RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 My best friend had an awesome, healing conversation tonight with an ex of hers from about seven years ago. One who both of us through she would never hear from again. Different relationship, completely different breakup, I get that. This past week I have been having some setbacks with the way I have been thinking, going backwards instead of forwards. While I have been wronged in this breakup, I have now been having thoughts of throwing out the "lets be friends" conversation to my ex. I realize this has been brought on by her conversation, but to be honest, I'm drained. I'm not a vindictive, mean person and I feel like Im not being my true self by not being his friend. The other part of me feels that he does not deserve my friendship because a friend wouldn't have treated me the way he did. I don't want a friend like that. As I have said before, he has shown me the kind of person he really is, and I don't want another relationship with someone like that. I just want to be tue to myself, and that is to be kind, caring person. To be the bigger person, that can be friends with him because I don't want a second chance with him. Because I don't hate people, I'm not a hateful person, and want to let go of this hate for good. I realize he is in another relationship. As its been told to me, he is an adult. He has to make his own mistakes. Which I agree with. I'm just done being mad. Its not who I am.
Mr Scorpio Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 The fact that you don't want to be a "mean" person does not necessarily mean that you have to befriend your ex. No contact isn't "mean". It simply is. Are you "mean" to the other billions of people who you aren't friends with? If you want to be "true" to yourself, looking out for yourself might be a good way to do that. Maintaining NC is how dumpees look out for themselves. While I don't know your story personally, the general rule is that being friends with your ex does not work. Personally, I think that being friends with your ex is like keeping a pet after it is dead. 1
Author RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 The fact that you don't want to be a "mean" person does not necessarily mean that you have to befriend your ex. No contact isn't "mean". It simply is. Are you "mean" to the other billions of people who you aren't friends with? If you want to be "true" to yourself, looking out for yourself might be a good way to do that. Maintaining NC is how dumpees look out for themselves. While I don't know your story personally, the general rule is that being friends with your ex does not work. Personally, I think that being friends with your ex is like keeping a pet after it is dead. Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. I realize that I'm talking and thinking emotionally because of my friend's conversation. Just more I have to work through in this long process. Being friends would more than likely not be for my best interest. I'm not interested in keeping a dead pet. I just dont know how to work on getting this anger out. I was doing so good for so long. This is all just so frustrating.
Mr Scorpio Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I just dont know how to work on getting this anger out. This is all just so frustrating. I suppose the best way to get the anger out is to express it. If you keep posting here and discussing the issue with your friend, you'll be able to vent some of that anger. Beyond that, if you aren't getting 3-5 doses of exercise per week, you really should be. Exercise will provide you with a way to channel your anger. Regardless, I think you should certainly stay away from your ex if anger if you're primary motivating factor. 1
Author RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I suppose the best way to get the anger out is to express it. If you keep posting here and discussing the issue with your friend, you'll be able to vent some of that anger. Beyond that, if you aren't getting 3-5 doses of exercise per week, you really should be. Exercise will provide you with a way to channel your anger. Regardless, I think you should certainly stay away from your ex if anger if you're primary motivating factor. I know you're right. I was just extremely emotional last night when I wrote that. I have a better grip on reality today. I don't have room in my life for people who don't want to be there. I just needed to vent last night. Thank you. 1
BC1980 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I know you're right. I was just extremely emotional last night when I wrote that. I have a better grip on reality today. I don't have room in my life for people who don't want to be there. I just needed to vent last night. Thank you. Stay in reality always. Keep reminding yourself. Moving on is a choice we make everyday. It's a hard choice, but we can't get sucked back into emotions. 1
Author RaidDolEm78 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Stay in reality always. Keep reminding yourself. Moving on is a choice we make everyday. It's a hard choice, but we can't get sucked back into emotions. You are absolutely right. Last night, I didn't consciously make that choice. I let my emotions choose for me. This morning I simply acknowledged that this is something I need to work on...how to not let my emotions get the best of my, yet still be genuinely happy for someone in an emotional situation. ..to learn how to keep those two things separate. I never thought 8 months later I would still be learning lessons from the breakup.
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