Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I know that is one of the many things that has me so confused...He has said all along that it is very important to him that his kids respect him so it makes no sense to me that he would tell his son.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I am starting to second guess myself and question the things that he says to and I am not liking the picture I see. Someday's I just wait to end it with him but I don't want her not to know about me.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I want her to know but I just don't want him to know that I told her...I so tried of the game and if her son really knows OMG it will be even worst for her if she ever finds that out.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Thank you very much...you have a real good point. I am now starting to step back and take a good look at the whole thing. Every word he has said to me is playing over in my head. I am questioning what has been the truth and what isn't...It is all so messed up.
sunburned Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Thank you for your reply and as I read all the others I can see that I may be a bigger fool then I had thought. So you think I should just call her and tell her or should I do it face to face? Most of us on this board are, myself included, so no worries there. Just do the right thing. Why would you want a relationship with a guy whose wife has given him the boot 3x? End it with him. You can always let her know down the road if you choose to tell. And, if you do, do it as yourself -- not incognito.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 He'll hate me if I tell her but she needs to know. So many people already know and I am so tried of the whole affair secret.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Great point...never even thought that far ahead of my owe messed up situation.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I am eight years younger than he is. I also have an adult son who I could never tell such things as I share here with all of you. This just adds to the confusion for me because I would throw myself willing under a bus before putting my son in that position.
Author SadieRose Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Thank you very much for your advise and I think I will put it to good use. Again thank so much.
daretotrustlove Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Your situation is very similar to mine. 5 yr LTR. He also told me the no sex with the W, true or not. I don't know. I thought I knew this man. He went home one day to tell the W, it was over. He broke down and told her about us. I doubt it was the whole truth. As it turned out, he let her make the choice for him. Weak, yes, that he would allow her to make his decission for him, as I sitting here waiting for him to show up. Now....I do wonder if he really even told her about us. Why do to all the trouble of the big show, I don't know. But, if he isn't ready to leave, he won't, regardless of his feelings for you. Its not a choice of what woman, it a choice of what life, what life is he comfortable with. This I have learned the hard way. He will now have a life of hell, making it up to her if he stays, I believe the average recovery is 2 to 5 years. Also, she will know who told on him, and she will use that against you, to show him, how rotten you are. How you betrayed him. She hasn't contacted me, yet....I don't know if she will. She also knew for a long time, that something was going on. A wife ususally knows when something is up with her husband. Yes, stupid I know, but I sit her in total devastation as the man I loved/love with everything that Iam probably threw me under the bus. If she wanted the truth, she would come to find out. I would suggest that you back away, tell him to leave it that's what he needs for himself. Then no one can come back and blame you. Then let him start unwinding that life to start another life with you. I'm so sorry to say, its probably not going to happen. If they want to leave, they will leave when they are ready, and regardless if you are there or not. But....I was wrong about my man, he stayed after everything he told me. So take your time, give him space, and see what happens.
Author SadieRose Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Thank you for your reply and chin up...we do desire better.
kalimata Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Sadie: Your MM sounds like a true player. Wants to have his nice family life and then have you as a mistress on the side. Unless something is done, he will continue to behave like this forever. You need to go full 100% NC with him and move on with your life. If you want to expose him, then do it in a better way. Here is the best way to end the affair and force him to choose: 1) Gather evidence of your affair with him. Do you have any emails, photos, hotel receipts, etc? 2) Without telling your MM what you are planning, suddenly expose the affair. Use the evidence you have gathered. Expose to his W, kids, other close friends that you both know, and anyone else that he is close to. 3) Confront immediately. Make him choose between you and the W. If he falters even a little bit, then immediately go NC. He will be in shock, but he needs to make a decision. His W will certainly make a passioned case for him to stay in the M. Its up to him to decide. Don't get involved at this point and sit by and wait for him to make up his mind. He can't keep wrecking the lives of two families like this any longer.
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