lionheart153 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 So encase no one has read my original post, its here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/456915-what-do-i-do-if-i-want-her-back-should-i-just-give-up So I found out some more things, basically she was stressed out about future plans and a family member said "are you sure its the house your stressed about" and while that family member did not mean that in a way to make her leave me, she apparently had a sudden realization that the stress was because of me, and that i was the problem.. since then shes been rude to me, telling me to not msg her friends and just down right rude. It may have been possible she felt she was settling for me and that she left me on those terms... My friend who had probed this info from his GF thinks that even if I fixed my so called problems I wouldn't be able to get back together. Pretty annoying, i feel like im better than that its it really hurts, so least to say I have a bit anger at her now. But all of a sudden, she tried calling me today, but i was asleep so I didn't answer and I didn't call back. Then finally she texted me, summed up to say how she realized how hard this is for me, so when I stop by to get the last of my things, she would try to provide a bit more clarification if she can, she said she owed me that much. I feel like she is only doing that to try to relieve herself of her own guilty feelings, and possible her dad convinced her to (he is visiting this weekend). What should I do? I've been making progress this last few weeks, and the new news I learnt made me have some anger towards her that helped as well. And complete NC has defiantly made me feel better as well. Does this seem like cold feet to anyone else? What should I do?
organizedchaos Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Don't give her the satisfaction of relieving her guilt. Have someone else get your stuff.
Author lionheart153 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Don't give her the satisfaction of relieving her guilt. Have someone else get your stuff. I plan to get my things with my friend on a day she is working so I don't have to deal with her. 2
realfriends Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Don't give her the satisfaction of relieving her guilt. Have someone else get your stuff. Agreed with organizedchaos
Never Again Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I plan to get my things with my friend on a day she is working so I don't have to deal with her. Good. It's a common tactic of dumpers to try to provide explanations. It allows them to relieve their own guilt because they get to deliver a carefully rehearsed speech that's only real purpose is to give closure to themselves. It allows them to validate their decisions, solidify their choice, and move on. Now, they'll likely do that anyway...but the dumpee shouldn't be helping them. They made the decisions to fire you from the relationship, so they get to deal with their sh*t all by themselves. 1
Author lionheart153 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Yes I think it's best for me to not contact her, I guess the best I can do is hope shes not at home one day im off and get my things when she isn't around, as for the money she owes me, should I contact her to get that or ask a friend to? of if i do have to go back and see her just not give her the chance to "talk" because really im not even interested.
organizedchaos Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yes I think it's best for me to not contact her, I guess the best I can do is hope shes not at home one day im off and get my things when she isn't around, as for the money she owes me, should I contact her to get that or ask a friend to? of if i do have to go back and see her just not give her the chance to "talk" because really im not even interested. Again, have a friend pick your stuff up. You see her and she'll want to talk. As for the money, text her an email address and to send it via PayPal. Many banks will let you send money electronically too. Or jusr tell her to mail you a check.
Author lionheart153 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I have a feeling when I ask for that money she will ask to talk? maybe not maybe, what does one do? just ignore?
flight E Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If u sure u can handle it, ask 4 ur moni and if she wants to talk, cut her short tell her you are fine and don't need a clarification. Insist that all you want is your money at least get one back on her and deflate her ego
Author lionheart153 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Why does my ex keep posting on Facebook and instagram How happy she is? She knows I have her on those social media network. In fact a few days after only she posted that Life is great. And this weekend she kept posting how happy life is and crap cuz her dad came to visit. Its really annoying Mr.
Author lionheart153 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 So some of you may have read my post, If not you can find here somewhere on what happened. I final got to see a therapist and got some advice and insight. After hearing my story and trying to be as accurate as possible, she gave me some insight on what may have happened. Using her background and history and things she had seen, she feels like my fiance had lost control and got scared. The thing is she was probably overwhelmed by everything and stressed and the one thing that was the common denominator was, well, me. So in a harsh move my therapist thinks she freaked out and broke up to run away from all the stress and trouble. As well, my therapist agrees that there is no point to talk to her and let her give me clarification (she msged me after a few days of going completely NC saying she owes me some clarification of what happened) if it does not help me. She thinks that I'm already dealing with the grief and that listening to her would probably make me feel worse before anything else, and that I don't need to always accommodate for her. It also helped to hear from my therapist that all the postings on her FB and instagram about being happy, is probably not the truth, so it doesn't make me feel like I'm garbage and she seems so happy dumping me. So my question for you fine folks here, Do you think there is hope for us? could she be just scared? Will she snap out of it one day and try to fix things? I've made a decision that this summer I am going to move south to another city about 2 hours away because, my job, living, and finances will be much better their, and I've always wanted to go but my fiance didn't. That gives me a few months to figure things out, and well I really hope for something to happen between us. What is everyones opinion?
underscore44 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 There is always hope and you nor anyone else can tell you what will happen 5 years from now, but i can tell you this. It hurts to lose someone in a situation like this. My fiancé left me as well so we are on the same page. Grieving is a process that you will go through no matter what and there will be plenty of ups and downs. So here is what you can do You can choose to move on because time spent holding on, hoping and looking back is not time well spent and really won't help you in anyway. Spend this time looking up, moving forward and taking anything positive you can from it. The pain will still be there but at least you used that time productively instead of wasting it moping around and living in the past. You never know where you will be in 5 years, whether it is back with your fiancé or with another amazing person. What i can tell you though is that you will be in a far better place regardless of the outcome if you use this time to better yourself and not sit around living in the past. The future is promising and exciting. It is full of light and new adventures. Don't waste it by locking yourself in a dark room Cheers man and good luck, I am sure you are an awesome guy 2
Author lionheart153 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks.. I am having a break down right now and reading that helped... I just don't understand how it happened, and part of me wants to know but the other doesn't want to get hurt more, She is now posting on FB how her life before was about living in the future and that she needs to now live in the moment. It's so rude, its like she is telling me her life was so horrible when she was with me. My friends are starting to get annoyed at me, and I feel like the wall is closing in. Above all my friends GF invited her to her birthday and invited my friends but completely ignored me and did not send an invite.. I am feeling like complete ****.
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks.. I am having a break down right now and reading that helped... I just don't understand how it happened, and part of me wants to know but the other doesn't want to get hurt more, She is now posting on FB how her life before was about living in the future and that she needs to now live in the moment. It's so rude, its like she is telling me her life was so horrible when she was with me. My friends are starting to get annoyed at me, and I feel like the wall is closing in. Above all my friends GF invited her to her birthday and invited my friends but completely ignored me and did not send an invite.. I am feeling like complete ****. hide her FB feed deactivate FB block her you have options.
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