Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 hi everyone, just writing my story here cause i feel like im going insane, i really dont know how to feel sane again. my boyfriend who started work about 2 month ago works monday to friday 9-5, it seems like he diesnt have very much time for me at the moment, as for me i am unemployed and have all the free time in the world, this isnt such a good thing it makes me feel so depressed cause i have a degree and theres no where avilable anymore in the work palace, no one seems to want to recruite or employ me. i am sick of just being a no one and as if i am invisible. anyway the problem lies in the relationship, we are in a long distance relationship and usually see each other a couple times a month, just lately hes been absolutely knackered and spends his saturdays at hi grandfarthers... we are suppose to be meeting in a week or two, which is the first time in a month, i know there has been bad weather too stopping us seeing each other as it is winter but he keeps falling every night and then we hardly talk in the day due to him being at work. he says he just needs to get into a routine, i do understand cause he actually was physically ill and sick from the hours he was working but now which is a few weeks lter is coping better .... eg not being sick or ill... i just feel like i aint the number 1 thing to him anymore. i love him so much and its so hard.... we use to talk every day, he use to be rather upset when we wouldnt call every night, now he doesnt seem too bothered and often says 'we will talk tomorrrow on the phone' and then the next day usually ends up talking short.. i know i am not the only thing other than work in his life, he has family, social clubs once or twice a month, hobbies.... i dont want to be told 'you need to break up with him' or 'consider it' cause that will not happen. and he would never break up with me. cause we love each other very much... he keeps saying he will try his hardest for me to stay awake a few nights of the week which i thought was reasonable but he just cant.. i even tried getting into his sleep pattern too cause i thought that might help too cauae i was laying in til midday but it never really changed much..... but i let him have a few nights of decent sleep and then it was the weekend and he just couldnt stay up or talk to me and fell asleep straight on me, i just feel really unappreciatiated and i am so pissed off and upset too. i am fed up of waiting waiting waiting..... it sounds so selfish but im getting to the point where i want him to just quit his job, cause it kinda is effecting our relationship. am i being selfish? i do feel it. all i want is a bit more attention from my boyfriend. oh and btw we have been together 3 years and both our families get on very well. <3 were also both aged 22.
Author Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 whenever we do talk i always end up in continous asking questions as to why he didnt talk on a cetain day or time or why he didnt seem too bothered about a certain thing or something similar, which is perfectly ok cause he would usually ask me the same sort of things in the past .. anyway he just takes it the wrong way and it causes arguements... when we talk i feel like e doesnt really listen to me, but i know hes tired this is ofteen why i cause arguements too.. to get his attention but i believe it is a bad habit im getting intocause i feel like im pushing him an pushing him and its only pushing him away
anne1707 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Your boyfriend's hours of work are quite normal and it sounds like your sleeping habits are (stereo)typical of someone not working. You need to realise that he has responsibilities to others, not just you. However you also need to talk to him and agree what is an acceptable amount of time to see/talk to each other over the week. If you cannot reach a compromise that works for you both then it may be time for you (both) to move on or for one of you to change your expectations. Quitting his job is not an option. Edited January 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
MidwestUSA Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You really expect him to quit his job? How will he support himself? Or support both of you in the future? What game plan do you have for both of you to go thru life unemployed? Yes, you're being quite selfish. 2
preraph Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Be glad he's concentrating on keeping his job. For a long-distance relationship, you are seeing each other quite a bit, so nothing wrong there. He is having a transition. Just give him space. Don't make him ultra aware you have nothing to do because that's not a desirable trait! Don't do anything to draw his attention to that. Use this time to let him focus on his new job and you focus on getting a job or whatever your goal is. Stop worrying! 1
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You are jealous of his job. The problem is exacerbated because you don't currently have a job. Yes, it's understandable that you miss him. However, you are acting ridiculously. He has to establish a routine. The more you whine that you are not #1 in his life & think that he ought to quit, the less likely he is to stick around. My suggestion: take all the additional free time you have now that your BF is busy & spend it trying to find employment. You won't notice his absence as much because you will be busy bettering your own life. Once you get a job you won't be so obsessed with how he spends 8 hours per day because you will have your own responsibilities. 1
Author Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Your boyfriend's hours of work are quite normal and it sounds like your sleeping habits are (stereo)typical of someone not working. You need to realise that he has responsibilities to others, not just you. However you also need to talk to him and agree what is an acceptable amount of time to see/talk to each other over the week. If you cannot reach a compromise that works for you both then it may be time for you (both) to move on or for one of you to change your expectations. Quitting his job is not an option. You really expect him to quit his job? How will he support himself? Or support both of you in the future? What game plan do you have for both of you to go thru life unemployed? Yes, you're being quite selfish. Be glad he's concentrating on keeping his job. For a long-distance relationship, you are seeing each other quite a bit, so nothing wrong there. He is having a transition. Just give him space. Don't make him ultra aware you have nothing to do because that's not a desirable trait! Don't do anything to draw his attention to that. Use this time to let him focus on his new job and you focus on getting a job or whatever your goal is. Stop worrying! You are jealous of his job. The problem is exacerbated because you don't currently have a job. Yes, it's understandable that you miss him. However, you are acting ridiculously. He has to establish a routine. The more you whine that you are not #1 in his life & think that he ought to quit, the less likely he is to stick around. My suggestion: take all the additional free time you have now that your BF is busy & spend it trying to find employment. You won't notice his absence as much because you will be busy bettering your own life. Once you get a job you won't be so obsessed with how he spends 8 hours per day because you will have your own responsibilities. i know. im just pretty confused too, as he would be really mad at me if i was so tired and the job was effecting our relationship like his is.. he would be so upset and mad and would expect me to find another job with less hours and would probably have meltdowns about it i kinda feel like sometimes its a little one sided the relationship, to him... and like i aint been heard sometimes cause sometimes he just doesnt answer my questions or try explain when i try to talk to understand, instead he just changes the subject completely and this annoys me and winds me up and obviously upsets me, i guess guys are big talkers... but it just drives me crazy. Edited January 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Arieswoman Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Supergirl, You need to grow up and fast. You are no longer a student who can bum around all day you are a graduate who needs to get into the employment market. Taxpayers like me are paying your dole and don't take too kindly to it. Stop whinging about what your boyfriend is/isn't doing and start taking some responsibility for your life. Boyfriends come and go but your chosen career should be able to support me throughout your life. So, start marketing yourself and get a job. Who cares if you are stacking shelves in a supermarket temporarily? You need to show your future employer that you are an adult who has initiative. You may think I am being unnecessarily harsh but you are in the real world now with the rest of us, so you need to rise to the challenge. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) You are focused on bf because you are bored due to not being employed. After college, it must seem strange not to have stuff to do everyday. Really what he is doing is quite normal. Both of you will have to sacrifice some of your hanging out time in order to join the working class. You should never cut back on hours or quit a job for a bf. I agree with Arieswoman, you need to find something temporarily out of your field. Check out photography studios and get a receptionist job to get your foot in the door, or work for the local newspaper as a temp when they need someone and their staff photographer is out, or even get a job in the mall or at a discount store that has a photography studio in house. Any experience and money is better than sitting home alone annoying your bf because he has to actually go to work to live. You and your bf will be ok as long as you treat each other with kindness and respect and don't try to micromanage the other. Good luck on your Job search, Grumps Edited January 26, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 1
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It also sounds like your relationship has more problems then his new job. If you believe the relationship is one sided & that he won't talk to you, perhaps your relationship has run it's course. Not every romance survives the transition from school to the real world. 1
Author Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Supergirl, You need to grow up and fast. You are no longer a student who can bum around all day you are a graduate who needs to get into the employment market. Taxpayers like me are paying your dole and don't take too kindly to it. Stop whinging about what your boyfriend is/isn't doing and start taking some responsibility for your life. Boyfriends come and go but your chosen career should be able to support me throughout your life. So, start marketing yourself and get a job. Who cares if you are stacking shelves in a supermarket temporarily? You need to show your future employer that you are an adult who has initiative. You may think I am being unnecessarily harsh but you are in the real world now with the rest of us, so you need to rise to the challenge. ill have you know i am applying for jobs left, right and centre, but i live rural so theres only so many i cam apply for, but i am attending interviews constantly... that doesnt mean im not allowed to be upset, but ok i get ya.
Author Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 You are focused on bf because you are bored due to not being employed. After college, it must seem strange not to have stuff to do everyday. Really what he is doing is quite normal. Both of you will have to sacrifice some of your hanging out time in order to join the working class. You should never cut back on hours or quit a job for a bf. I agree with Arieswoman, you need to find something temporarily out of your field. Check out photography studios and get a receptionist job to get your foot in the door, or work for the local newspaper as a temp when they need someone and their staff photographer is out, or even get a job in the mall or at a discount store that has a photography studio in house. Any experience and money is better than sitting home alone annoying your bf because he has to actually go to work to live. You and your bf will be ok as long as you treat each other with kindness and respect and don't try to micromanage the other. Good luck on your Job search, Grumps thank you, yes it really is unfair how you end up after college, there should be interns for everyone or more work experience to get them in the door to jobs.
anne1707 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Rather than expect there to be interns or work experience to be automatically available, you need to start actively looking for employment for yourself. You need to make this happen. I also think that once working, you will appreciate your boyfriend's need for "quiet time" because you will want that too. In the meantime, you could also look at doing some form of voluntary work - that will give you experience, give you an interest other than your bf and will look good to future employers.
Author Supergirl_x Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Rather than expect there to be interns or work experience to be automatically available, you need to start actively looking for employment for yourself. You need to make this happen. I also think that once working, you will appreciate your boyfriend's need for "quiet time" because you will want that too. In the meantime, you could also look at doing some form of voluntary work - that will give you experience, give you an interest other than your bf and will look good to future employers. yep, i am currently looking for work left right and centre, and attending interviews all the time so maybe volunteering is the best thing i could get involved in for the time being.. and thanks i guess i will reliese how precious quiet time will be.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 yep, i am currently looking for work left right and centre, and attending interviews all the time so maybe volunteering is the best thing i could get involved in for the time being.. and thanks i guess i will reliese how precious quiet time will be. Are you also looking for a job outside your chosen field? Waiting tables, pouring drinks, etc.? You need to find some type of employment while you are searching for a professional position in your field for 3 reasons: 1) keep you occupied so you're not spending so much time focused on what your boyfriend is/isn't doing 2) provide a bit of an income 3) not have big employment gaps on your CV that could be tricky to explain to future employers
Recommended Posts