you for helping out dreamingoftigers. *hugs* 1
hea Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It is so not you, he has an issue with being in a relationship. My ex did, he was scared of commitment and thought the grass was greener, and he came back a year later, only to break up with me 10 months later for a different reason! I don't take any of it personally because I know I put 100% effort in to making him happy and forgot about the happiness I deserved. Its totally him, we were great together, never argued, was the best of friends and he ups and leaves again. If he had issues about you in the relationship, he should have told you when you were together so you could see if you could work it out. Not end it, then tell you. It is purely selfish. He has only thought about his feelings, and not thought about how you feel or would feel if the relationship ended. Being in love is not about yourself, its about the happiness of the one you love. Can you honestly say you put a good amount of effort in the relationship to make him happy? Did he do the same? 3
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 It is so not you, he has an issue with being in a relationship. My ex did, he was scared of commitment and thought the grass was greener, and he came back a year later, only to break up with me 10 months later for a different reason! I don't take any of it personally because I know I put 100% effort in to making him happy and forgot about the happiness I deserved. Its totally him, we were great together, never argued, was the best of friends and he ups and leaves again. If he had issues about you in the relationship, he should have told you when you were together so you could see if you could work it out. Not end it, then tell you. It is purely selfish. He has only thought about his feelings, and not thought about how you feel or would feel if the relationship ended. Being in love is not about yourself, its about the happiness of the one you love. Can you honestly say you put a good amount of effort in the relationship to make him happy? Did he do the same? I did, I gave my 100% but since no one is perfect I am sure there must be something I did. I dont claim to be perfect, I made mistakes I am sure. I just wish i could have known it before so I could work on it, so I could just have a shot to show I can do it. But I guess not, just a lesson for future. And I did my 100% to make him happy and to make him open upto me.I would have lacked somewhere.
hea Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I gave my 100% but since no one is perfect I am sure there must be something I did. Exactly!!! No one is perfect! You are who you are and even if he doesn't love you for that someone else will. I know saying that does not help with the hurt of the break up, but I guarantee it will get better. Ive been through it, and I probably felt as bad as you do at one point. Now im in a position where I think forget him, he wasn't all that! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I help urgent help. So I had asked one of my guy friends to contact my ex aka "jerkface" to ask him to collect his stuff since I am Nc. So my friend, lets call him C contacted ex asking about when he wll collect the stuff so I could leave the home and not have to see him. Ex didnt know who C was. So Ex texted me a screenshot of C's text asking me who it was. I ignored his text and he texted again saying he was with his dad..? (like I care?) What do I do? Should I reply telling its my friend?
hea Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ignore. Does he need to know who you mate is? What was important is that he was asking him to collect his stuff. He doesn't need to know who the text was from. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thats what I was thinking because my friend C just sent him a normal text asking when he was collecting stuff. I asked C to text him again saying he was my friend. I did right? 1
clia Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I don't understand why you are so concerned about having him collect his stuff. If he hasn't asked for it, why should you care? Why is this your problem? Just ignore his message and drop it. If he wanted his stuff back, he would have asked for it via text when he broke up with you. Has he offered to give you your stuff back? Throw his stuff in a box and hold onto it for about a month. After that, if he doesn't ask for it back, throw it out. Keep the ring unless he asks for it back(which I doubt he will). Put the ring out of sight for now and decide what to do with it in a year when you have a clear head. 2
RaidDolEm78 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hi bubble You sound like me in sooo many ways. I was beating myself up over every single reason why he left. The things everybody is saying to you is the truth. If you know you gave 110% in the relationship, then its on him. It took me months to just accept this. I still have some trouble with it though. Not as much as I used to, but some. I think you'll be just fine. You sound like an awesome person. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I don't understand why you are so concerned about having him collect his stuff. If he hasn't asked for it, why should you care? Why is this your problem? Just ignore his message and drop it. If he wanted his stuff back, he would have asked for it via text when he broke up with you. Has he offered to give you your stuff back? Throw his stuff in a box and hold onto it for about a month. After that, if he doesn't ask for it back, throw it out. Keep the ring unless he asks for it back(which I doubt he will). Put the ring out of sight for now and decide what to do with it in a year when you have a clear head. Clia , I have the engagement ring and like everyone said I should return it and also he did. I have ignored his text. I cant keep the ring its painful when i see it.
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Hi bubble You sound like me in sooo many ways. I was beating myself up over every single reason why he left. The things everybody is saying to you is the truth. If you know you gave 110% in the relationship, then its on him. It took me months to just accept this. I still have some trouble with it though. Not as much as I used to, but some. I think you'll be just fine. You sound like an awesome person. Its always good to hear from people with similar experiences. I feel better thank you I hope you are doing fine And My friend C texted ex that he was my friend and he even added "she doesnt want to talk to you":lmao: :lmao: I mean is it bad I find it funny? C said that ex just said "Ooh" and I dont feel any remorse. 1
Zahara Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Its always good to hear from people with similar experiences. I feel better thank you I hope you are doing fine And My friend C texted ex that he was my friend and he even added "she doesnt want to talk to you":lmao: :lmao: I mean is it bad I find it funny? C said that ex just said "Ooh" and I dont feel any remorse. As I said, and sooner than I thought, he spouted off the "can we be friends" shytt. What a clown. I'm so proud of you for not engaging with him, Bubble. It takes a lot of courage and restraint to do this and you're doing wonderful. If I were you, I would have packed his crap and mailed it off. You could have finally shut that door and severed any and all ties that he had to you. In any case, stuff all his things in a box and pass it to C. If C is nice enough to get the garbage off your hands, let him go and deal with the ex. You have no reason to feel any remorse. Your only responsibility now is to yourself and to cut yourself away from him. 3
xUnknown Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Its always good to hear from people with similar experiences. I feel better thank you I hope you are doing fine And My friend C texted ex that he was my friend and he even added "she doesnt want to talk to you":lmao: :lmao: I mean is it bad I find it funny? C said that ex just said "Ooh" and I dont feel any remorse. Did you end up doing that 3 day thing? I hope you decided to just start NC and NOT "fight" for him like you mentioned in your first post. 17 pages is a lot to read up on, so please don't blame me for not reading everything. Sounds from like the last message that you are doing NC and working past it all. That is GREAT! You must keep NC! It hurts, but its the only way. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 As I said, and sooner than I thought, he spouted off the "can we be friends" shytt. What a clown. I'm so proud of you for not engaging with him, Bubble. It takes a lot of courage and restraint to do this and you're doing wonderful. If I were you, I would have packed his crap and mailed it off. You could have finally shut that door and severed any and all ties that he had to you. In any case, stuff all his things in a box and pass it to C. If C is nice enough to get the garbage off your hands, let him go and deal with the ex. You have no reason to feel any remorse. Your only responsibility now is to yourself and to cut yourself away from him. I did and I am letting C be the intermediary. I am not going to be around when he comes over. Since his stuff is all around I cant be bothered looking for it and I want it gone. I just cant face him or his stuff not now when I just started NC. And I know! I mean I didnt really contact him today and I feel strong and in control. Did you end up doing that 3 day thing? I hope you decided to just start NC and NOT "fight" for him like you mentioned in your first post. 17 pages is a lot to read up on, so please don't blame me for not reading everything. Sounds from like the last message that you are doing NC and working past it all. That is GREAT! You must keep NC! It hurts, but its the only way. No I didnt. I let the 3 days go like everyone of you suggested. It was hard but everyone here knows what they are talking about so I let it go. I have stopped fighting for him. He doesnt deserve it. And Yea 17 pages are too much but the end is thanks to eveyone I know I am better off without him. 2
Zahara Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I did and I am letting C be the intermediary. I am not going to be around when he comes over. Since his stuff is all around I cant be bothered looking for it and I want it gone. I just cant face him or his stuff not now when I just started NC. . It's good that you have C to take this off your hands. I hope clown man gets to getting his things picked up and out of your hair soon. Are you eating? Did you sleep some? 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 It's good that you have C to take this off your hands. I hope clown man gets to getting his things picked up and out of your hair soon. Are you eating? Did you sleep some? Clown Man :lmao: , Zahara believe it or not you always end up making me laugh. Thank you. And I ate today, I saw my pattern I have been eating once in 2 days but I ate properly (I think?) today and i try sleeping. Its a little scary but I am holding on just fine. Somedays are better than the rest. 1
Zahara Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Clown Man :lmao: , Zahara believe it or not you always end up making me laugh. Thank you. And I ate today, I saw my pattern I have been eating once in 2 days but I ate properly (I think?) today and i try sleeping. Its a little scary but I am holding on just fine. Somedays are better than the rest. I'm happy to hear that! Give yourself much credit. You're doing better than most of us could ever do after a break-up 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Clown Man :lmao: , Zahara believe it or not you always end up making me laugh. Thank you. And I ate today, I saw my pattern I have been eating once in 2 days but I ate properly (I think?) today and i try sleeping. Its a little scary but I am holding on just fine. Somedays are better than the rest. Clown Man, Jerkface..... The real purpose of LS is to come up with very juvenile names for exes. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm happy to hear that! Give yourself much credit. You're doing better than most of us could ever do after a break-up She listens a heck of a lot better than most who pop in post-breakup. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Clown Man, Jerkface..... The real purpose of LS is to come up with very juvenile names for exes. I cant forget Jerkface either. :lmao: I actually was on the verge of crying and this post cracked me up! And thank you! I would have gone insane without you all. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Ok so clownface's mom contacts me, seems like he wasnt told his mom we are over. She has always liked me. She contacts me and I feel bad for not talking to her so I talk to her and she had no idea we were over so I didnt tell her , its his news to tell anyway though she kept bringing him in the conversation I tried my best to dodge it. Hearing his name is painful. What do I do now? His mother is a nice woman I dont want to be harsh to her. Oh god he is an Ass, his mom was whatsapping me and she kind of let it out that clownface was sitting next to him and laughing reading our conversation (me and his mom's) what the f**k? Why cant he just tell her? Edited January 29, 2014 by bubblesbursted
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