esquimi Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Hey you guys! first time i'm using a site like this...but i really need some input here...can't talk about it with my friends, they would think i'm insane^^ so, i have this special friend. we've known each other for over 3 years now, and the thing was like on again/off again. we were never committed, because we are both not so much into relationships. so if we meet, we cook together, talk, watch movies and have sex. It's like couple times a week. Our policy though is, dont ask dont tell, if it comes to other hook-ups. I've never gave a crap, but now, i dont know. We've been on a party on tuesday. As we were leaving and said bye to our friends, i've seen him talkin with a girl. Bad thing is, i know this girl, she's kinda of the ''college slut'', if you following me here i've seen them talkin on another party couple months ago, so they maybe know each other for a while.Nevertheless, i felt immediately uncomfy seen him talkin to that bi***. So we went home, i was already kinda drunk so i had forgotten about it quickly. Next day, i had to leave town and i still am away til monday. So on Thursday, i've seen that they ve become facebook friends...RED FLAG all over. Since then i'm goin crazy, i have no idea what is goin on there...i dont wanna text him either, because, that is acutally not something we do, if the other one is unavailable. But if i imagine that they share a bed or something, i got goosebumps all over myself...what STD's she might have etc. So i have no idea what to do here...should i ask him about her when i'm back? but as i said, we have this agreement...and i dont want him to think, this is some kinda jealousy... It is so bad with me, i keep checking his whatsapp timestamp...as i would think that would tell me something, if he has company or whatever:confused: really crazy i know...^^ but i dont know, if i just can keep goin with him, when i'm not knowing for sure...if this picture keeps popping up etc... please help me somehow:(
SYLLPalmer Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Do you and your fu3k buddy bareback? Do you play just the tip and then use a rubber for the finale? Do you perform oral on each other without the use of prophylaxis? When were you last tested? Regardless of weather or not you admit claiming this dude as your personal property you have. STDs have no boundaries, you need to place them. If you don't it is the **** end of the stick for you: all the dirt and none of the fun. It is really irresponsible to have a don't ask don't tell understanding. One of you is selling short. Frankly it sounds like your sudden concern for STDs is really just jealousy/insecurity that he found himself a new convenient fu3k buddy. I am sure she is not the first. Three years and no love? Only makes sense to have multi-partners. You may be the gold standard but he probably likes to have a couple of other remedies on hand when you don't make the cure. Out of care and concern: Wake up and get your shiet together girl! 3
Author esquimi Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Of course we use protection. I've been tested in August last, because i had for another two years some other friend and we agreed on being somehow exclusiv. But got tested on a regular basis for reassurement ( i know that in that issue, words can be just words ) For him now, since he's back on the picture in october, he had no others.i'm 100% sure about that. But i have talked to him already about getting tested himself. As for the 3 years and no love...i like him, of course i do. But he's barely my height...if i'm wearing shoes with a little heel, i'm already taller than him...that is a problem, i could never live with...otherwise, we may be together...you never know... but height doesn't matter in bed at all...and he's quite muscular too, which i think is totally hot. I guess i just must ask him about it...and hope he doesn't lie... Otherwise, right now, i have no idea how i might be reacting, if he tells me,that he did hook up with her...and if he was aware of, with who exactly he slept... But i already know, even if he says nothing is goin on, i wont believe it...my guts tell me otherwise^^ this is all messed up, my friends...
KatZee Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Well I mean, I'm not quite sure what you actually thought was going to happen. The fact you have been nothing but f.uck buddies for years, and have a "don't ask don't tell policy" about sleeping with other people. I mean come on. Why are you messing with this guy? Why don't you put your efforts into actually finding a guy who wants to be your boyfriend and not just someone who treats you as his own personal living blow up toy? He's free and clear to go screw whoever he wants, and since you agreed to these terms then there's nothing really to "ask" him about at all. The writing is all over the wall. Clearly he's sleeping with other people besides you, and yes, that includes the college slut. Stop sleeping with this guy, go get tested, and then move on with your life. 2
SYLLPalmer Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Of course we use protection. I've been tested in August last, because i had for another two years some other friend and we agreed on being somehow exclusiv. But got tested on a regular basis for reassurement ( i know that in that issue, words can be just words ) For him now, since he's back on the picture in october, he had no others.i'm 100% sure about that. But i have talked to him already about getting tested himself. As for the 3 years and no love...i like him, of course i do. But he's barely my height...if i'm wearing shoes with a little heel, i'm already taller than him...that is a problem, i could never live with...otherwise, we may be together...you never know... but height doesn't matter in bed at all...and he's quite muscular too, which i think is totally hot. I guess i just must ask him about it...and hope he doesn't lie... Otherwise, right now, i have no idea how i might be reacting, if he tells me,that he did hook up with her...and if he was aware of, with who exactly he slept... But i already know, even if he says nothing is goin on, i wont believe it...my guts tell me otherwise^^ this is all messed up, my friends... Here is the deal. You are using this guy for sex. Using others doesn't sit well with good people. My heart goes out to the little guy. I wonder if he knows. I suggest you: get yourself tested create an on-line dating profile with your requirements give up the kept man Why? Because you both deserve the real deal. You both are "Ego Trippin at the Gates of Hell" and good love is wasting all away. Peace
deathandtaxes Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You're jealous of this other woman. It's not about STD's. It's because you have FEELINGS for this guy.
spirius Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Without meaning to sound rude, maybe not feelings but as sense of ownership...I've known girls who hands down to not feel for guys in these situations, but didn't like them being with others. It doesn't sound like you should approach him about this girl. Whatever might have happened, it's no harm no foul under the terms of your agreement. The core issue is whether you want to be **** buddies, friends or something more. If you are starting to get negative feelings in the **** buddy role, it's time to ask yourself some searching questions about what you want. Is his height really a complete no-no? It's a pretty long time to have been so close.
Author esquimi Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 thank you guys for your answer so far first of all, that might be came out wrong somehow, i'm not looking for a relationship. i'm 24, still young, i have no idea were i'm gonna be in a year or so and what i'm doin then...my freedom and independece are my greatest goods, and i plan to keep them. I ended my last relationship when i was 19. Since then i'm acutally goin wih the **** buddy thing, because it is quite convenient and fits my current lifestyle. I love sex, but i dont need the stuff around, that comes with a committed relationship. Of course i'm ''using'' him, but he ''uses'' me too, so it's equal here...i know it's a long time but we had also one complete year off.And that comeback was somehow unexpected either...and initated by him. i don't know about his feelings, he's not much of a talker when it comes to that. I'm saying, i'm just not that into relationhips at the time...and he just agrees with me. As i said, i like him.He is funny, we have many things in common to talk about etc. but the height is a very big issue...when i'm wearing heels, i can almost see ON his head...that is weird...if i'm thinking about to introduce him to my parents or friends as my bf...i dont know...i'd feel embarrassed i guess...even his hands and feet are not much larger than mine^^ so it is a no-no... so you think i shouldnt ask him? even if it bothers me?
spirius Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It'd just be worth asking yourself what outcome you are hoping to get by asking? i.e. what would your response be to each of the possible answers?
deathandtaxes Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 The funny thing is, your FWB gig has all the hallmarks of a real relationship. You spend so much time doing stuff outside of having sex. And it has caused you to develop feelings. That's why you're jealous. Height? Pssh. Deal with it or not. And don't go throwing words out like 'college slut'. Those who live in glass houses...
newmoon Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 you're just FWB and you've obviously fallen for him through the years and are experiencing basic jealousy. since you haven't actually secured anything from him other than sex you're seeing that you've given it up for quite a long time with nothing to show for it. you're not the whole package for him so that's why he's still looking and I doubt this is the first time he's been with someone else, just the first time you've caught some proof 1
KatZee Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 First of all, you can't be screwing the same dude for years, hanging out with him multiple times a week, texting him, calling him, etc etc... and then in the same breath, say you're an "independent." You're not. You're IN a relationship, whether you want to believe it or not. And now that you've caught feelings? The fact you want to ask him about this other girl? Forget it. You're done. You can try to convince yourself you're so happy single, and being independent, and that you're "using" him, but look at yourself in the mirror and say that with a straight face. I'm sure you can't. THIS dude, most certainly is using YOU however, and you know that. You're not special, you're not the only chick he's banging. HE is in a true FWB situation. He goes out, gets with other girls and doesn't even think twice about you. Meanwhile, you're focused on him and now all green-eye'd monstering on him. You really don't have any rights in asking him about this girl. None. Don't ask, don't tell. Remember? If you're SO worried about STDs, SO worried about not being independent, SO worried about his height and finding dumb reasons to not really date him, then just get rid of him! Find someone else to bang. Since you're happy single, and you're not dating, this shouldn't be an issue. Right?
Author esquimi Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 alright hang on a sec...who said, that i haven't sex with others?! he is just the only regular at the time^^ the situation is like i told you...believe it or leave it. also i dont understand, why ''hanging out with the same dude for couple times a week'' takes my independence...you need to explain that to me, really^^ we meet if it fits our schedules...although of last weekend, he was actually supposed to be out of town, but when i told him i would be away this week, he rescheduled and stayed in town...with me... and how come I am the one who ''thinks has an relationship''?! he brings me cute gifts from time to time...i've never got him something...why should i, there is no need^^ i don't care who he's banging, but i guess his level should be higher as of some b****, that even sleeps with her profs to pass classes...i'm not calling someone a sl** randomly...
deathandtaxes Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 OP - You are the pot calling the kettle black.
Author esquimi Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 spirius, i just want to be sure about it. i dont know, what i reply...if he'd say no there is nothing goin on...fine i have to believe him, if he'd say, there is sth...well, as i said, maybe he has no idea who he's dealing with...
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